I'll Be
by Ellivia22
Summary: REWRITTEN! After the 'Beast incident, Beast Boy has lost all respect from his team, making him almost go over the edge. Can Raven help him get his friends back before things get worse? Rated T for suicide mention. BBxRae. COMPLETE!
1. Part I

A/N: Hey guys, due to awesome feedback I've decided to rewrite this story. And to give everyone a chance to give me feedback if they wish I decided to delete the original story and reposted it as brand new. Otherwise if you had reviewed on a certain chapter before it wouldn't let you have that opportunity again now that I've changed things. So I appreciate everyone's patience. Not too much is going to be changed and I plan on adding some things. I really hope you like it. Also I took out the lyrics due to a rule about posting song lyrics. However, this story, and this chapter all started because of Edwin McCain's song "I'll Be" Please review and let me know what you think. Love, Ellivia22

A/N: Some of the characters will seem OOC. I did this purposefully to shape the story the way I did. I hope that's okay. I promise that I will do my best to keep the characters as close in character as I can, however. Thanks for understanding.

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans Robin and Starfire would've gotten together a lot sooner.

**I'll Be**

** By: Ellivia22**

** Part I**

** Raven**

"Raven?"

I look up from my book to see Robin standing in front of me, blocking the massive TV. Not that I was watching it anyway. "Yeah?"

"Are you sure that you don't want to go to the carnival with me, Star, and Cy," he asks.

I shake my head, raising my eyebrow. He didn't mention everyone on the team. Someone's missing. My throat tightens. "Isn't Beast Boy going with you guys?"

I catch an uncomfortable expression on Robin's masked face before he looks away. "He said that he didn't want to come." Then without another word, Robin leaves the room.

I stare after him, stunned. Beast Boy loves the carnival. It's just not like him to say no. On the other hand, I shouldn't be surprised-not after everything that has happened this week. I swallow the large lump in my throat in an attempt to keep my wavering emotions under control.

After Beast Boy took the antidote everything went back to normal. But it was short lived. A couple of days later he started locking himself in his room at all hours of the day. He stopped cracking jokes, coming to training sessions, or even missions. Worst of all, being and empath I can feel his pain: pain so intense it's been giving me nightmares.

A silent tear falls down my cheek. I don't make any effort to wipe it away. I've tried being there for him; tried to help him, but he keeps pushing me away. My eyes squeeze shut tight to keep another tear from falling. Beast Boy's harsh words from yesterday ring in my head like a broken record.

_Don't pretend to care, Raven. I know you truly don't! Just leave me the hell alone!_

Another tear manages to escape, followed by a strangled sob. The room starts to rattle. Beast Boy wants me to leave him alone. There is no way I can do that. Once the team leaves I'm going to check on the changeling, then form a new plan to approach him. I should get the rest of the team involved in trying to help Beast Boy, but I have a gut feeling that I should try this alone. Besides, Beast Boy might shut down completely if we all gang up on him. If I fail again, then I'll ask for help.

Once I'm sure that the team is gone I put my book aside and make my way towards his room. The closer I get, the stronger his emotions consume me. His dark emotions are almost unbearable. I feel as though I've been thrown in the deepest pit of despair. There is no light-nothing that can save me. Nothing matters anymore. This is the worst that he's ever felt. Something is seriously wrong. I quicken my pace.

I knock sharply on his door. "Beast Boy?"

I decide to not wait for an answer. My eyes glow white as I encase the door with black aura. The door slides open easily. What I see next makes my heart drop to my stomach, my blood running ice cold. I gasp in horror because of the sight.

Standing in the middle of his surprisingly clean room is Beast Boy. He is in a terrible state. His body is trembling, tears falling rapidly down his cheeks. His eyes are shut tightly. My heart starts pounding anxiously in my chest seeing the gun pressed against his right temple. He cocks the gun.

"BEAST BOY NO!" I cry. I make a run towards him, desperate to save the man I'm secretly in love with. Right as I collide hard into him, Beast Boy pulls the trigger.

**BANG!**

We hit the ground hard, the bullet barely missing the both of us. The gun falls out of his hand and bounces away. I hear the lightbulb above us shatter, either from the bullet or my unstable emotions. I manage to pin Beast Boy to the ground and produce a black shield over us to protect us from the falling glass.

I suspend the shield immediately after I'm sure that everything is okay. Beast Boy continues to struggle under me, attempting to grab the gun, which is a few inches away from his right hand. "Get off me, Raven," he yells angrily, not sounding at all like the changeling that I know.

I straddle onto his waist, my hands firmly on his shoulders. "Are you crazy?!" I nearly scream. The only window in the room shatters, but I'm too scared to care. "Do you really think I'm going to let you kill yourself?!"

Beast Boy glares back at me, his green eyes hard, yet full of so much pain it hurts to look. "Oh, so now you care about me?! You should be happy! You'll finally be free of such an annoying _jerk_!"

I stare back at him in shock. His words are like a literal slap in the face. Does he not remember all the attempts I made to try and help him? Does he really think I'm that heartless? "Beast Boy, I-I don't think-."

"Forget it," he snaps. "Just let me go so that I can finish what I started!"

"NO!"

He grits his teeth in anger. I almost fall forward when he changes from human form into a small green rat. I watch in horror as he scurries over to the gun. I can't let him do this. I just _can't_. Without thinking twice I summon the gun in my hands right before he can grab it. Keeping my eyes on him the whole time I open the gun, pouring the bullets onto the floor beside me. Then I toss the gun aside.

Beast Boy changes back into himself. The absolute devastation on his green face is breaking my heart. It's as if I had taken away the only thing he cares about. I watch sadly as he wraps his arms around his leg, burying his head into his knees. His muffled sobs breaks the strained silence between us.

Silently I move beside him. Gently I put my arms around him. Reluctantly his circle around my waist. He holds onto me tight, his head buried into my shoulder. I can feel my cloak becoming wet from his tears. I don't mind. I'm just so happy that he didn't run out the door.

"W-why won't you l-let me die," he manages to choke out in a strangled sob.

I don't answer his question. "Why did you just try to take your life?"

He doesn't answer, instead he continues to sob. It's clear to me that he still doesn't trust me-not that I blame him. "Remember what you told me when Malchior betrayed me?" I remind him gently, rubbing his back. My heart is still racing in my chest, not only from what he almost did, but just from touching him. "You told me that even though I thought I was alone, I really wasn't. And I'm here now telling you that you aren't alone. Please, Beast Boy. Talk to me."

I feel his body relax slightly in my embrace. His hand leaves my back and points to his desk in the corner of the room. For the first time since I've entered I take a good look around. His bedroom is even cleaner than after I came to heal his injury from his battle with Slade the other day. The room is almost barren-no posters on the walls, no mess. It almost looks like the room has been vacuumed for the first time in forever. Worst of all, it looks like nobody has even lived in it. The only thing in the room are four large piles. It takes a minute to figure out his strange organization. In one pile is a stack of video games, comic books, and movies. Another pile contains what looks like a green joke book and comedy DVDs. A third pile what looks like fitness magazines. And finally, the fourth pile containing three items: a brown leather book, his communicator, and a beautiful red rose in a thin blue vase. Each pile had a sign in front of it, indicating who it belong to. My sign is in front of the vase with the red rose. Seeing everything he owned in these piles is just making everything even more real. _He truly does want to end it. But why?_

I raise my hand. A piece of paper flies off his desk. The piece of paper contains only one sentence: _No need to hide, the Beast has finally died_.

I stare at the green boy who is still quietly sobbing into my shoulder. My mind is trying to understand the cryptic message. Did the antidote not work? Is Beast Boy still struggling to control him? If he was, surely I would've noticed something. He must be talking about something else. I hug him tighter. "You are _not_ a beast," I tell him softly, yet with an edge to my words. "You took the antidote. You're fine!"

Beast Boy laughs bitterly. "Yeah. Tell the others that."

"What are you talking about? They care about you. _I _care about you!"

He pulls away, his eyes focusing on his gloved hands, which are now resting in his lap. "No they don't. Not anymore. Ever since I took the antidote Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg have been treating me badly. Not only have they been avoiding me at all times t-they've made it clear that I don't matter. You know, they never asked me to go to the carnival with them. I was in the hallway when I overheard Robin talk to you. T-that's when I figured it was the perfect time to end it. I-I couldn't stand the pain anymore."

I have a hard time believing him. Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg are our friends. They would never do something like that. I would've noticed and put a stop to it immediately. "But I never saw anything."

"They always managed to hurt me whenever you're not around. I don't know why. Coincidence, I guess." Beast Boy wipes his swollen eyes, but the tears continue to fall.

I don't want to believe him. I want to think that he's just making this up, but the longer I look at the broken boy in front of me and the more I think about it everything makes sense. That explains why Robin didn't have Beast Boy in his plans anymore; why Starfire didn't ask if Beast Boy was okay when I saw him sick in the gym; why Cyborg and Beast Boy don't play game station anymore. "Why? Why would they do this to you?"

"They hate me because of the way I acted when the chemicals were in my system," Beast Boy says sadly. "While you were unconscious they accused me of hurting you intentionally. R-Robin kept begging me to tell the truth that night about what happened to you, though I truly _could not remember_. Robin said he'd have to assume the worst and that he'd put me in jail. Things only got worse from there. I-I just can't take it anymore, Raven."

An intense anger burns inside me. I can feel Rage reacting violently from his words. I struggle to keep her locked away. How could they be so horrible to him? He never hurt me, he only protected me from Adonis. Once I woke up I had told Starfire and the others what happened. I thought they believed me, but apparently not.

Feeling Beast Boy's emotions I can tell that he's finally starting to calm down slightly. Yet I am sensing that he's not telling me everything. There's another reason why he attempted suicide and I want to know what it is. "What are you not telling me?" I ask quietly a moment later.

He looks at me with feigned confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I can feel your emotions. I know that there is another reason why you tried to kill yourself. Please tell me why. Let me help you."

His green eyes meet mine. I look deeply into them. I can see the torment that he is feeling at this moment. I can also see something else. Could it be...

Beast Boy answers my question before I have the chance to ask it. The tone of his voice drops so low I barely hear him. "The truth is, I-I love you, Raven. I've loved you since our first mission together. W-when the team told me that they found you in my teeth I tried desperately to remember what happened, because I could never live with myself if I had hurt you. But I can't remember and it's killing me. I'd rather die than let a possible _chance_ of hurting you again. I d-deserve to die."

I stare at him in utter shock. Did he just say what I think he said. "Y-you love me?"

"Yes. And I always will."

I place a hand on his damp cheek forcing him to look at me. "Beast Boy, if I had found you dead, i-if I didn't stop you, I would've lost everything. I wouldn't have anything to look forward to. I've never told anyone this, but you are the most important person to me. And now that I know how you feel, losing you would've been even more devastating to me."

He opens his mouth to say something, but I interrupt him with a tender kiss. His lips are salty from the tears. I don't care. Kissing him sends a warm sensation through me. I forget about my anger, my fear. Instead the only thing I'm focusing on is his love as he kisses me back, unsure at first, then with intense passion. This is right. This is...perfect.

"I-I love you, Gar," I whisper, using his real name for the first time.

He looks at me, a dazed expression on his green face. "I-is this real?"

"Yes," I confirm with a genuine smile. I give him another long kiss, which he returns.

"I hope so. I don't know what I'll do if it isn't." Beast Boy looks at me with pleading eyes. "Please, Raven, promise you won't leave me."

"I promise. I will always be by your side, Gar. No matter what."

For the first time in almost a week, Beast Boy smiles, his fang sticking out adorably, his green eyes brighter. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer. I lay my head against his chest, concentrating on his steady heartbeat. Now that I've learned why everything in the tower is so wrong I'm determined to make it right. Most importantly I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that Beast Boy is happy again.

**To be continued...**


	2. Part II

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans there would be a live action movie out by now.

**I'll Be**

** Part II**

** Beast Boy**

A few hours have passed since our talk. The sun has completely set-it must be close to ten. I find that Raven has fallen asleep in my arms. I'm not surprised. She's used more emotions than I've ever see her do. She must be exhausted. My eyes focus on the gun lying by us, the bullets surrounding it. I was so close, so close for it all to be over. Yet, Raven's passionate words ring in my head, making me smile slightly.

_**You are not alone**_

I feel slightly better knowing that she loves me back. A love I've been longing for since we met. Still, her love isn't strong enough to rid me of the anguish I feel on the inside. Maybe it would be better if I just go through what I planned. It'll be easier for everyone.

I pick up Raven fully in my arms and lay her in the bottom bunk of my bed. I pull the cover snug over her and give her a gentle kiss on the cheek. My heart flutters slightly as my lips touch her porcelain skin. "I love you," I whisper. "Never forget that."

I pick up the gun by its silver handle and a bullet. I make my way to the roof. I sit on the edge of the tower, my legs dangling off the side. I load the gun. This time, however, I just twirl the gun in my hands. My mind is unable to escape the terrible events that have occurred this past week. Every harsh word, every painful encounter.

I've been fighting crime almost all my life. I've faced villains who cause minimal trouble, such as robbing a store or attempting to steal something like the H.I.V.E does. I've also faced villains whose main goal is to take over the city, such as Slade. However, I've never dealt with so much hate as Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg have been showing me. Even Nicholas Galtry, my former guardian wasn't this cruel. True, he tried to have me killed twice, but it was more for financial gain than hatred. I never thought in a million years that the people I trusted with my life-the people I consider my best friends would hate me the most.

I don't understand why they hate me so much. I thought that they knew I wasn't myself when I was under the influence of the chemicals. Did something happen while I was under control of the Beast that I don't know about? Did I really hurt Raven? My stomach feels sick from just that one thought. I know that if I was in control I'd never hurt her-no matter how mad she makes me.

I stare at the gun in my gloved hands. There's nobody around. I could do it now. I could pull the trigger and there would be no one around to stop me this time. Just one shot and it would be all over.

_Beast Boy, if I had found you dead, if I didn't stop you, I would've lost everything_

No. I can't do it. Not now, not ever. I can't hurt Raven like that. She's the only person left who believes in me. I have to hold onto that. I love her and have no intention of hurting her again. Gritting my teeth I clutch the gun by the handle and throw it as hard and far as I can. I watch, almost sadly, as it falls, finally landing into the crystal blue sea below me.

I tense up when I feel someone sit beside me. Raven. How long has she been here? "Thanks for not trying again," Raven says quietly. Her arms wrap around me. I feel warm all over from her touch.

"I almost did," I confess. "But I remembered what you said. I couldn't hurt you like that." I turn to look at my girlfriend. I remember all the times she tried to help me before. I remember when I pushed her away and made her cry. I really was a jerk. "I'm sorry I didn't let you help me sooner."

"It's okay. Pain makes us blind sometimes."

I nod in agreement. "Yes it does. I feel better knowing how much you care, Raven, but it's not enough to make me completely forget what has happened. Inside I still feel like I don't belong here and I still don't understand why. I feel like I've been tossed off the team and wasn't important enough to be informed of it. I wasn't myself for one night and they treat me like a disease. Why Raven? Why do they hate me? D-did I do something while I was in Beast form that you haven't told me? Did I hurt you?"

"No," Raven answers sharply. "The only thing you did was protect me. I told them that. They are the ones with the problem, not you!"

I look away. "I know. I still care about them, though. They are like my family." I pause to think about my previous statement. "They _are_ my family. You guys are all I have left and their hatred makes me feel so alone."

"I'll talk to them. I'll find out why they're doing this and do my best to fix the situation."

Her words are comforting. I am able to relax a little. However, I'm afraid she'll unintentionally make things worse. Or they might start hating her too. I don't want that. "No you don't need to be dragged into this. This is my problem, I'll deal with it."

Raven glares at me. "Yeah and you were obviously dealing with it fine a couple hours ago," she says sarcastically. I flinch. "Sorry," she says in a softer tone. "My point is you are not emotionally stable enough to handle this alone. The team needs you whether they realize it or not. Please let me help you. I love you and I can't lose you."

"I just don't want them to start hating you too."

"I don't care if they start hating me. If I have to choose between you and the team I'll always choose you."

I kiss her tenderly. Even hours later she still tastes like sweet strawberries. That is definitely something I could get used to. "Thanks Raven, that means a lot to me. I love you."

"I love you, too."

We don't speak again. Instead we watch the moon together, holding each other close. Nothing needs to be said. I can feel the love flowing between us and it's the best feeling in the world.

** Raven**

After a while it became too cold to be outside so Beast Boy and I have been sitting in the living room. For once I'm not reading the book that I left on the couch, nor is Beast Boy playing video games. Instead we're just sitting in silence. My mind keeps reliving what happened earlier over and over like a broken record. The more I think about it, the harder it is to keep my emotions under control. I know that Beast Boy is doing the same by the way he is hunched over beside me, staring dejectedly at the carpet.

I continue to rub his back gently in hopes to soothe him. Unfortunately since I can feel his emotions it's not doing a bit of difference. Despite no longer feeling suicidal, I know that he's far from feeling better. There's got to be something I can do to take his mind off everything. But what? Then it hits me.

Gently I take Beast Boy's gloved hand and pull him off the couch. "Come on. I want you to mediate with me. I think it can help." Beast Boy raises an eyebrow, but doesn't argue. I instruct him to sit cross legged on the ground in front of the TV. "Close your eyes," I instruct. "Try to clear your mind; try to think about something positive. Find your center." As I instruct him, I attempt to do the same. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos." I chant.

It takes a while before Beast Boy is relaxed enough to find his center. I want to see what he's thinking about, but I don't want to invade his privacy. It is almost silent between us for a full ten minutes. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos," he chants at last.

I smile, keeping my eyes closed. "Good."

Another reason I wanted to meditate is to check on my emotions. They've been stretched to the limit since I found Beast Boy with the gun. It takes me a while to reassure them that he's okay. Hearing him chant beside me is a great help in keeping my emotions stable. I hope that the meditation is helping him too.

I don't open my eyes until I hear the happy chatter from the others. I stand up, Beast Boy following suit. Obviously the others had a great time at the carnival. Starfire has cotton candy in both hands, one pink and one blue. Robin is wearing a red and black jester's hat that must've won at one of the carnival games. Cyborg is holding a huge tub of popcorn in his robotic hands. I feel Beast Boy grab my hand out of nervousness.

"Thank you friends! I had a wonderful time!" Starfire gushes happily.

"Anytime, Star," Robin replies. "Well I think I'm going to-," Robin stops in mid sentence. He stares at us, the others following. I can feel Beast Boy's strong desire to flee. I grip tightly onto his hand to keep him from doing so.

"I'm glad you all had a great time," I say in a colder voice than I intend to. Already I can feel the tension. It's so sharp it cuts like a knife.

"Yeah it was great," Robin says, trying and failing to hide the disdain in his voice. "Uh, Raven, can we talk to you?" he glares at Beast Boy. "Alone!"

Once again Beast Boy attempts to leave the room. I let go of his hand and grip onto his arm firmly. I shoot him a warning look. Seeing Robin still acting like this is making the anger hard to control. When will he get it through his thick skull that Beast Boy is not a threat? "Whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of Beast Boy."

Robin doesn't change expression. He folds his arms. "Fine. Look, Raven, I know that I don't have a say on who you date, but I want you to know that I don't approve."

"It's a good thing I don't need your permission then," I shoot back venomously.

"What he's trying to say," Cyborg says, his face no longer cheerful, but serious and protective. "Is that you can do better."

I stare wide eyed at the people who I used to consider my best friends. Cyborg's words are like a slap in the face. Beast Boy is his best friend, why would he say something so demeaning? I wait for Starfire to say something, anything to show that she's on our side. I'm sorely disappointed.

"I must agree, Raven. It would not be safe to date Beast Boy."

An uncomfortable silence fills the room. I'm shaking with anger. Rage is desperately trying to come out. A part of me really wants to let her loose. They think the Beast is bad, just wait until they encounter Rage in full form.

Beast Boy speaks for the first time. His voice is monotone, mirroring the voice I use on a daily basis to a T. "Rae, don't."

I glace at the green Titan beside me. He's looking down at the ground, his green face pale. I know he's struggling to hold back tears. Beast Boy wasn't kidding when he said that the team hated him. No wonder he thought suicide was the only way out. I don't even want to know what else the team has been doing to him when I'm not around. My emotions couldn't handle it.

Before I can say another word Beast Boy pulls me out of the living room and down the hall. I'm so consumed with emotions that I let him. We don't speak again until we are alone in his room. Only then does Beast Boy let go of the emotions he was holding back. All I can do is embrace him and run my fingers through his emerald hair.

"I-I'm so sorry Garfield," I say softly once I've completely calmed down. "I had no idea it was this bad. But I promise you, I _will _fix this."

I pull away slightly so that we are looking at each other. "When I talk to the others I have to do it alone. But first I need to know that you'll be okay. I need to know that you won't try anything stupid again."

His next words ease my worry. "I give you my word as a man."

I don't get any sleep for the rest of the night. Instead I lay in bed, checking on Beast Boy's emotions regularly while simultaneously trying to come up with a plan to make the others see reason before things get worse. If not, this team is sure to fall apart.

**To be continued...**


	3. Part III

(A/N: Thank you all for your wonderful feedback! I'm so glad you guys like my rewrite so far. I hope you continue to like it. Please keep me updated on what you think. Love, Ellivia22)

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, Jinx would've become a Teen Titan sooner.

**I'll Be**

** Part III**

** Raven**

The next morning's meditation took a lot longer than usual. Rage was still strong and keeping her locked up was more difficult. Honestly I can't blame her. Last night's events kept replaying in my mind, making it impossible to sleep. I want to take her advice and hurt those who hurt Beast Boy, but I have to keep reminding her that Beast Boy wouldn't want that. He would want me to resolve this in a peaceful manner. Hopefully I'll be able to manage it. Once I brought up Beast Boy, Rage seemed to calm down a bit and didn't fight me as much.

Now that I've finished everything in my morning routine, including checking on Beast Boy, I'm prepared to talk to the other Titans about Beast Boy-more specifically what happened last night. I decide to talk to Starfire first. Of all the Titans, she is the one that is the most open-minded. It shouldn't be that hard to get her to see reason. Since I didn't find her in the kitchen I assume that she's still in her bedroom. Taking a deep breath in an effort o keep my emotions calm, I knock on the door.

**Knock Knock**

Seconds later the door opens, revealing Starfire cradling Silkie in her arms. At first the expression on her face from seeing me is of worry, but she relaxes when she notices that my expression is back to it's usual blank state. "Oh Friend Raven! What a surprise!"

I don't change my expression. "Star, I wanted to talk to you about last night. I promise, I'm not here to yell at you."

**Though you do deserve it** Rage booms in my head. I ignore her.

Starfire relaxes. She gives me a friendly smile. "Of course, Raven. I do always enjoy our girl talk. Let me put Silkie down for a nap. Come on in!"

I enter her room, inwardly shuddering at the amount of pink in the room. Even the ceiling is the same bright pink color. It's worse than Happy's domain-and that's saying something. I push her fluffy pillows aside and sit on the circular bed. A minute later Starfire joins me. I don't waste any time.

"Starfire, I am really confused on why you think it isn't safe for me to date Beast Boy. He's our teammate, our friend. You've known about my feelings for him for quite some time and have been so supportive from the beginning. Why are you so against us dating now all of a sudden?"

The alien princess looks really uncomfortable. I can feel her emotions: confusion, guilt, and mistrust. Such mistrust. "Oh, Raven, please do not be angry with me. I do not mean any harm. I am just looking out for you. I do not want Beast Boy to hurt you."

"But he didn't hurt me. He's _never_ hurt me. I told you that. Why do you still not trust him?"

"I want to trust him, I really do," Starfire says, avoiding my intense gaze. "But he attacked us, he fought us. He could have killed us. Robin says that the antidote did not work and I believe him."

"He was not in his right mind," I argue back, trying so hard not to get angry. "But he's taken the antidote. He's the same Beast Boy we've always known."

"Your feelings for Beast Boy is making you blind to what we all see. Beast Boy has changed and it would be best if you stayed away from him."

I stare at her in disbelief. I have a hard time believing what I'm hearing. It's like Starfire is a completely different person. She's never been mad at Beast Boy. _Never_-unless you count the prank he pulled on her a few years ago. Could that be why she's acting this way? Has she actually not forgiven him? That's so unlike her.

"You're right, Beast Boy has changed, but not in the way you think," I say quietly. "He has become someone who has lost faith in himself; someone who thought he had no one left to turn to. He is a person who though that the only option he has left is to kill himself."

Starfire's orange face pales. "W-what?"

"I caught him last night with a gun to his head. If I had not come in time, he would be dead right now. Come on, Star, I know you are not heartless. You _do_ care about him. Don't you?"

A moment of hesitation. "Yes, but-."

"Do you care about me?" I ask impatiently.

"Of course I do. You are one of my best friends. That is why I want you to be careful."

I ignore her last statement. "All I'm asking is that you think about what I said. Forgive Beast Boy for my sake; talk to him He really needs a friend right now. If you can't do this for him, then do it for me. I love him and want more than anything for him to be happy again."

I get up from her bed and make my way to the door. Starfire's next words make me stop. "You really do love him, then."

I glance back at her, showing her the sincerity on my face. "With all my heart."

I close her door and walk down the hall. Breathing is difficult because my chest is so tight. This conversation was nothing like I planned. I knew Starfire can be stubborn, but I never thought I'd see the day where she'd actually hold a grudge against someone. And Beast Boy of all people. This is all so wrong.

I refuse to give up. Cyborg is next. I am more determined than ever to convince my big brother how much his best friend needs him.

**Beast Boy**

I don't get the courage to leave my bedroom until almost noon. I woke up around ten, like I always do. I spent most of the morning pacing back in forth in my bedroom. After last night's events I'm terrified of running into the other Titans. I should just turn into a bird and fly out the newly repaired window. At the same time I don't want to seem like a coward.

To keep my promise to Raven I decide to go to the comic book shop located in the mall. I could spend a couple of hours there, buy something to read, then return home. At least then I'll have other things to distract me.

The hallway is quiet and seems longer than normal. Maybe because of the fear of who I might encounter in the living room or the kitchen. I feel sick to my stomach from the anxiety. I hope with every inch of my being that I don't run into Robin. If I do, I might not be able to keep my promise to Raven.

The only person in the room is Starfire. She's working away in the kitchen, as always. For once she's not portraying her usual cheerful spirit. In fact, this is the most serious that I've ever seen her. I long to go over to her and crack a joke to make her feel better, but what's the point?

When I get closer, the alien looks up from whatever meal she's attempting to make. She meets my gaze. Immediately I can tell there's something different about her. Her green eyes are still full of mistrust, but I notice on the look on her face that she's struggling with an internal conflict. Could this be Raven's doing? Is it possible that Starfire is finally starting to trust me again? I refuse to be hopeful. It would just make the let down even worse. Quickly I avert my eyes and enter the elevator to make my way toward the comic book shop.

I feel uneasy the entire way to Jump City Mall. It has nothing to do with the citizens of Jump City staring at me. I'm used to it. Starfire's strange behavior isn't what's making me feel weird either. I have a strange feeling that I'm being followed. The hairs on the back of my neck are standing up and my entire body is tensing up. I keep looking around, but not seeing anything out of the ordinary. I hit myself gently on the side of my head to get back into focus.

_Get a grip, Garfield!_

I enter the comic book shop, putting my paranoia aside. There are more important things to focus on, such as Syke, the Masked Vigilante, and his many adventures.

**To be continued...**


	4. Part IV

A/N: I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving and I'll see you for the next update. Please review so that I know that you guys like what I'm doing so far. Thanks! Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, I would've written "The End" trilogy different. And I might still do that as an addon/sequel to "A Kiss Too Late". We'll see :)

**I'll Be**

** Part IV**

** Raven**

The next Titan on my list is Cyborg. I don't go to him right away. I had to do a quick meditation first. Since my conversation with Starfire didn't go well I need to be extra prepared to talk to Cyborg. He and Beast Boy have been best friends from the beginning. Yet the fact that Cyborg was willing to put him down without hesitation I have a feeling that it's going to be more difficult to get through to him.

The entire ride in the elevator to the basement I pace back and forth, trying to get my words together. I've got to get him to see how much he's hurt Beast Boy; to see that he has no right to judge who I want to date. I just hope that he'll be willing to listen to me. The elevator makes an abrupt stop, the jolt making me almost lose my balance.

I enter the garage, the smell of motor oil invading my nostrils. I figured Cyborg would be here. Sure enough the metal man is leaning under the opened hood of the T-car. Probably doing an oil change, judging by the smell. I clear my throat to get his attention. He looks up from what he's doing and notices me standing there. "Raven! Perfect timing. I need an extra set of hands."

I don't move. "I'm not here to help," I barely manage to say in my usual monotone. It infuriates me that Cyborg is acting normal when everything is so wrong. "I'm here to find out what happened to make you hate your best friend so much."

Cyborg refuses to meet my piercing gaze. "I don't hate him."

I fold my arms across my chest. "You could've fooled me. You weren't exactly warm towards Beast Boy last night."

He straightens up from behind the hood of the car but continues to avoid looking at me. "Don't be mad, Rae. I can explain."

"Explain what?! For years you two were the best of friends. Now all of a sudden you think Beast Boy is not worth my time? Why? If this is about the chemicals at the lab you of all people should know that he wasn't acting normal. And you of all people should know that he's all better. You mixed the antidote!"

"My reasons are my own. I'm just trying to protect you, Raven. That's all."

The anger is building fast it's getting hard to control. I grit my teeth to remain calm. I don't understand why everyone thinks that Beast Boy is such a threat that I need to be protected. What makes him think I need protection anyway? I can take care of myself. "Protect me from _what_, exactly," I ask, my voice rising slightly. The paint cans on the top shelf located by the elevator start to shake from my magic. At this point I don't want to calm myself. "I told you he _didn't_ hurt me! Why don't you just stop with the crap and tell me the truth!"

Cyborg doesn't hesitate. Like a light switch, his demeanor changes from concerned older brother to angry and resentful. "Because he's a useless addition to the team. He never takes anything seriously. Admit it, Raven, the main reason we fail at missions is because of him. Not to mention he almost destroyed me because he was being so stupid. It would be better for the team if he would just leave and never come back!"

I stare at him. Have I been sent to an alternate dimension without my knowledge? It's the only explanation I can come up with to describe everyone's strange behavior. Unfortunately I know that it's not the case. "I'll admit Beast Boy does screw up a lot, but we all have made mistakes. As for the virus, yes, he was being stupid and risked your life. But don't forget he fixed his mistake and saved you. Nobody is perfect, Cyborg. We all have our flaws."

His expression doesn't change. I can sense the deep resentment in his emotions. There is another reason why he's so angry at Beast Boy. Obviously he's not going to tell me what it is. I decide to change the subject slightly. Maybe this will get him to see reason at last.

"Well whatever your reason is it doesn't excuse the way you've been treating Beast Boy. Whatever he's done doesn't justify hurting him so much that he can't come to his own best friend for comfort. He's been feeling so alone he almost committed suicide last night!"

For the first time Cyborg meets my gaze. His human eye grows huge. "WHAT?!"

"You heard me." My face remains blank, but I feel relieved on the inside that Cyborg is showing a sign that he still cares about Beast Boy. "He almost shot himself in the head after you guys left for the carnival. I-If I hadn't come in time," I swallow hard. Just thinking about last night's events again rattles my emotions. A tear falls quickly down my face. I don't bother wiping it away. "He needs you, Cyborg. I'm begging you. _Please_ talk to him."

Without another word I turn and enter the elevator again. I lean against the back, closing my eyes. This whole conversation has been absolutely exhausting. To calm myself down I decide to check on Beast Boy. I can't feel his emotions very well, indicating that he's not in the tower. The last time I checked on him he was in his room. Better, but still thoroughly miserable. I hope with all my heart that he's okay. I have one Titan left to talk to. Robin. I'm not looking forward to that conversation at all. He's the one who has shown the most disdain towards Beast Boy since the green Titan got doused by the chemicals at the lab. It's going to be nearly impossible to get the Boy Wonder to see reason. I have to try. If I can get Robin to forgive Beast Boy, maybe the others will follow suit. It's the only hope I have at this point. My emotions are whirling. First I have to meditate before I make the tower collapse.

**Beast Boy**

Being at the comic book shop isn't giving me the distraction that I was hoping for. Usually when I come in here I get lost in the many different superheroes and their adventures. I'd chat with other comic book fans, tell jokes, and even sign some autographs for my very few fans. I'd forget about what is bothering me at the time and actually be able to focus on something else. I'd be able to enjoy myself. Not this time.

I wander aimlessly through the many aisles of the shop, my eyes glancing lifelessly at the different issues and special edition comics. Nothing grabs my attention. The worst part of all this is I don't really care. Despite finally finding love with Raven, I feel dead on the inside. My chest is being weighed down by what feels like a heavy boulder. I don't enjoy the things I used to enjoy. And I'm so tired. Tired of trying to be happy; tired of crying; tired of living. I just want misery to end at long last. But despite everything that I'm feeling, or not feeling, I will continue to linger on. For Raven.

I grab four or five comics off the shelf, not really paying attention to which superhero or which issue. Then I trudge to the checkout counter. The girl behind the cash register is the only citizen in Jump City that I consider my friend. She's a small girl in her early thirties with shoulder length chestnut hair and deep brown eyes. And she has the cutest dimple in her right cheek. Once I found out that she's also a fan of Syke the Vigilante I'd come in once a week to talk about the superhero and debate on what he's next adventure would be like. For once I am in no mood to talk to her-or anyone for that matter. I hope that this will be a quick purchase.

"Hey BB," she greets me with a warm smile.

"Hey Liv," I mumble, barely taking notice that the black T-shirt she's wearing today says "Geek For Life."

I can feel her eyes on me. Can't say that I'm surprised. I'm not acting like my usual upbeat self. Not to mention I must look like absolute hell. That's how I feel anyway.

"Are you okay?" she asks in concern. "You look really pale."

I look at the ground. "I'm fine," I mumble.

I know that I'm not fooling her one bit, but she doesn't press the issue further. "I wanted to thank the Titans for stopping Control Freak from stealing all my legendary copies of Syke's first issue the other day. I was surprised that you weren't with them, though."

_How could you be so stupid! You ruined the whole mission!_

I visibly flinch as Cyborg's harsh words ring in my head. I shut my eyes tight to force back the pain. "I wasn't feeling well."

After paying for my purchase I grab the bag and exit the shop without another word. I feel bad for being so cold to pretty much the only friend that I have besides Raven. At the same time, I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to burden people with my problems. Keeping my head down I start the short journey back to the tower.

* * *

The journey home is uneventful, besides still feeling apprehensive about the possibility of being followed. Once I get back to the tower I move quickly through the kitchen and living room. I really should just turn into an animal so I can make it to my room unnoticed, but I find that I don't have the motivation or desire to use my powers. I'll be in the safety of my room before I know it.

**BAM!**

I hit something hard and metal. The force sends me backwards, knocking me to the ground. I rub my head in an attempt to get rid of my now forming headache. My eyes widen in horror when I realize that it was Cyborg that I ran into. "S-sorry," I stutter, bracing myself to be yelled at.

It never comes. Instead Cyborg just stares at me for a long minute. It's as if he's trying to figure out what I'm thinking. That's strange. He hasn't cared about me all week, why start now? Then without saying a word he steps around me and leaves the hall into the living room.

After recovering from the impact I get to my feet, grabbing the bag I dropped from off the floor. My encounter with Cyborg relieves and depresses me at the same time. Relieved because he didn't yell at me, depressing because he didn't even acknowledge me at all. Honestly, I'm not sure which one is worse. Either way, the pain is sharp and bright, cutting me deep on the inside. Letting out a depressed sigh I enter my room, shutting the door being me. Now that I'm alone I let the tears fall once more, stinging my face. I hope Raven comes to see me soon. I need her so badly right now.

**To be continued...**


	5. Part V

A/N: Hey guys I'm back! I'm SO sorry for the long wait. Thanksgiving weekend is the busiest weekend at my job so I've been really busy and too tired to motivate myself to write. But here I am with Part V. I really hope you like it. Please review and let me know what you think. Love, Ellivia22

A/N: By the way I tweaked Cyborg's backstory a little. I hope you don't mind and you like it.

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, they would've showed more of Cyborg's backstory in the original show.

**I'll Be**

** Part V**

** Raven**

Nevermore is almost in utter chaos when I enter after my talk with Cyborg. The atmosphere is almost blood red, which only means one thing: Rage is getting stronger. If I don't watch it she'll break out and that's the last thing I need right now. I need to calm her down before I talk to Robin, otherwise I know fore sure that she will escape.

I pace back and forth in the large room of Nevermore that I use to have meetings with all my emotions. The walls are white and have framed pictures, one on each wall: a portrait of Azar in his everyday orange and red robed attire; another of my mother clad in her white robes, a photo of the entire team; and finally, a picture of Beast Boy and I kissing in his bedroom. The frame containing the picture of the Titans has been burned in several places, particularly Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg's faces have been burned out. Most likely Rage's doing. The red cloaked emotion is chained to the wall across from the ruined picture. Her four red eyes glare angrily and she pants heavily.

My other emotions gathered around the circular table watch me as I continue to pace back and forth. I'm trying to make sense of everything that Starfire and Cyborg have told me.

"What has happened to our friends?" Timid asks barely above a whisper, breaking the silence in the room. "Why are they being so mean to Beast Boy?"

"We all want to know that!" Rude says bluntly, letting out an obnoxious belch.

"Perhaps they are afraid of him," Knowledge says, straightening up in her chair. She pushes her glasses further up her face. "Maybe they are afraid to trust him."

"But why would they be afraid of him?" Timid asks, lowering her head sadly.

"Yeah," Love adds, hugging a picture close to her chest. I suspect it's a picture of Beast Boy. "He's my hero. He saved us!"

I stop pacing to look at my emotions. "There has to be more to it than just the incident in the lab. Cyborg showed so much hate when he talked about Beast Boy. I wish I knew what his real reason was, but I am no closer to finding out what." I look at each and every one of my emotions. "Robin is going to be the most difficult to convince. So I'm going to need each and every one of you. More importantly, I need all of you to remain calm when I talk to him. Understand?" I stare hard at a struggling Rage. "That includes you!"

The red cloaked emotion glares back, struggling even harder against the chains that are keeping her against the wall. Her blood red eyes are full of vengeance. "I have a better idea. Let me talk to Robin. I'll make sure he sees reason!"

"Not a chance," I shoot back sharply. "You might kill him."

Her expression becomes indifferent. "So? He hurt Beast Boy the most. He deserves it!"

"I am _not_ a killer!"

"But what if I just make him suffer a little..."

"NO!" With a wave of my hand I use my magic to strengthen the chains that are starting to wear down from her pulling on them.

Timid's soft words tear my attention away from Rage. "W-what are we going to tell Beast Boy?"

"We have to tell him the truth," Wisdom says immediately. "We have to tell him what the other said."

"But the truth will hurt him," Timid replies. "I-I don't want him to feel worse."

"Keeping it from him will hurt him even more," Knowledge interjects, siding with Wisdom. "Telling Beast Boy is the right thing to do."

Love looks down at the photo frame that she still is clutching. "I just hope he knows how much I love him," she says in a much softer voice.

I give the purple cloaked emotion a reassuring smile, thinking about last night. His strong embrace around me and his sweet, passionate kisses. "He does, Love. He does."

I exit Nevermore, still thinking about last night. I haven't seen Beast Boy all day. I miss him terribly. I hope with all my heart that he's okay. I decide to go check on him before I talk to Robin.

When I open his door a few minutes later I find the green boy curled up in the bottom bunk of his bed. His light snores tell me that he's fast asleep. I feel relieved. After everything he's been through he needs rest. I loom closer until I'm standing right in front of him.

Beast Boy is indeed asleep, but I can tell by the troubled expression on his face that he's surrounded by nightmares. I can feel my heart ache seeing him like this. Gently I run my hand through his green hair. It's wet, but soft from the touch. He must've just taken a shower. I'm not sure what he's dreaming about, but judging by his tensed up body and the strength of his anguished emotions it's nothing good.

I lean in closer, giving him a gentle kiss on his cheek. Then I whisper some sweet words in hopes that will make his dreams more pleasant. "I'll be your crying shoulder. I'll be the greatest fan of your life. I promise. I love you."

Slowly his scrunched up face relaxes, but he doesn't wake up. I can feel his tension ebb away slightly. I give him on last kiss on the cheek then leave his room. Next I have to find Robin. I feel my cloak change from blue to white as all my emotions consume me to give me the perfect balance. I'm ready to talk to the one person who hurt Beast Boy the most. Hopefully I'm strong enough to get through to him. Otherwise I don't know what I'll do next.

* * *

When I manage to find Robin it's the middle of the afternoon. Because it's close to being winter time, the sun has already begun its descent, bringing in the night. I find the Boy Wonder slouched on the couch, flipping aimlessly through the channels on the massive TV in front of him. His masked face is expressionless. Already I can feel Rage getting strong within me. Using my powers I make the huge TV crackle, breaking with a simple pop! The screen goes pitch black.

Robin sits up fast, looking around wildly for the cause of the TV breaking. He glares at me angrily when he sees me. "Raven! What did you do that for?!"

I don't bother answering his question. "What in the hell is the matter with you?! Why were you such a jerk to Beast Boy last night?!"

Robin gets up from the couch to face me. His face changes from anger to stony and cold. "I'm just trying to be a good leader by protecting the team from all possible threats. Beast Boy is dangerous and you need to stay away from him."

"How many times do I have to tell you, Beast Boy DIDN'T HURT ME! He saved my life! How _dare_ you threaten to put your own teammate in jail! That is not what a good leader does! A good leader would know when his teammate is not in his right mind and do his best to help him! "

"He may not have hurt you, but he attacked us while in Beast form. He had caused multiple injuries on all of us. He could've killed one of us-could've killed Starfire!"

It's as if a lightbulb clicks in my head. Suddenly it all makes sense. "So that's what this is all about," I say, my voice dropping to a dangerous level. "You are blaming Beast Boy for unintentionally hurting Starfire."

Robin doesn't answer, but the fury on his masked face confirms everything. The living room starts to rattle, the lights above us are flickering. I'm getting angry and I find that I don't care. "You are such a hypocrite!" I spit out venomously. "Beast Boy was not in his right mind when he became the Beast. You, on the other hand, chose to become Red X without informing us. You knowingly stole and committed crimes just to impress Slade. Not to mentioned you fought and injured _us_ when we tried to stop you and never apologized. We chose to forgive you and move on and never _once_ did we threaten to put you in jail for breaking the law. Why can't you grant Beast Boy the same mercy?!"

The hatred is evident on Robin's face. Hatred not towards me, but obviously our green teammate. I had no idea that Robin hated Beast Boy this much. "Because he doesn't deserve it. He is a pathetic excuse of a superhero. I never should've let him join the team in the first place. He's worthless and we'd be much better off without him!"

Robin's words are like a sharp slap across the face. It becomes clear to me that no matter what I do or say, he's not going to listen to me. His opinion of Beast Boy isn't going to change and Robin is going to continue to hold onto his hate. I make a decision. If this team is going to remain heartless, cruel, and uncaring then I want no part of it. The lights stop flickering and objects stop levitating as I start to calm down. The decision to leave seems to be an acceptable idea by all my emotions.

"Well, if that's how you feel then I'll make sure he leaves the tower. And I'm going with him. I can't just stand by and let you treat someone so cruelly for something he had no control over. Beast Boy isn't the problem, Robin. YOU are! You and your hate. I hope you are happy with the cold team you have created." I turn to go back to Beast Boy's room. I look back at Robin to get my last words in. "Oh, and not that you care, but Beast Boy almost blew his brains out last night. Goodbye. I hope you have a miserable life."

I storm down the hall in the direction of Beast Boy's room. Rage is getting so close to breaking out. I can feel it. The Teen Titans is no longer the team it once was. Beast Boy deserves so much more respect than the others are giving him. If I can convince him to leave the tower with me I will make sure that his life is happy again.

Once I reach Beast Boy's door I can hear strange sounds coming from the other side. Scuffling, punching sounds. It sounds like a fight. I don't hesitate to open the door with my magic.

A figure wearing a black and metal armored suit is in the middle of the room. I gasp seeing Beast Boy slung over his shoulder. He's out cold.

"Beast Boy!" I cry. The figure looks at me. I recognize the orange mask immediately. It's one of Slade's henchmen. "Let him go!" I yell, warming my hands.

Before I can use my powers something hard hits me on the back of my head. The last thing I see before passing out is Beast Boy's communicator falling to the floor as he's carried out the window.

**Cyborg**

I lay on the slab I use for a bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. The machine next to me beeps steadily as it charges my batteries. Not that I need to charge-I still have a full battery from last night. For the first time since I became a Titan I don't have the motivation or desire to do anything. I feel...emotionless. Almost like a real robot.

Clutched in my robotic hands is a wooden framed photograph. In the photo is my sixteen year old self next to my parents. They were wearing white lab coats, my mother was holding onto a tan clipboard. My father had his hand on my shoulder. In my arms I was clutching onto a large golden trophy that I had won for football. I was normal, not part metal. All of that changed a month later.

I trace my mother's face with my finger. It's been two years. This picture is the only way I can remember what she looked like. "I miss you, Mom." I squeeze my eyes shut tight as I once again relive the day my life changed forever.

_"Detention again?! Victor, you've _got_ to be kidding me!" _

_ Even though I stood a foot taller than my 5 foot 4 inch mother I immediately cowered seeing the absolute fury behind her round rimmed glasses. Her black hair, which was up in its usual tight bun was starting to come undone. I recovered quickly. "Awe, Mom, it was nothing. Mr. Milsaps was just overreacting." _

_ "You were hanging out with that Evers boy again, weren't you?! I _told _you to stay away from him! He's bad news!"_

_ I looked around the crowded laboratory in hopes that my father was close by. I doubted that he would be on my side, since he didn't like my best friend, Ron, either. But maybe he could calm my mother down. I didn't see him. Instead all I saw were dozens of scientists performing experiments, working on the large circular object that could open the portal to another dimension, and mixing antidotes that S.T.A.R. Labs had already discovered. No sign of my father. _

_ "Victor? VICTOR?!" I turned my attention back on my mother. Her face was starting to go red. She was about to enter full rage mode. "Are you even listening to me?!"_

_ "Yes ma'am," I tried to say as convincing as possible. _

_ She looked down at her trusty clipboard, then back at me. "It has become obvious to me that 189 is not a high enough IQ. But once I give you this week's treatment, you'll be too smart to even consider associating with Ron anymore."_

_ The anger and resentment floored inside me quickly. I was so sick of being one of her experiments. Why couldn't she just leave me alone and let me live my life the way I want to? "No! I refuse to take another dosage! I just want to live a normal life! You can't make me do this!" _

_ "Yes I can. You are my son and you will do what I say!"_

_ "But-."_

_ Before I could say anything else a loud and furious growl erupted in the lab. It sounded like a wild animal; an animal ready for the kill. When my mother and I turned around to see what was going on, the first thing I noticed was a swirling blue and white portal was in the middle of the circular structure. The portal to another dimension was open. I watched in amazement and horror as the biggest creature I had ever seen emerged from the portal. It stood on two legs and was completely covered in black fur. It had to be taller than me by at least another foot. Large claws protruded from its paws that looked like it could take out anything with one swipe. The beast continued to growl, showing off its sharp and pointy teeth. _

_ "CLOSE THE PORTAL!" a deep voice bellowed over the frantic screams from extremely terrified scientists. My father. "SEND THAT THING BACK WHERE IT BELONGS!"_

_ The Beast didn't give us a chance. It lunged forward, swiping and mauling anything and everything in its path. I became sick to my stomach seeing the laboratory becoming covered in blood and flesh. The smell of iron from the blood was starting to become nauseating. The screams around me switched from horrified to agonizing. I couldn't hold the contents in my stomach any longer seeing the corpse of a scientist laying over to the side, his face ripped clean off, exposing just meat and bones. _

_ My heart pounded hard in my chest. At the same time I felt my adrenaline pick up. We had to get out of here fast before we were next on the menu. More importantly I had to make sure that my parents made it out alive. _

_ I attempted to grab my mother by the arm. Instead of complying with me, she pushed me on the chest. Hard. She pushes me so hard I hit the side of the wall in a daze. It only takes me a second to realize why. _

_ Before I could do anything, the large beast advanced on my mother. I watched in horror as the ferocious beast clamped its large jaws on my mother's throat. "MOM!"_

_ "ELINORE!" my father yelled by the still swirling portal. I vaguely noticed that he was trying desperately to find a way to suck the beast back in the portal and shut it down at the same time. I couldn't take my eyes off my mother as she twitched, then went limp, the blood flowing fast down her neck. Then with one last crunch, she fell to the floor. _

_ "Mom, no," I cried in anguish. _

_ The Beast turned his attention on me. I looked straight into its black eyes. Empty, void of feeling. It was just a monster. He lunged at me. Then I remembered no more. _

I wipe the stray tears away, but keep my eyes closed. When I woke up from that incident I learned that my father managed to send the creature back through the portal and shut it down. In an attempt to save my life he made me who I am today-a cyborg. Over time I've been able to push the memory at the back of my mind, but since BB turned into a Beast last week, it's been on my mind constantly.

I open my eyes. The first thing I see is the cork bulletin board next to my computer. It's filled with pictures of me with all my friends-but most of them are with Beast Boy; all our good memories.

_Beast Boy almost committed suicide._

The intense pain I'm feeling on the inside from the memory of my past is replaced by intense guilt. I've kept my distance from Beast Boy out of fear that history would repeat itself and I will lose another person I care about. I want to believe that Beast Boy would not hurt anyone, but I've had my doubts seeing how angry he can get and the level of damage he did to the city that night.

_He almost shot himself in the head last night._

The more I think about what Raven said to me earlier, the more I realize that perhaps I was wrong about Beast Boy. The chemicals must be completely eradicated from his system, meaning he's back to normal. If that's the case, then he is no longer a threat. Thinking about everything that has happened the past couple of days, I realize that Beast Boy hasn't shown any signs of being controlled by the Beast. In fact he's been acting the exact opposite. I've closed myself off so much that I haven't realized the way I've been treating him.

I've been a terrible best friend. In fact, I've been worse than an enemy. I hurt him deeply. I wince when I remember seeing the absolute fear and despair in his green eyes when he ran into me after lunch. I remember how pale his green skin was and how he looked so worn down. If what Raven said is true, then I almost lost the one person who has never judged me: my best friend. All because I was being stupid. I have to fix this. I have to fix this _now_.

I exit my room. I try to think of what to say to him as I make my way towards Beast Boy's room. What if refuses to listen? What if he won't even see me? Honestly, after everything I put him through, I wouldn't blame him.

I notice immediately that his door is left halfway open. That's strange. He probably went somewhere and forgot to close it. What I see next turns my blood into ice and erases and hopes of reconciling with my former best friend. My worst fears have been confirmed.

Lying in the middle of Beast Boy's room, face down, is a blue cloaked figure. Raven. A pool of blood is forming around her head. I feel sick from the sight. I don't want to believe that Beast Boy had hurt her. But he did.

"RAVEN!"

I rush over to the girl who I consider as my little sister and flip her on her back. I sigh immediately in relief when I realize that she's still breathing She' bleeding from what looks like a head wound. Beast Boy must've hit her with something to knock her out. Of all the people he would hurt, why would he do it to the one person who loves him?

A high pitched scream makes me look away from Raven. Robin and Starfire are standing in the doorway, both of their faces an ashen color. "Raven!" Starfire gasps. "Oh no!"

"She's alive," I tell the alien. "She's just been knocked out."

"I warned her," Robin says, his voice mixed with anger and concern. "I told her he was dangerous!"

I pick up Raven fully into my arms. She's as light as a feather. "Let's get her to the medical ward," I say tightly. "We'll deal with Beast Boy later."

As I leave the room I feel my chest tighten, followed by a burning pain. Looks like my friendship with Beast Boy is officially over now. Once Raven wakes up my next mission will be to cut all ties with him. It's for the best.

**To be continued...**


	6. Part VI

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry about the long wait. Since Christmas is around the corner I've been working so much I've barely had time to do much of anything. And since Christmas is fast approaching, I regret to inform you that I probably won't be updating for another week or two. But I promise I will get the next chapter out as soon as I can. Thanks for understanding. And please send me a review and let me know what you think about this chapter. I really like it and I'm hoping you guys like it too. Take care and happy holidays! ~Ellivia22~

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, I'd have one of my stories as an actual episode (unfortunately not this trilogy since it's so dark lol)

**I'll Be**

** Part VI**

** Beast Boy**

When I wake up everything is hazy. I feel as though my mind is enveloped by a cloud and every part of my body weighs a ton. I feel drowsy, my vision is fuzzy. What in the hell happened to me? Once my vision clears an even better question enters my mind: where in the hell am I? The place that I'm at I don't recognize at all. Wherever I am is a gray room with stone walls. The room is about twice the size as the common room in the tower. Judging from the number of cardboard boxes and miscellaneous junk scattered everywhere, my guess is that I'm in a basement of some sort.

The temperature in the room is so cold I can feel the goosebumps all over my body and my teeth are chattering. I try to move my arms in an attempt to warm myself, but find that I can't. I realize in horror that I am chained against one of the walls. I'm up so high that my feet are hanging in the air. Thick silver chains are wrapped tightly around my chest and back, stopping at the waist. Fear hits me fast. I've been captured.

Then I remember: after several attempts to read the comic books that I bought, I fell into an uneasy sleep. My dreams were full of nightmares at first, but calmed down at the very end. The next thing I knew my window broke and I was fighting one of Slade's henchmen. Then nothing...

I squeeze my eyes shut tight. My heart pounds hard against my chest in anxiety. What does Slade want with me? I have nothing to offer him-or anyone else for that matter. I'm not worth anything. And if Slade is planning on using me as bait he's in for a major disappointment. Nobody is going to come rescue me. Raven, maybe, but two against Slade and his army doesn't give us good odds of making it out alive.

I attempt to hold back the tears. Maybe it's better this way. I will die, not breaking my promise to Raven and the others will be relieved of the burden I put upon them. I will finally be at peace.

Raven's face flashes in my mind. The expression on her porcelain features is of extreme terror and hurt-the same expression she wore when she caught me with the gun. No, I can't hurt her again. I have to survive. I have to fight. _I've got to get out of here._

I struggle desperately against the chains that are holding me up. Not good. They are strong. I force myself to concentrate. I need to be big and strong-like a gorilla. I visualize a large green gorilla with massive paws. That's strange. I'm not morphing. Instead it's like hitting a brick wall. I've never had trouble morphing before. Sweat drips down my face from the strenuous effort.

"Don't even bother trying to transform," a sinister, yet familiar voice rings in the room. "The chains across your body is suppressing your powers."

Slade comes out of the shadows. I stare hatefully into the man's masked face. I'll never forgive him for what he did to Terra. "Why the hell did you bring me here?! What do you want with me?!" My green eyes narrow. "If you're planning on using me as bait, forget about it. Nobody is coming to save me."

"I brought you here to offer you the chance of a lifetime. I know how you're feeling right now: alone, hurt, rejected. I know what your friends have been doing to you. I can mend that wound. Become my apprentice and I promise you will receive the respect you deserve."

I stare at him in disbelief. Is he out of his mind? "After what you did to Terra, what makes you think that _I _would join _you_?!"

Slade steps closer. The closer he gets, the more nervous I feel. "Because, unlike your so called "friends," I see the potential in you. You have the power to become big and and strong, or small and fast at will. It is a great ability. I can make you into the greatest villain who has ever lived-aside for me of course."

I consider his offer for a very brief moment. I want more than anything for the pain to go away, for people to finally see me for who I really am, instead of the idiot joker. I want people to take me seriously. However, no matter how many bad things that happen to me through my life I refuse to become a villain. All I ever want is to do good and I know that joining Slade will lead me down the wrong path. Plus I know that joining the other side would hurt Raven-and that's the last thing I want to do.

"Never," I whisper, not taking my eyes off him.

"What was that?" Slade asks in his usual tone. "I didn't catch that."

"NEVER! I'll NEVER join you!" I shout furiously.

Slade's eyes narrow. "Poor choice, though I shouldn't be surprised. Until you can let go of your friends, you won't be able to see the great opportunity that I am trying to offer you. Perhaps this will change your mind." He presses a button that I just notice he has in his hand.

At first nothing seems to be happening. Then I feel it. The chains wrapped around me are beginning to grow hot. It's a welcoming feeling in the beginning. My body finally starts to warm up from the freezing temperature and the goosebumps disappear.

I grit my teeth, forcing myself to keep my eyes on Slade the entire time. The burning is starting to get excruciating. I so desperately want to scream out, but I force myself to hold it in. My stomach churns in nausea because of the smell of my flesh burning. Involuntary tears fall down my face. My skin is starting to split into blisters from the pain-especially in my chest and back.

I let out an agonizing scream once the burning gets to the point of being unbearable. I don't beg him to stop. I don't give into him. I don't want to give him the satisfaction. At last the pain becomes more than I can handle. My body gives out and I slip into unconsciousness.

* * *

I open my eyes slowly sometime later. I realize with disappointment that I'm still locked in Slade's cold basement. I'm not sure how long that I've been out. My guess is a couple of hours. The longer I'm here, the more I realize that I'm never going to be rescued. If only I could see Raven one more time. I want to tell her how much I love her. I almost wish I could see the other Titans too, even though they still hate me. I want to say a proper goodbye.

The door to the basement opens, flooding light into the dark room. I wince, the light hurting my sensitive vision. I watch in absolute fear as Slade and two of his henchmen descend the stairs. What does he have planned next? Honestly, I wish he would just kill me and get it over with. It's not like I want to live anyway. Unfortunately I know Slade. He's going to make my life a living hell before he actually kills me.

"Hope you had a good rest, my apprentice," Slade says. "I have a strenuous training session planned for you today."

I roll my eyes to the ceiling. "How many times do I have to tell you, dude? I'm _not_ joining you!" I'm glaring at him so hard I barely notice that his henchmen are releasing me from my chains that are holding me up. The chains around my body are being removed too. I hit the ground with a thud. I sway, barely having the strength to stand on my feet. I rub my wrists subconsciously.

"You WILL join me, mark my words," Slade snarls venomously, pulling out his silver staff. "And when you do, you will start respecting me!"

He advances quickly towards me. I look around quickly in hopes that I'd be able to escape. No such luck. There are no windows or small holes that I can crawl in. Looks like I'm going to have to fight. Slade raises his staff, aiming straight for my head. I think fast, a grizzly bear is the first animal that comes to mind.

"AAAAH!" As I attempt to transform, the burns on my chest and back flare up in the worst pain I've ever felt. I feel as though my entire body is being split in half. I fall to my knees. I duck just in time to miss Slade's attack to my head by inches. I roll as far away from him as I can, trying my best to ignore the pain that flares with every move I make.

Panting, I force myself to my feet, raising my fists. Looks like transforming is out of the question. Slade charges me again, but this time I'm not fast enough to dodge him. His staff hits me hard in the side. The force knocks me down, while his fist hits me on the left side of my face. I groan. Already breathing is becoming difficult. My strength is failing me.

"My my," Slade says. He stands over my crumpled form. He kicks me hard in the stomach. "So disappointing. If you're going to be my apprentice you're going to have to do better than that."

"But...I don't want-." He kicks me again-in the chest this time. I puke up blood. I feel like something cracks on the inside. I think he broke my ribs. Before I can react, Slade grabs me by the collar of my purple and black uniform and pulls me up. Then he punches me hard in the face again.

_If I had to choose between you and the team I'll always choose you._

Raven's words in my mind are like aloe to a bad sunburn. I don't feel the agonizing pain as strongly. All of a sudden I have a new determination to survive. I'm going to fight. Not for me...but for her. It takes a couple of agonizing minutes before I get to the strength to stand up again. I wipe the blood off my mouth and raise my fists again.

"You are still going to try and fight me." Slade smiles in satisfaction. "I couldn't be more proud. Not giving up is an important trait that I look for in a hopeful."

"I...I'm not fighting...for you. I'm fighting for...Raven."

I turn into a bull, charging hard and fast towards my enemy. Slade dodges me easily. I turn back into myself. My vision is starting to go fuzzy. It's like I'm seeing two of the man I hate the most. I think I'm going to pass out again. I aim one last punch at my enemy. It doesn't phase him in the slightest. Instead he grabs my wrist and twists it completely around.

"AAAH" I scream. The bones in my wrist snap easily like twigs. I fall to the ground, clutching my wrist. Dark spots blink around me.

"I think that's enough training for the day," Slade says, motioning to one of his henchmen who have been standing to the side the entire time. "We'll try again later when you are more cooperative." I feel a needle prick on m neck. "Sweet dreams," Slade says.

Then I know no more.

**Raven**

It's like de ja voux when I wake up in the medical ward. My head is pounding. I feel like my skull had been smashed in. The first thing I notice when I wake up is a pair of green eyes staring at me. At first I think it's Beast Boy blinking back at me, but once my vision gets back into focus I realize that it's just Starfire.

"How are you feeling, friend?" Starfire asks gently.

I groan in response, forcing myself into a sitting position. It takes me a minute to remember what had happened: Beast Boy was captured and I was knocked out before I could save him from Slade's henchman. I look around the medical ward wildly. Robin is leaning against the wall by the door, his arms folded. Cyborg is standing in front of my bed, Starfire is sitting in a chair right beside me. No Beast Boy.

"Where's Beast Boy?" I ask as calmly as I can. It isn't easy. I can already feel the panic my emotions are experiencing at this moment.

"We don't know and we don't care," Robin spits out in fury. "We haven't seen him since he attacked you."

_Not this again!_ "HE DIDN'T HURT ME!" I shriek. The medical equipment around me sizzles because of my powers.

"You can't defend him anymore, Raven," Cyborg says sternly. "We found you unconscious in his room. We know he attacked you."

Rage is coming so close to the surface. At this point I am way too furious to care. I feel an extra set of eyes growing on my forehead. "It wasn't him! It was Slade! His henchman knocked me out and took Beast Boy! We have to save him!"

Starfire is the only one in the room who looks slightly moved from my words. Worry and doubt is written all over her face. However, there seems to be something else holding her back. "It has been two days. If what you are saying is true, then it is too late to save Beast Boy. I am sorry, Raven."

Starfire's words echo in my head, filling me with anxiety. Two days? I've been out for two days and they haven't even gone after Beast Boy?! As I look at the serious, yet indifferent looks on everyone's faces I realize that they don't even care if Beast Boy is alive or dead right now. That one fact makes me lose all control. Rage breaks free from her chains inside my mind. As I slip into unconsciousness, I pray for my friends souls since they are about to face Rage's wrath.

**Rage**

_Freedom at last!_ I don't waste any time. I have been waiting for this opportunity since we learned the truth about our so called "friends". Now I can finally make them pay for driving the only person I care about to the brink of suicide.

Feeling the power of my anger inside me I rise high into the air. Already I can sense the terror of the other Titans. Good. They deserve to be afraid and I'm going to make sure they suffer too. I glare down at them in fury with my four red eyes.

"R-raven, calm down," Robin stammers, his face paper white. He holds his hands up in defense. Cyborg and Starfire get as far away from me as possible. I use my powers to block the door so that there is no escape. "L-let's just talk about this!"

"Raven is done talking," I boom in my demonic voice. "From now on you are going to be dealing with me. I'm here to make _damn_ sure that you suffer for what you did to Beast Boy!"

Without hesitation I start throwing anything and everything that I can get my hands on at my former friends. All three Titans dart in different directions to avoid being hit.

"Raven stop!" Cyborg yells, dodging a computer monitor that is heading straight for his head. "We're sorry!"

"Sorry?! SORRY?! BEAST BOY COULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! IF YOU GUYS JUST LISTENED TO ME, IF YOU HADN'T TREATED BEAST BOY LIKE TRASH HE'D STILL BE IN THE TOWER, BUT NO! HE MADE _ONE_ MISTAKE AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE'S WORTHLESS?! YOU HYPOCRITICAL PATHETIC EXCUSE OF HEROES! I'M ASHAMED THAT I EVEN KNOW YOU!"

I continue to rant and scream even after running out of things to throw. I am beyond furious and I want them to know it. They think the Beast is bad? I'm much worse. Unlike the Beast, I have no qualms in killing anyone or anything. I envelop Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire in black aura, squeezing them tight. I relish in the look of pain and absolute horror on their faces. "I should kill all of you," I snarl. "But after what you all have done, death is too good for you. Perhaps, however, I shall show you what real pain feels like!" I grin in satisfaction, seeing their faces change from pale, to blue to purple the harder I squeeze. Maybe I should break some bones, make them bleed.

Out of nowhere a strange and extremely painful sensation enters every part of my body. I feel as though I have been struck by lightning. Every part of my body spasms and I feel numb all over. What is wrong with me?

The sudden feeling of pain distracts me enough for Raven to gain control. I struggle to stay dominant, but she is too strong. Reluctantly I let go of the Titans and shrink in size. I shriek in indignation as I feel myself being thrown back into Nevermore. I may no longer be in charge, but I am finally free of my chains. I will come back and make sure the others pay. Soon.

**Raven**

I collapse to my knees. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" I chant over and over again. I desperately attempt to get my emotions under control. It isn't easy. Rage is still really strong. I pant heavily. My heartbeat is irregular and my muscles are still tingly from the sudden pain. Where did that come from? Why do I feel so weird?

Then it hits me. I'm not feeling my pain. I'm feeling Beast Boy's. He's still alive, but in trouble. Slade is doing something to him. I have to save him before it's too late.

A gentle hand is on my shoulder. "Friend Raven. A-are you all right?"

I look up, glaring at Starfire with my still four red eyes. "DO. NOT. TOUCH. ME!" I snarl. Starfire backs up quickly. I glare at everyone in the room. I'm still seething, but this time more in control. "I'm going to save Beast Boy. And when I do we are _not_ coming back!"

Then without another word I teleport back to my room to find my locator spell. I hope with all my heart that I will get to Beast Boy in time.

**Starfire**

I stand rooted to the ground in the now destroyed medical room. My entire body trembles, my heart racing from what had just occurred. Raven has always been so careful with her emotions. Seeing her rage in full form was the most terrifying experience-even worse than when Beast Boy was influenced by the chemicals.

I cannot stop thinking about Raven and all her angry words. Raven has never lost control like this before. I fear that I might be to blame. I struggle to hold back the tears, but that proves to be impossible.

"Star, are you all right?" Robin asks shakily, coming up beside me. His masked face is extremely white and full of concern. I nod silently. Tears run rapidly down my cheeks. I cover my face and run out of the room. "Starfire!" Robin calls after me. I do not respond. I want to be alone.

Once I am alone in my room I flop on my bed, pulling Silkie close to me. The worm snuggles into my arms. Sobs escape my throat. I have never felt so lost, so confused, so frightened. This is the worst day of my life-even worse than the day I was sold to the Gordanians. I want to believe with all my heart that Raven is right-that Beast Boy did not hurt her; he is no longer a threat. I cannot get the image of Raven unconscious out of my head. Is Robin right? Is Raven just covering for Beast Boy? Or have I been wrong all this time and Beast Boy is in danger? Oh I am so confused! As I hug Silkie close to me I remember that Beast Boy had given him to me.

I decide to go to the dwellings of Beast Boy and have a look around. Perhaps it will help me clear my head and give me some answers. The first thing I notice when I arrive is how clean the room is. Beast Boy has never been the clean type. Immediately something catches my eyes. A large pile of items on the floor with a sign in front of it. My name is on the front in black ink.

I slide to the ground in front of the pile. I see a green book titled The World's Greatest Jokes and several cooking magazines. Why are these here? I do not understand. I pick up the sign and realize it is a letter. I open up and read what it says.

_Dear Starfire,_

_ By the time you find this letter, it will already be too late to save me. I'm sorry that I have chosen this way out by killing myself, but I just can't take it anymore. Before I go though, I feel that I owe you an apology. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry with all my heart for the prank I pulled. I'm so sorry that I attacked you and the others when I was in control of the Beast. I never meant to hurt you or scare you so much. I hope that someday you will be able to forgive me for all the harm I've caused. _

_ Thank you for being such a kind and caring friend to me. Take care of yourself. _

_ Your friend,_

_ Garfield Logan_

_ "Beast Boy"_

_P.S. I hope you and Robin have a great life together. _

I feel absolutely devastated from reading the words on the page. For the first time I notice the pile of bullets on the ground beside the unmade bed. All this makes everything more real. Raven was telling the truth. Beast Boy did try to kill himself the night of the carnival. Why did I not believe her? Worst of all, why did I not see how much Beast Boy has been suffering?

I get up unsteadily to my feet. Now that I am seeing things more clearly I am starting to question recent events. Perhaps Raven is right and Beast Boy is in trouble. We need to save him! It is the only way I can forgive myself for everything I have done to someone who I still consider to be my friend.

Before I leave the room something catches my eye under the large window. A yellow and black communicator. Does that belong to Beast Boy? I pick it up. Blood is smeared on one side. Something is not right. I do not know who the blood belongs to, but I have to find out.

I fly out of the room as quickly as I can. I find Robin and Cyborg in the living room. Robin is pacing back and forth in front of the TV. Cyborg is sitting on the couch, starting almost blankly forward. I stand in front of Cyborg, not wanting to waste any time.

"Friend Cyborg, I have found a communicator in the room of Beast Boy. It has blood on it."

"Probably Beast Boy's weapon of choice," Robin mutters darkly. I ignore him, my heart racing. Cyborg looks back at me uneasily. He is trying to decide if he should help me or not. "Would you just test it for me, please," I ask quietly, the tears still present in my eyes.

Cyborg nods mutely, opening his mechanical arm and scans the communicator. His human eye widens. "My scanner shows two DNA profiles. One is BB's-the other belongs to one of Slade's henchmen. Raven was right. BB's in trouble."

I gasp. "We must save him!"

"I agree," Cyborg says, standing up from the couch.

Robin stops his pacing. The look on his face is of unconcern. "Beast Boy deserves whatever happens to him."

My eyes go green with anger from his comment. How could he say such a thing?! That is not the Robin I know. "Why would you say that?! This proves that Raven was telling the truth! Beast Boy never hurt her. He deserves to be saved!"

"Not after all the damage he has caused to the city. More importantly I refuse to forgive him for hurting you."

I place my hands on my hips, glaring angrily at my secret crush. Why is Robin being so uncaring? Now that I think about it, Robin is the one who told me that Beast Boy was so dangerous. Why did I trust him instead of trusting my own instincts? "Robin, why are you being so uncaring?! Beast Boy is our friend and is in danger! You know how ruthless Slade is. We must rescue Beast Boy before it is too late!"

"She's right, man." Cyborg says folding his arms.

I move in front of Robin, taking one of his gloved hands into my own. "If I can forgive you for hurting me, you can forgive him. Please, Robin. Trust me."

His cold expression softens slightly. "Very well, Starfire. But I'm only doing this for you."

I hurry to the room of Raven to inform her that we are going to assist her. She is not there. The best thing to do is track her coordinates on the communicator. I hope with all my heart that we make it in time.

**To be continued...**


	7. Part VII

A/N: Hey guys, I'm SO sorry about the long wait. The holidays were insane at my job and then I ended up getting sick for about a week. But to hopefully make up for the wait I have a nice long chapter for you guys. I really hope you like it. Please let me know what you think. I will be going on vacation at the end of the month, meaning I will be without internet for about two weeks. I will try to get part VIII out before then, but if I don't you won't be seeing an update from me until the beginning of February. The good thing about this vacation is that it will give me plenty of time to write so updates should hopefully be more frequent when I get back. Anyway, enjoy Part VII. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans we would know by now if there's ever going to be a season 6. I'm impatiently holding onto hope that the original show will come back someday.

Dedication: Fifteen years ago I dedicated this chapter to my high school crush, Brandon. Even though he ended up not being my soul mate I still dedicate this chapter to him for being the best high school crush I ever had.

**I'll Be**

** Part VII**

** Beast Boy**

Once I regain consciousness again I still have that heavy feeling from whatever Slade has been injecting into me. The first thing I notice when I completely come to is that I'm no longer chained against the wall. Instead I'm laying on a mattress in the corner of the basement. A heavy blanket is on top of me to keep me warm. What the hell?

I sit up, wincing. Despite being captured, last night was probably the best sleep I've gotten since I've been doused with the chemicals. I don't hurt nearly as bad. I glance down at my nearly bare chest. Someone had placed a white cloth on my burns, laced with some soothing substance. Aloe perhaps. Not only that, my broken wrist is wrapped up. Why? What is Slade playing at?

"Good morning, Apprentice," Slade's voice rings in the basement. It's unnaturally pleasant. "I hope you are feeling better."

Despite the minor fixes to my injuries I find that I am still too weak to stand. I watch as Slade emerges into view, a tray in his hands. I expect Slade would try to force me to eat meat as a form of torture, but to my surprise there's just a slab of tofu on a plate with salad and a glass of water. He offers me the tray. "Here. You need your strength."

I stare at the masked villain, not trusting him in the slightest. Knowing him, he probably put poison in it or something. "No thank you," I answer coldly, folding my arms across my chest. "Just because you fixed up the wounds that _you_ inflicted on me does not make me automatically trust you."

"I'm not asking for you to trust me," Slade says. "I don't think anyone has ever trusted me." He places the tray beside me on the mattress. "However, I am hoping that these small gestures will help you see that life will be much easier on you when you decide to join me."

"I still don't understand why you are so determined to get me to join your side. Yes, you mention that you want me for my powers, but we have battled many times. You should be well aware that I'm the weakest person on the Titans. Surely you'd be more successful with someone else."

"Selling yourself short is not going to get you out of this," Slade answers. "I chose you not solely based on your powers, but because of your loyalty. I know all about you, Garfield Logan. Every team that you've been on-whether it be the Doom Patrol or the Teen Titans, you have always been a loyal teammate. Loyalty is a very important trait to have. I know that once you realize all that I have to offer you I will have your loyalty. Forever."

"It's great you have so much faith in me," I reply. For some strange reason Slade's words give me a confidence boost. "Especially since nobody seems to believe in me anymore. But you are forgetting something, dude. Despite the way my teammates have been treating me I am still loyal to them. I am loyal to the Teen Titans. And to Raven. I'll always be loyal to her. No amount of torture that you inflict on me will change that."

Slade's eyes narrow. "Is that so?"

"Yes." I try to sound strong and confident, but it's difficult to do. The fear is building up fast. I can feel my heart pounding and breathing becoming more difficult. I know that I just condemned myself to more torture, possibly death, but I don't care. I refuse to give into Slade no matter what.

Slade snaps his fingers. His two henchmen appear and grab me roughly from the mattress. My knees buckle, but the henchmen force me to stay standing. "Well then, I think it would only be fair to warn you that I used to be in the military. I am _very_ familiar with torturing someone into submission. You **WILL** join me!"

I involuntarily start shaking when two more henchmen come into view pushing a white stretcher on wheels. A large leather strap is in the middle, and a leather cuff on each side. I don't even attempt to struggle as I'm forced onto the stretcher and strapped up. "W-what are you going to do to me now?" I cringe when the henchmen rip the rest of the upper part of my purple and black uniform, exposing my mutilated chest. Then they place multiple circular white pads on various parts on my torso. They finish by attaching more pads on various parts of my head.

"I'd like to call this Thought Reform. You'll see things much differently once I'm finished." I close my eyes tightly. I try not to think about what's about to happen otherwise I'll freak out even more and make things worse. "Let's try the lowest voltage first."

My body convulses involuntarily when I feel the electricity enter my body. Like when he burned me I force myself to not make a sound. _It's not so bad_ I attempt to tell myself reassuringly, even though I feel my head buzzing and every muscle tingling. _I can survive this._

"Kick it up a notch," Slade instructs.

I grit my teeth so hard I can feel them trembling. My mind starts to feel slightly fuzzy. Why is Slade doing this to me? Why am I with Slade anyway? I should be back at the tower with my friends. They are my friends. Aren't they? And Raven-does she truly love me? I'm not so sure anymore.

"He's surprisingly still strong enough to defy me. Put it to the maximum."

The buzzing of the electricity going through my body is overshadowed by my tortured screams. My head is going to explode any second. I try to think of Raven as a distraction. Instead all I can think about is the sinking feeling that I'll never see her again.

* * *

_In the form of a green cheetah I sprinted as fast as I could toward home. It felt as if I had been running for days, when in reality it had only been a couple of hours. I couldn't wait to see the T-shaped tower again. I couldn't wait to see Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg, despite what they still thought of me. Deep down I still considered them my friends. I always would. Most importantly I couldn't wait to see the girl I loved. My Raven. Thinking about her the whole time was the only thing keeping me sane during my capture. Because of her I was strong enough to resist Slade. She was the one person I missed the most. _

_ It came to a great shock when Slade announced that after a torturous month he was letting me go. At first I thought it was just a trick to play with my emotions, but to my surprise he let me walk out the door without argument. Once I was outside in the sunlight I took advantage of his strange kindness and sprinted as far away from him as I could get in my fastest animal form. As I ran, Slade's last words echoed in my head constantly. _

I'll see you soon, Apprentice. When the time is right I know you'll come back to me. Just like Terra did.

_I tried to tell myself that Slade's words were his way of saying that he had given up. After a month of constant torture sessions, he was still unable to break me. But I knew Slade, he would never give up. Still, I would rather be dead than go back to such an evil villain. _

_ I felt my heart pound rapidly in my chest. Not from running, but because Titans Tower was finally in my line of sight. The enormous T looked just as I remembered. At long last I was finally home. I sprinted even faster to the entrance. I was finally safe. Eagerly I resumed human form, then punched the secret code that I knew by heart: 22510720. To my surprise, the screen below the number pad began to flash in red._

_**ACCESS DENIED**_

_That's strange. I was sure that I had entered the code correctly. Just in case I punched in the code again. _

_**ACCESS DENIED**_

_I didn't understand. Why would Cyborg change the code? We've had the same code since after Terra betrayed us. Was there an attack on the tower while I was gone? Were my teammates all right?_

The Titans are glad that you are gone. That's why they never came to rescue you. They don't want you back.

_I whirled around wildly, but there was no one around. That was strange. Instead of being inside my head it sounded like Slade was right next to me, but he wasn't. I was alone. I pushed Slade out of my mind. Slade had to be wrong. My friends were in danger and that was why I couldn't get into the Tower. I wished that I had a way to contact them, but I had lost my communicator somewhere. _

_ Even though my strength was failing me from the long journey I forced myself to turn into a small green hummingbird. I traveled as fast as I could along the side of the building. _

You are nothing more to the Titans than the family pet. Their own personal guard dog.

Leave me alone! _I thought furiously to myself. Once I was high enough I noticed the the window to my room was slightly ajar. Just enough for me to squeeze through. I quickly fly through the opening, then turn back into myself. I sway slightly from the lack of energy, but forced myself to stay standing. At first it would seem that I was in the wrong room. It was definitely my room all right. I recognized the green walls. It looked so different from what I remembered. Where was my bunk bed? Where was the desk I had in the corner? All the personal items I had scattered on the floor for my friends were gone too. _

_ In the middle of the room was a red and black treadmill, a workout bench was in the corner where my desk used to be, a punching bag in the other corner, and a TV mounted on the wall next to my closet. What the hell? Did they really replace me that quickly? A large lump formed in my throat, making it difficult to swallow._

I have to find Raven_ I told myself frantically. _She'll know what's going on.

_At first I planned to go to Raven's room after exiting what used to be my own. I got distracted by sounds of laughter coming from the living room. Familiar laughter. I could hear Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire's cheerful voices as I loomed closer. Not only that, the disgusting smell of steak and ribs flooded my nostrils. Various colors of streamers hung from the ceiling. Balloons were taped to the walls. They were having a party. Were they celebrating that I was gone? I felt myself tremble from that very thought. _

_ "Steaks and ribs are all cooked y'all," Cyborg boomed cheerful, holding the huge plate in his robotic hands. A chef's hat was on his bald head, a white apron covering up his metal front. "Let's get this party started!"_

_ "Smells wonderful, Friend Cyborg," Starfire said joyfully. She got out of Robin's embrace on the couch and started floating toward the kitchen. "I do always enjoy what you cook." _

_ "I agree," Robin said, getting up from the couch as well. "It's nice being able to have meat without listening to dumbass complain about it."_

_ Cyborg laughed. "You and me both, man. I always got so sick of him breathing down my neck whenever I cooked. You know, I'm so glad I tossed out his tofu!"_

_ "Yes! Now we have better smelling foods in the ice box," Starfire added happily. "I can now store more of my pudding."_

You have never been shown the appreciation you deserve. _Slade's voice rang in the halls. I looked around once more, but didn't find him anywhere. _I will make sure you are appreciated.

_The laughter and cruel words from the others hurt more than anything they had done to me so far. Slade was right. I was nothing but a joke to them. A nuisance. Where was Raven? She'd put a stop to this madness. I didn't see her. I was too afraid to venture further into the common room to investigate. I didn't want the others to see me. _

Raven never loved you. She only pretended to so you wouldn't kill yourself. She hates you just as much as the others do.

_The more I saw, the more I was starting to believe what Slade was saying in my mind. I expected the others to act this way, but not Raven. She wouldn't do that to me. She wouldn't lead me on, play with my heart like that. She's not cruel. _

_ "Yo Rae your steak is getting cold," Cyborg called, placing the plate on the kitchen table. _

_ I heard a book snap. Then I saw her. Raven looked the same- same blue cloak, same violet hair, same indifferent expression. She was back to her normal self. I didn't see any hint of being worried or scared for me. If anything she looked _ _relieved_. _Despite all that, she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. _

_ "Sorry," Raven said, floating toward the kitchen. "I had forgotten what it was like to read in peace. I never thought the tower would be this peaceful. I'm so glad Beast Boy's gone."_

_ Robin laughed. "I know what you mean. It is always a pleasant surprise when we succeed in missions without any trouble. I told you guys we'd be better off without that green pest."_

_ More cruel laughter. I leaned against the wall. Every word they said was like iodine in my already open wounds. A tear fell down my face, followed by another. I couldn't help it. My heart was breaking all over again. No wonder they didn't come to rescue me. It was because they all truly hated me. My feet were glued on the floor and I couldn't help but watch as they celebrated a life without me. It took all that was in me to hold the sobs back. _

_ Raven let out a giggle, taking a bite of her steak. "You know, I never actually _ loved _Beast Boy. I just made him think that so he wouldn't commit suicide."_

_ Cyborg let out a low whistle. "Wow that's cold. You should've let him just kill himself. We would've been spared from his stupidity sooner."_

_ "We wouldn't be a good team of superheroes if we had blood on our hands, now would we," Raven said in her usual monotone. "He was so gullible, he believed every word of love I said. I was only going to stay with him until he solved his mental issues. It's a good thing that he's gone, otherwise I'd be stuck with him for a _**LONG**_ time!"_

_ I couldn't take it anymore. Silently I slid down the wall, burying my head in my arms. Quietly I sobbed, my chest burning. Everything I thought I knew was wrong. The Titans never cared about me. Raven never loved me. Nobody ever cared about me...except Slade. _

I am the only one who is trying to do what is best for you, Garfield.

_ Was I seriously considering going back to the worst villain in Jump City history? Did I really want to be a villain? When I really thought about it, being good hadn't gotten me anywhere. It was nothing but heartbreak. Maybe the other side was better. Once I composed myself I stood up and made my way down the hall. The first thing I was going to do was get revenge on the Titans for discarding me like trash. And I knew exactly who I was going to start with. Before I left the tower I heard a frightened voice scream my name. "BEAST BOY!"_

_ Raven_

**Raven**

_Where in the hell did Slade take him to?_

I had been flying quickly through the city for several hours, following the glowing object in front of me. According to my locator spell in order to find the person that I'm looking for I had to enchant a personal object belonging to that person. After searching Beast Boy's room I discovered that the brown leather book he had left for me is his journal. Perfect.

The brown book floats in front of me, glowing bright green. So far it has taken me out of Jump City, strayed away from Gotham. Now I'm about half way to Steel City. My heart pounds vigorously in my chest. Besides the feeling of electric shock I haven't been able to feel Beast Boy since. I hope with all my heart that he's still alive. I don't know if I'd be able to survive without him. Deep in my heart I know that he's my soul mate, and the only person I'd ever want to be with.

Slowly Beast Boy's journal starts descending closer and closer to the ground. Finally. I must be getting close. It finally stops in front of a run down mansion in the middle of nowhere. There's not another house close for miles. The grass looked dead. At first I think the book has led me astray. Why would Slade bring Beast Boy here of all places? When I close my eyes, however, I can feel Beast Boy's presence in my heart. He's here. I think I know where to go.

I don't waste any time. I safely put Beast Boy's journal in my cloak, then shut my eyes and seep through the wall next to the door of the mansion. If Beast Boy is being held here, the most obvious place to check would be the basement. Using my magic I phase my head through the ceiling just enough to see if my hunch is correct.

_Oh my God!_

Beast Boy is here all right. The green changeling is chained against the wall. Thick silver chains are across his exposed chest. I'm horrified by the terrible condition he's in. His chest is mutilated in multiple bruises and what looks horribly like several burns. His face isn't much better. It's swollen and layered in multiple bruises and blood. From my position I can tell that he's unconscious.

**Oh I'm going to KILL Slade** Rage booms in my head.

Before I can get to Beast Boy I notice that two of Slade's henchmen are standing guard. One on each side. That's easy enough. Wordlessly I grab two large boxes that are in the corner of the room with my powers. Then I throw the boxes at my targets as hard as I can. With a heap the guards fall to the ground, knocked out.

"Beast Boy!" I cry, coming into the room. He doesn't move. I have to wake him up fast. I don't hesitate. Gently I place my hands on his battered face. "Garfield, wake up. It's me, Raven. I'm here to save you!" No response. Tears are in my eyes, threatening to fall any second. "Come back to me. Please!"

Relief sweeps me when his eyes slowly. By his dazed expression I can tell he's still really out of it. "R-Raven?"

"Yes it's me."

Before I have the chance to break the chains that are holding him up, his eyes grow cold as ice. Pure hatred is on his face, an expression I've _never _seen on him "GET. AWAY. FROM. ME!"

I take a step back in confusion. "W-what?"

"Why are you here, Raven? Did you come to rub it in my face?!"

"I don't understand."

Tears of hurt appear in his green eyes. "I know the truth. I know that you only pretended to love me so I wouldn't kill myself. H-how could you be so cruel to lead me on like that?!"

The answer is obvious. Slade has done something to Beast Boy to make him doubt my love for the changeling. "Slade has been lying to you. I _do _love you. More than anything in the world." I say softly.

Beast Boy struggles with an internal conflict. I can tell that he's wanting to believe me, but is too afraid to. "J-just go, Raven. I don't want to see you again."

I ignore his words. I refuse to leave this room unless he's coming with me. There's got to be a way that I can show Beast Boy how much I love him. But how?

_Allow me_ Love says passionately in my head. I feel her take over, my cloak changing to a deep purple. I can feel the love for the green changeling sweep me from head to toe. My heart feels almost peaceful. Gently I take Beast Boy's face in my hands. He tries to resist me, but I hold firm. "Garfield, you are the sweetest, most loyal, and bravest person I know. I've loved you since the day you came into my mind and I will continue to love you for the rest of my life. Everything I do is for you. Please, don't doubt our love."

Knowing that time is a factor I lean in, giving him a short, but passionate kiss. In that kiss I pour in all our good memories; memories of our times alone; memories of him making me feel good without knowing it; and of course all the kisses we've shared. When I pull away, Beast Boy is staring at me in extreme relief and pure joy. A tear trickles down his cheek. "Raven," he whispers. "My Raven."

I smile. "Yes. Now let's get you out of these chains."

"I'd hate to interrupt such a tender reunion, but I'm afraid my apprentice is staying right here. Make another move and I'll burn him until there's nothing left but meat and bones."

I whirl around to see Slade descending the stairs, followed by at least three of his henchmen. I fall into a ready stance, my hands glowing black. "So that's why you took him."

"Yes. I had thought that him joining me would give me a strong and loyal ally. But it would seem that his love for you is something no amount of torture can break. So I guess all that is left to do is kill him."

I grit my teeth in fury. The random objects in the room start levitating in the air from my anger. "OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

Slade smiles at me. "But of course. Ladies first."

My cloak turns white as I feel all my emotions come together to help me fight. I rise high in the air, the power running through my veins. Using the objects around me I knock out the approaching henchmen easily, while simultaneously avoiding their line of fire from their laser weapons. I refuse to give up. I'm going to get Beast Boy out alive if it's the last thing I do.

**Beast Boy**

I struggle to watch the battle that is going on in front of me. It's difficult to do. Just holding up my head for a couple of seconds is draining my energy fast. My heart is pounding in anxiety for Raven. So far she's doing a great job fighting off the number of henchmen that keep shooting at her. I've got to help her somehow. I can't let her die on my account. But how? I have little, to no strength left in me. I have to try. I'll do anything and everything for her. First I have to get out of these chains. Somehow.

I grit my teeth forcing my attention away from the battle. I struggle to get my non injured wrist out of the cuff. Not good. There's only one thing I can do. Pulling as hard and fast as I can, I manage to get my hand out of the cuff, scraping open my wrist. It begins to throb, the blood running down my arm. I don't let that stop me. I'm almost free. Now all I have to do is-.

Out of nowhere a green starbolt hits the chain holding me up by my broken wrist. I hit the ground with a thud. A starbolt. Does that mean...

"Titans Go!" Robin yells.

I watch in amazement. Starfire and Robin immediately begin fighting all the henchmen that Raven has been struggling with on her own. I can't believe they actually came for me. On the other hand, maybe they're just here to save Raven. It wouldn't surprise me. Cyborg runs in my direction. Immediately he breaks the chains that are around my wrists and the silver chains that are wrapped around my chest.

"T-thanks," I stutter. I still can't believe he's here.

Cyborg's face is so pale it's almost white. He's staring horrified at the injuries that cover my body. Carefully he helps me to my feet, holding onto my arm to keep me standing. "C'mon. Let's get you out of here."

My knees buckle. I can feel the energy drain out of me fast. I glance wearily at the half robot. "I can't transform. If I do, it will kill me."

"My car's parked outside. I'm going to take you to the hospital."

Cyborg's positive words come as a complete shock. Isn't this the same person who hated my guts? Why is he actually trying to save me? I don't understand. It doesn't matter. At this point all I care about is Raven making it out of here alive.

I look over at the half demon. Now that the rest of the Titans have showed up, there is less of Slade's henchmen to fight. Slade is no longer in sight either. Raven is on the ground, blocking attacks and shooting objects at her enemies. I wish I was just as strong as she is. I'm not. I'm weak and always will be.

The next few minutes are like a flash in my eyes. I watch in horror as one of the henchmen blasts the large bookcase behind Raven. Immediately the bookcase starts to shake. It's going to fall any second. I push away from Cyborg, running as fast as I can towards the girl I love. The adrenaline that I'm feeling masks the aches and pains. I have to make it to her in time.

"BB come back!" Cyborg shouts. I ignore him.

Right before I reach her I turn into the first animal that comes to mind. Then everything becomes black.

**Raven**

Now that the other Titans have shown up to help me, the battle against Slade's henchmen is much easier. Starfire has been helping me take out henchmen while Robin ran after Slade. I haven't seen Cyborg yet. Did he even bother showing up at all?

I struggle to keep on attacking my enemy. My emotions are stretched to the limit. If this battle doesn't end soon I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I just hope with all my heart that Beast Boy is okay. I stop attacking when I hear a low growl fill the nearly empty basement.

Without warning I feel a furry arm grab me firmly around the waist. I don't have time to protest. The creature moves me quickly to the other side of the room. Then he lets go.

**CRASH!**

I whirl around. The bookcase I was fighting in front of is on the ground, the books spilled all over the place. Then I see who grabbed me.

I find myself staring into the eyes of a large green Beast. The Beast-Beast Boy saved me. The large animal is breathing heavily. I watch the creature shrink down in size and back into the green changeling. He stares at me almost blankly, panting. Beast Boy's strength runs completely out. His knees give out and he starts to collapse.

"**BEAST BOY!**" I barely manage to grab him before he hits the ground. I sink to the floor, cradling the teen in my arms. I don't need to use my powers to know how close to death he is. That last transformation is taking its toll on him. "W-why did you do that?!" I practically sob. I forget all about the battle. It doesn't matter anymore. He is the only one that matters. "I-I'm supposed to be saving you!"

I close my eyes, placing my hands on his severely burned chest. I force myself to concentrate. I have to heal him now before it's too late. Beast Boy struggles to breathe. I don't feel anything. My powers aren't working. _Why_ aren't they working?!

"Rae..."

Beast Boy's green face is so pale it's almost like lime green chalk. The multitude of bruises and blood that is on his face is standing out considerably. His eyes are barely open. "D-don't worry, Beast Boy," I choke out. "Y-you're going to be all right," I struggle to convince him as well as myself.

"No Rae. My end is near."

Tears start falling down my face rapidly. I can't help it. "Don't say that!"

He manages the strength to reach up and wipe the tears off my face. His green hand rests on my cheek. "Don't cry, Raven, please. I...I'll be all right. I promise." I hug him tightly, careful not to harm him more. "Tell the others that I'm sorry for everything I've done. Tell them...tell them that I'm sorry I wasn't the teammate they deserved." Beast Boy manages above a whisper. A tear of his own falls down his cheek. "Thanks for believing in me...for loving me."

"I-I'll always love you, Beast Boy," I choke out.

He gives me one last toothy smile. "I love you too." His green eyes fall shut.

"No, please," I whisper. I place my lips on his. I feel all my emotions and love pour into him. _Oh Azar, please _ I pray silently. _Give me the strength to save him. _

As if by magic I feel my hands grow blue. Though the tears continue to fall I force myself to concentrate. First I start healing the vicious burns on Beast Boy's chest. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" Already I can feel that he's getting better. I think I might have just pulled him out of the clutches of Death. He's still very weak, but maybe if I continue healing him, he'll have a fighting chance. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

"Raven," Starfire's timid voice interrupts my concentration. "Cyborg called the rescue people from the hospital. They will be here soon to provide assistance."

The hospital. Yes she's right. There's only so much healing I can do before I collapse myself. I'm going to need more help. I already feel light headed from the healing I've done so far, not to mention from the battle. And since Rage destroyed the medical ward at the tower, the hospital is the next best option. I hope with all my heart that I've healed him enough where he'll survive the journey. Without acknowledging Starfire, I turn into my Raven form, carrying Beast Boy with me to the Jump City hospital.

**To be continued...**


	8. Part VIII

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry about the delay. I lost my confidence when I didn't receive much feedback for the previous chapter. I'm sorry you guys didn't like it. I hope you like this chapter better. Today I will be going on vacation, so you won't be seeing an update from me until the beginning of next month. Take care and please let me know what you guys think. ~Ellivia22~

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. I own Dr. Haevert (who is named after one of my good friends from high school). And Nurse Robynn is named after my current best friend.

**I'll Be**

** Part VIII**

** Raven**

My journey back to Jump City feels like days, when in reality it only takes me a couple of minutes to make it to the hospital. It's a good thing it's a short trip. From the battle with Slade and his henchmen and trying to save Beast Boy I'm physically and mentally exhausted.

I return to my physical form right as I reach inside the hospital. I fall to my knees in front of a gray desk, my hood falling back. I cradle Beast Boy safely in my arms. His green skin is still really pale. I can feel his life slipping away from me. He needs help _now_. My sudden appearance startles the young dark haired receptionist behind the desk. She gets up suddenly, knocking her chair to the floor. "It's the Teen Titans!"

I don't take my eyes off the unconscious teen in my arms. "Help him," I struggle to say in my monotone. "Please!"

The receptionist hits a button on her desk. "Code blue! Code blue! In the lobby!"

The next thing I know Beast Boy is being pulled out of my arms and placed on a white stretcher. I long to go with them as they wheel him through the large white doors, but find that I don't have the energy.

I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. I look up to see a young nurse kneeling in front of me. She has long reddish brown hair and wearing green scrubs. She looks to be in her mid twenties. Robynn is the name on her uniform. "Are you all right?" she asks kindly. "Should I get a doctor for you too?"

I shake my head. I don't need a doctor. I can heal myself if I need to. No. What I need right now is to meditate. Silently I fly to the middle of the waiting room. I pull up my hood, crossing my legs. I float up and down. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!"

It's hard to stay focused. When I close my eyes all I can see is Beast Boy badly beaten and bruised. I can see the burns on his chest, and the pale color of his skin. It's a sight that I will never forget for as long as I live. My emotions are a complete mess. The one emotion that is hardest to control is Fear. The dark gray emotion has been fretting nonstop since I found Beast Boy in the basement.

_'Oh Azar! We were too late! B-Beast Boy is dying and it's all our fault!'_

**'He is in good hands**_**' **_Reassurance says in my head. **'He'll be all right**_**.'**_

_** Besides it wasn't our fault! **_Rage booms loudly. _**The blame is on our former friends. If Beast Boy dies I will not rest until the others pay for his suffering.**_

_Violence will not solve anything_ Knowledge says sternly.

_**Maybe not. But it will definitely make me feel better.**_

_W-what are we going to do if he doesn't make it?_ Timid whispers.

"I don't know," I answer honestly. "Let's just hope that the outcome of this mess doesn't reach that point."

"F-friend Raven?" a timid voice snaps me out of my intense meditation. "How is Beast Boy?"

I open my eyes to see Starfire standing in front of me. She looks like a total mess. Her hair is disheveled and tears are running rapidly down her face. Her body is trembling. I glare at her. She is the last person I want to see right now. In fact I don't want to see any of the Titans. I know I shouldn't, but I blame them all for what happened to Beast Boy. If they had just listened to me the first time, none of this would've happened. "Oh, so now you care?!"

The alien flinches, backing up a couple of steps. She lowers her head. I am surprised that she's brave enough to approach me after Rage's appearance. "I-I know that I was wrong. I am sorry that I did not listen to you. Please forgive me, Friend. I wish to help."

Objects start levitating in the air as my emotions become unstable. I'm getting angry and I don't care. "You HAD the chance to help! If you had just listened to me the first time; if you actually gave a damn about Beast Boy, none of this would've happened. If he doesn't survive I will NEVER forgive you!"

Star lets out an anguished sob. Any normal circumstances I would feel guilty for making her cry, but not this time. Silently she hands me a folded piece of paper. Then she flies to the other side of the waiting room.

For a while all I can do is stare at the folded piece of paper in my hands. What did Starfire give me? Should I even bother opening it? The wait for news on Beast Boy seems to be taking forever. If anything, reading the piece of paper would give me something to do. My hands shaking I open the piece of paper. Immediately I realize it's a letter from Beast Boy. The letter he had in my pile before he almost committed suicide.

_Dearest Raven,_

_ There is so much I want you to know-so much that I need to tell you. Things that I've never been brave enough to say to you in person. I hope that after you read this you will understand why I have decided to end my life. _

_ Raven, I owe you an apology. In fact I owe you lots of apologies. I'm sorry for all the times I annoyed you with my terrible jokes. I'm sorry for all the times I hurt you-especially when I called you creepy. I didn't mean it. You aren't creepy. You are the most beautiful, bravest, honest girl I know. I wish that I had a chance to tell you all this before. But now it's too late. _

_ The reason I have chosen to end my life is so that I can protect you from the Beast inside me. I don't have any memory of what happened that night. All I know is that I'd rather be dead than give the Beast another opportunity to hurt you again. You are the most important person to me and I want to keep you safe. _

_ The truth is, I love you, Raven. I love you more than anything in the world. When I saw you smile for the first time it gave me such a warm feeling on the inside. So I made it my mission to make you smile again. The only mission in my life that was worth living for. It has taken me a long time, but I finally realized that instead of making you happy, all if I been doing is annoying you. And for that I'm so sorry with all my heart. _

_ Please don't blame yourself for my death. You did not cause this. I want you to live a long, meaningful life. You deserve it. If you ever feel down, just remember that I'm watching over you. I love you. Always. _

_ Love,_

_ Garfield Logan_

_ 'Beast Boy'_

I fold the letter and hold it close to my chest. My heart is pounding hard against my chest, a tear running down my cheek. It takes everything in me to hold back the sobs. I realize what would have happened if I didn't come check on Beast Boy. I would've heard the gunshot. I would've found his blood soaked body. It would've been too late to save him. I thank Azar that I came in time. None of this will matter if he succumbs to his injuries.

A sob escapes my throat. Oh how I wish I was there to protect him instead of talking to Robin. I could've done a better job preventing Slade from taking Beast Boy. He'd be okay and we'd be together. If Beast Boy doesn't pull through I don't think I could stay in Jump City. Or Earth. Maybe it would be better if I went back to-.

"Excuse me. I have some news about your teammate."

I float down to the ground. Standing in front of me is a young doctor. He looks to me in his late twenties with spiky brown hair with bleach on the tips. I lower my hood. "H-how is he," I barely manage to utter.

The doctor's expression is trying to be professional, but I can see the worry lines in his forehead and feel his uncertain emotions. "His condition is critical, but stable for the moment. However, I am very concerned about the amount of injuries that he had suffered-particularly the second and third degree burns on his chest and back. Also, his heart is very weak."

I'm afraid to ask this question, but I know I have to. "What are his chances?"

"It's hard to say. Honestly, not very good. We're keeping him in intensive care until if and when his condition improves."

"Can I see him?" I ask in my usual monotone, yet with an edge of firmness to it.

"Yes." The doctor looks off to the side. "But his condition is so severe I can only allow one person at a time."

I figure it is Starfire that he is looking at. I don't acknowledge her. Instead I follow the doctor through the large double doors. The walk down the long, white hallway seems to take forever. He takes me through another set of double doors, then stops in front of room 110. "My name is Dr. Haevert. If you need help, just hit the red button on the remote by his bed."

"Thank you."

The room I have been taken to is very small. So small that the machines surrounding the bed barely fit. Steady beeping emit from the machines, setting my nerves on edge. My eyes are transfixed on the motionless teen in the bed. I close my eyes, hoping that all of this is nothing but a terrible nightmare. When I open them again, Beast Boy is still lying there. For a while all I can do is stare at him.

"Hey Garfield," I whisper, placing my hand on his forehead. It's the only part of his green face that isn't injured. Just seeing him like this makes me sick to my stomach. I want to heal him some more, but my energy is still running low. I'll be able to heal him once I get some sleep. "I'm here. I promise I'll never leave your side again."

I pull up a chair beside him. I grip onto his hand gently. Now that we are alone and no longer in danger I can properly assess his wounds. Beast Boy's face is so pale that all the bruises and gashes he had received from Slade stand out considerably. Fresh bandages wrap around his chest under his patient gown to treat the burns. I also notice that his right wrist is in a white cast. Tears trickle down my face seeing him in such bad shape.

"Beast Boy, I'm so sorry," I whisper, stroking his hair with my free hand. "I'm sorry that I couldn't stop Slade from taking you; sorry that it took me so long to get to you. I never want anything bad to happen to you. Ever."

_I know that you only pretended to love me so that I wouldn't kill myself_

I can't stop thinking about the look of betrayal in Beast Boy's eyes when I found him in the basement. I knew that Slade had tortured him physically, but I had no idea he hurt him mentally too. Though I shouldn't be surprised. Slade is the most ruthless villain we've ever faced.

I feel Affection becoming dominant in me. The love is strong and all I want to do is show it. Why of all times is it when Beast Boy is in the hospital fighting for his life? If he is going to die, I don't want him leaving without him knowing how wrong Slade was; that I love Beast Boy with all of my heart.

"I don't know what Slade had told you, but I promise you it isn't true. I _do_ love you-more than anything. I've loved you since you comforted me about Malchior. I'm sorry that I never showed it before. You make me so happy just by being you. That's why I meditate so often. It's the only way I can truly appreciate your sense of humor and cheerful spirit without my emotions going out of control."

I feel sleep take over me. My energy is well spent. I refuse to leave the room. I will never leave Beast Boy again. Carefully I lie right next to him on the bed, my arm across his stomach. My head lays on his shoulder. I don't care if anyone sees me like this. All that matters is that I remain close to him.

"Good night, Beast Boy," I whisper drowsily. "I hope I will see you when I wake. I love you. Always."

I snuggle into him, partly to keep his body warm. I fall asleep, listening to the faint beating of his heart.

**To be continued...**


	9. Part IX

A/N: Hey guys! I'm back! Hope you all are well and thank you guys SO much for your reviews. Sorry if my last A/N seemed whiny. I was suffering from writers anxiety when I didn't get much feedback for part VII. I wasn't sure you guys liked my story anymore. I'm SO happy you still do :) Anyway I'm back from vacation and I've got GREAT news for you guys! While I was on vacation I was able to complete not one, not two, but THREE chapters of this story. So expect a weekly update the next few weeks. If I get a lot of feedback though I might post the next one sooner, so keep that in mind :). Take care and enjoy part IX. Love, Ellivia22

A/N: To the guest who reviewed me, yes I still plan to write my story "Best Day Ever". I sometimes write two stories at a time, but right now my sole focus is on "I'll Be". But don't worry, I haven't forgotten about that story :)

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans I would know what Mas Y Menos is saying all the time. I'm terrible at Spanish lol

**I'll Be**

** Part IX**

** Starfire**

I observe sadly as Raven follows the doctor out of the waiting room. I wish that I can go too, but Raven deserves to see Beast Boy more than I. He is the one she loves. And I-I have let my friends down in so many ways. Slowly I sit down in a nearby chair. I cannot stop thinking about the angry words Raven said to me earlier. She has every right to be angry with me. I have not been a very good friend to her or Beast Boy.

When I close my eyes all I can see is the horrible events that have occurred today. I know that I will never forget what had happened for as long as I live.

_Robin, Cyborg, and I did not waste any time following Raven. It was not difficult to discover where Raven was headed thanks to the coordinates on the communicator. I flew as fast as I could. I could not stop. I had to arrive in time to save Friend Beast Boy. If I did not, I would not be able to forgive myself. Already I was upset at myself for not listening to Raven the first time. _

_ The location on the communicator led the three of us to a run down mansion. There was not another building close by. When we arrived we went straight in the surprisingly empty building to the basement. I let out a gasp of horror because of the terrible sight before my eyes. _

_ Raven was in the middle of the basement, doing the best she could to fight off Slade's henchmen despite being outnumbered. Chained against the wall behind her was our green teammate. He was severely bloody and bruised. I watched as he struggled to free himself from the chain holding him up in the air. I could not stand the sight any longer. My eyes glowed green and I shot a starbolt at the chain. The chain broke instantly, sending Beast Boy to the ground with a thud. I wanted to approach him to provide further assistance, but Cyborg beat me to it. _

_ "I wouldn't have done that if I was you," Slade said coldly from beside me. He aimed a punch for my head. I ducked and rose high up in the air. I could feel the starbolts in my hands. I was ready to fight for my friends, no matter what. _

_ "Well you are not me and you are going to release my friends. NOW!"_

_ Slade let out a cold laugh. He pulled out a weapon to use to attack me, but Robin collided into the villain before he could reach me. Since Robin was battling Slade and Cyborg was taking care of Beast Boy I decided to help Raven fight the increasing number of henchmen. She was standing in front of a large bookcase twice the size of her and fulled with heavy looking books. She was shooting aura with one hand, the other hand holding a shield of black aura to protect herself. _

_ Feeling my alien power inside me I shot as many starbolts as I could at the henchmen surrounding my teammate. One by one, they began to fall to the ground. The battle was almost over. All we had to do was get Beast Boy out of here safely and everything would be all right. I noticed the bookcase that Raven was standing behind starting to wobble. It was going to fall any second. _

_ Before I could warn Raven, a low growl filled the room. It sounded like a wild animal being let on the loose. Oh no! It was the Beast. We were all in danger. Perhaps I should stop him before he tried to attack Raven again. Before I could do anything, the green beast ran forward fast, grabbing Raven around the waist. Then he ran to the other side of the room-pulling her away from danger. The bookcase hit the ground. _

**_CRASH!_**

_I felt my heart racing. The Beast did not come out to harm Raven. He saved her. I immediately felt a great amount of guilt. Raven was right the entire time. The Beast was not dangerous. The antidote did cure Beast Boy. _

_ "BEAST BOY!"_

_ The green Titan was back in his human form and on the verge of collapse. I watched in slow motion as he fell. Luckily Raven caught him just in time. He needed medical assistance at once. Since there were no more henchmen to fight I hurried over to Cyborg. The half robot was still standing by the wall where Beast Boy was chained against. Cyborg was staring at the sad scene in front of us in horror. _

_ "We must help Beast Boy," I told him urgently. "But how can we do this? The medical room is destroyed."_

_ "I already called the hospital," Cyborg informed me. His tone was higher than usual. I noticed that his dark face was unnaturally pale. "They should be here in fifteen minutes." Then without another word he ran off. I assume he went to assist Robin in fighting Slade. Where Robin and Slade were I did not know. _

_ I had to inform Raven that help was on the way. I was so afraid to approach her. She must still be so angry with me. I must be brave. Raven must know that there was help coming. Hope was still possible. Carefully I approached her. Tears were streaming down her face and her hands were blue. She was trying desperately to heal Beast Boy. I forced myself to not look at our injured teammate. If I do I knew that I would break out in tears. _

_ "Raven," I said timidly. "Cyborg called the rescue people from the hospital. They will be here soon to provide assistance."_

_ Raven did not look at me, nor did she respond. The next thing I knew she teleported out of the basement, taking Beast Boy with her. _

_I sighed sadly. She was still very angry with me. Not that I blamed her. I was wrong about everything. I had treated Beast Boy wrong and did not listen to Raven when I should have. I had to make it up to her somehow. Most importantly I had to make it up to Beast Boy if he pulled through. _

I cover my face with my hands. They become soaked immediately in my tears. I have been so foolish. Raven will never forgive me, nor will Beast Boy. I do not deserve to be forgiven. I am...I am a clorbag. While I continue to sob I silently pray that Beast Boy will live.

* * *

When I am finally able to compose myself a great amount of time has passed. At least a couple of hours. The room is quiet. I am alone. Where is Raven? Is she still with Beast Boy? I was hoping that she would be out here so that I can take my turn. She must still be with him. I sigh sadly. I may not be able to visit Beast Boy after all.

No! I have to see him-even if it is against the rules. It may be my only chance to do so. Not even the anger of Raven is going to stop me this time. I must apologize to him, even if he is not awake to hear it. Swiftly I leave my chair and approach the large rectangular desk. The woman behind the desk is typing away at her computer, her black hair falling on her shoulder.

"Excuse me, please," I say softly. "I am sorry to disturb you."

The girl looks up from her work. She looks to be only a couple of years older than I. "What can I do for you," she asks kindly.

"I wish to visit my teammate. Will you please permit me to see him."

"I'm sorry. Your friend is still with him right now. I can't let you enter until she comes back."

"Please Leah," I say, taking note of the name on her blue buttoned shirt. "My friend is dying. If I do not apologize to him now, I will regret it for the rest of my life. I promise I will not take long."

The receptionist lets out a stressed sigh. I know that she wants to help me but is afraid of the consequences. As much as I do not wish to get her in trouble I give her a pleading look. "All right," she says reluctantly a few minutes later. "I'll have one of my nurses take you to the room. But five minutes _only_. Robynn?"

A pretty woman a couple of years older than I approaches me. She is wearing a light green hospital outfit. "Yes Leah?"

"Would you please take her to room 110. It will only be for five minutes."

The nurse hesitates for a moment, then smiles. "Sure I can take her." She motions me to follow her. "This way."

"Thank you," I say quietly.

"I have been so foolish," I whisper to no one in particular as we walk down the long hallway. "A bad friend. What if I am too late?"

"Don't lose hope," the nurse says from beside me. "I read over Beast Boy's chart. His condition is stable. That's a good sign."

Her words give me slight reassurance, but not enough to ease the guilt that I feel on the inside. "Even if he does recover I know that he will never forgive me. Neither will Raven. I do not deserve to be forgiven. I have hurt him so much and he did not deserve it."

Robynn puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Everyone deserves to be forgiven. Just show him how sorry you are and that you want to make up for what you have done and he will forgive you in time."

"You think so?" I ask uncertainly.

"Yes." She stops in front of room 110. "You have five minutes."

I thank her quietly then enter the room. The lights are off and the room is silent except for the constant beeping of the machines surrounding the bed. I feel my heart melt because of the sight in front of me.

Raven is curled up on the bed nearly on top of Beast Boy. an arm draped across his stomach protectively. Beast Boy is lying motionless on the bed, but I notice that he is not as pale as he was when I saw him earlier. I feel sick to my stomach seeing all the injuries that he had received while he was with Slade. It is a lot worse than I thought. A horrible thought hits me. What if Robynn is wrong? What if his injuries are too much and he passes on? Whatever will I do?

I notice a thin white blanket folded at the edge of the bed. Silently I grab the blanket and place it over my friends. "I am so sorry, friends," I whisper sadly. "For everything."

With one last sad look at my friends I leave the room. It would be best if I make myself comfortable at the hospital. I am determined to not leave the hospital until Beast Boy is well again.

* * *

When I enter the waiting area a few minutes later I realize that it is no longer empty. Cyborg is sitting in one of the chairs closest to the door. His head is in his hands. When I get closer I can hear muffled sounds. Is he crying?

"Friend Cyborg?"

The half robot jumps to his feet when he sees me. I notice that his human eye is bloodshot. "Star! How is he?! Is he alive?!"

"Yes, but I fear he may die soon."

Cyborg shakes his head. "No you're wrong," he says in complete denial. "BB will pull through. He's strong." His confidence fades fast as he sees the anguished look on my face. "Oh man," he says sadly, dropping back in his chair. "This is all my fault. I hurt him so bad. If I hadn't...if I had treated BB like he deserved to be treated, we wouldn't be here."

I sit in the chair beside him. "It is not just you, Cyborg. I have been a bad friend as well. All this time I thought he was dangerous-that the Beast was dangerous. I was wrong. Raven was right all along. Why did I not listen to her before? I should have trusted my own instincts instead of just listening to Robin." I pause, thinking about my previous statement. Now that I think about it Robin has not arrived yet. Why? Is he still fighting Slade? "Were you able to capture Slade?" I ask.

Cyborg shakes his head. "He ran off once Robin and I cornered him. We'll have to keep a close eye on BB if Slade comes after him again. I wonder why Slade took BB in the first place."

I wonder that myself, but that is not nearly as important as the question I am thinking at this time. "But I do not understand. If Slade is on the loose then why is Robin not here with us?"

"I tried to get him to come with me to the hospital, but he said he had more important things to do. So he went back to the tower."

"WHAT?!" I sit up straight in my chair. "What could possibly be more important than being there for our friend?!"

Cyborg shrugs. "To look for Slade. You know how Robin is."

I stand up quickly. Anger is running fast through my veins. How can Robin be looking for Slade when his friend is dying in the hospital? How can he be so...cold. This is not right. I have to make him see reason. Immediately. I begin flying towards the exit.

Cyborg stands up in alarm. "Star, where are you going?"

I turn to face him, my eyes glowing green. "I am going to talk to Robin and I will not return until he finally sees reason!"

* * *

I enter the tower quickly. It does not take me long to locate Robin. He is sitting behind the large computer screen typing away quickly on the large keyboard. Normally the sight of him makes me feel warm on the inside, but not this time. Instead I am angry that he is here instead of at the hospital supporting our friend. "ROBIN!" I yell angrily. I throw a starbolt at his keyboard to get his attention. It crackles then the lights on the keyboard shut off.

Robin turns to look at me. He shrinks slightly from seeing me so angry. He stands up unsteadily. "Calm down, Star. I know that you are mad, but I promise you it's not what you think!"

I refuse to listen to what he has to say. After everything that has happened so far I am done listening to him. From now on I am going to trust my own instincts. "You coward! You clorbag! You-you...HOW DARE YOU!"

"Star, I know that it looks bad that I'm not with you guys at the hospital, but I swear I have a very good reason. I'm keeping an eye on Slade just in case he plans to strike again."

"But what about Beast Boy?" I ask as calmly as I can manage. "We can protect him more efficiently if you were at the hospital with us. If anything, you should be with us to say goodbye. I do not believe he is going to survive the night."

"Good," Robin mutters under his breath. "That's one less problem that I have to deal with."

I stare at him in shock. His voice is so cold, so uncaring. How did I not notice the disdain he's held for Beast Boy until now? Has he always felt this way about our green teammate? Why did I not notice? "How can you say such a thing?!" I demand shrilly. "What has Beast Boy done to cause you to hate him? The Beast is not as dangerous as you have been saying it is. I saw it with my own eyes. It rescued Raven from harm during the battle. Raven was being truthful the entire time."

Robin does not answer me immediately. His cold expression does not change. "I don't give a damn about the Beast. I knew it wasn't dangerous after his battle with Adonis. That's not the reason why I'm not at the hospital right now. That is not the reason why I hate Beast Boy. It's because he is the most annoying, immature, pathetic excuse of a superhero that I have ever met. If he wasn't on the team in the first place we would've caught Slade a long time ago. He's a worthless addition to the team, Starfire, and you know it."

It is as if Robin physically assaulted me. I never thought that the person I care about the most-the boy that I secretly love could be capable of so much hate. And for the most petty of reasons. Only now do I realize that I do not know Robin as well as I thought I did. "Yes, I admit Beast Boy can be immature and annoying at times. But he is not pathetic. _You_ are pathetic for hating Beast Boy just because he is not perfect. He has done nothing to you to deserve the horrible way you have been treating him. I am going to the hospital now to support my friend and makes amends for how badly I have been treating him. If you do not do the same, then I shall never speak to you again!"

I storm past the kitchen and enter the waiting elevator. Before the doors can close I feel Robin grasp my hand. The simple touch sends chills up and down my spine in any normal circumstances. Now all I feel is nothing but disgust and anger. "Please Starfire, don't leave me. I love you and want to be with you. Always."

I stare at him longingly. Oh how I have longed to hear him say such sweet words, but now that I have seen him for the man he really is I want nothing to do with him. I do not respond. I just stare at him coldly as the elevator doors shut tightly. I am now even more angry at Robin. How can he be capable of love when there is so much hate in his heart? If Robin does not make amends I vow to never speak to him again.

**To be continued...**


	10. Part X

A/N: Hey guys! Thank you SO much for your wonderful reviews. I appreciate it so much. As a reward for your feedback I decided to put up the next chapter sooner. I struggled a lot with this chapter when I was writing it while on vacation. I'm still unsure about it, but like it. Let me know what you think. I hope you like it. Take care. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans we would see more of Beast Boy's serious side. Call me crazy, but I almost like his serious side better than his joking side. Probably because I like serious situations lol

**I'll Be**

** Part X**

** Robin**

I stand frozen in the common room, staring transfixed at the closed elevator doors. Starfire's words keep repeating in my head. I can't believe that she would be willing to close the door on our friendship, especially when I know in my heart that it could be something more. I love her and I know that she loves me. I don't understand why she would choose Beast Boy's health over our love. He is worth nothing and our love could be something amazing.

I trudge through the tower, feeling utterly alone. Cyborg is not here to play game station with me; Raven isn't here to read her books in the common room and give me practical advice. And Starfire isn't here to give me the love I desperately need. All because they are at the hospital supporting that little irritant. I should've kicked him off the team a long time ago.

I find myself standing in front of Beast Boy's door. I scowl. Of course my wanderings would bring me back here. It seems like no matter what I do I can't escape that _pest_. I open his door. It has been a while since I've been in here. Seeing his room so clean and tidy is a complete shock. I see a pile of bullets in the middle of the floor close to his bed. So he really did try to kill himself. I thought Raven was just making it up so I'd feel sorry for Beast Boy. I guess she was telling the truth after all. Even if she was telling the truth about everything, it's not going to make me hate Beast Boy any less. It's his fault the entire team is falling apart.

I let out a sigh, sinking to the ground. A pile of fitness magazines is right next to me. On top is a letter addressed to me. I grab it, opening it up. Then I begin to read.

_Dear Robin, _

_ I don't know if you will read this, but if you do there are some things you need to know. By now I'm sure you guys have already found my body. I'm sorry that it has taken me this long to do what I should've done years ago. _

_ I know what you think of me. I know you think I'm stupid, worthless, and too immature to be on your team. I admit, I do act stupid and immature a lot, but it's not because I am those things. It's because I've never trusted you or any of the other Titans enough to show you who I really am. Especially after everything that has happened this past week. You guys know nothing about me, nor did you take any time to learn anything about my past. _

_ If I had trusted you enough, I would've told you how I lost my parents in a boating accident at age five and how I blame myself EVERY DAY for not being able to save them. I would've told you that I was kidnapped by two low life criminals and forced to use my powers to commit crimes. I got beaten severely when I would refuse them. I would've told you about my guardian, Nicholas Galtry. He only pretended to care about me to get the inheritance my parents left me. He tried to have me murdered twice so he could receive it before I turn eighteen. Throughout my life I've been too terrified to trust anyone in fear of being hurt. All the pain and regret I've been carrying all my life I keep hidden behind a goofy mask. You've never taken the time to to see behind the mask and see who I really am: just a broken boy who longs to be accepted. I know you will never take the time to know me because of how much you hate me. _

_ Robin, in all honesty, I'm not mad at you. I know that you are trying to be a good team leader and I know you won't succeed with someone as worthless as I am on your team. I tried my hardest to be strong and powerful like the others, but I've failed. I've disappointed you. So I'm going to spare you any further burden and end it now. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused. I hope you succeed in whatever you do. _

_ Your Friend,_

_ Beast Boy_

_ P.S. I hope you and Starfire have a bright future together. _

I read the letter three times. If it weren't for Beast Boy's messy handwriting, I'd believe that this letter was written by someone else. I've always wondered about his past, but never bothered finding out about it. I always figured it was happy, go lucky, just like his attitude always was before he got infected by the chemicals at the lab. However it's a great surprise to learn that he's childhood was as traumatic as mine-even more so. At least I had Batman for a while. Beast Boy had no one to rely on. Reading this letter makes me feel a connection with him I've never had before. I also lost my parents at a young age due to a tragic accident.

I feel the anger and the hate that I've been holding towards my green teammate fade slightly. _How did he do __it_? I can't help but wonder. How did he always act so upbeat and happy despite the past that he had? A part of me wonders why I am even dwelling on this. It shouldn't matter. I hate Beast Boy and want him gone so that the team will be better. And yet...reading this letter makes me wonder if I've been unfair. Perhaps I have been a little hard on him. It seems there's another side of Beast Boy that I'm not aware of. Perhaps he's not nearly as stupid and immature as I thought.

While I'm reflecting on this, I notice a photograph in one of the piles close by. I pick it up. It's a photo I've seen before. The photo contained a tall man with blonde hair, a woman with long brown hair, and a young boy. He also had blonde hair and green eyes and has to be no older than four years old. The boy doesn't look like the Beast Boy I know, but I recognize the features in his face. It is definitely him. It must've been before he gained his powers. I flip the picture over. _Mark and Marie Logan with son Garfield. _Underneath is Beast Boy's handwriting. _I lost two angels on _ _August 21, 1995. Rest in peace, Mom and Dad. I love you._ Seeing this picture I suddenly remember an incident a couple of months before the incident of the Beast. A moment where I did see a different side to the Tower comedian.

_It was a typical day at Titan's tower. It was raining heavily and storming so much that I had decided to have our usual training session in the gym. I figured this would be a good day to exercise, stay in shape, and fit so we could be ready for any threat that was to come to Jump City. Starfire, Cyborg, and Raven were in the training room, doing the normal stretch routines to prepare for the different training equipment I had ready for them. The green changeling was nowhere in sight. _

_ "Where in the hell is Beast Boy?!" I demanded, pacing back in forth. "He's late."_

_ "Probably sleeping in," Cyborg said casually. "You know that BB isn't much of a morning person."_

_ I sighed in frustration. Why was Beast Boy being so irresponsible?! He usually was never late-at least not fifteen minutes late. It looked like I was going to have to give him a stern lecture about staying up too late playing video games instead of going to bed early and getting a good night's sleep. _

_ "I'll go get him," I grumbled. _

_ I stormed out of the gym and walked down the hall toward Beast Boy's room. This better not be a habit, otherwise I'd be forced to remove him from the team. When I arrive outside his door I heard what sounded like muffled crying. I placed my ear against the door. Yep it definitely was quiet sobs. Why was Beast Boy crying?_

_ I knocked sharply on the door. "Beast Boy!"_

_ The crying stopped abruptly. A few seconds later, the door opened. Beast Boy looked nothing like the happy, cheerful, joking Titan that I knew. Instead his eyes were puffy and red. His cheeks shone with tears and there was no happy spark in his eyes. Instead his green eyes were dull. I noticed he was clutching onto a worn photograph. _

_ I struggled to say something. I wanted to ask Beast Boy what was wrong, but I couldn't find the words. Besides, I had to remain professional. There was no time to waste when potential villains were on the loose. "Beast Boy, you're late for training," I told him sternly. "Let's go."_

_ The changeling didn't look at me. Instead he looked sadly at the photograph in his gloved hands. I looked at it briefly. It was a picture of two adults and a young child with blonde hair. I wondered who those people were. "I-I'm sorry, Robin," he said in a choked voice. "I-I'll be right there."_

_ I felt myself soften slightly. It became apparent to me that Beast Boy was in no condition to train today. "You know what," I said in a much gentler voice. "It looks like you could use the day off. Just for today though."_

_ Beast Boy forced a smile of appreciation. It looked like it took a lot of effort. "Thanks Robin," he said quietly. _

_ The curiosity got the better of me. "Who's in the photograph?" I asked. _

_ He looked down at the photograph, then back at me. "People I used to know a long time ago." _

_ More tears leaked from his eyes. I couldn't stop staring at him. I had never seen him this sad before. He looked like his world had ended-just like when Terra betrayed him. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked. Beast Boy shook his head. "Very well. Get your rest."_

_ Without another word, Beast Boy closed his door. I stood outside his door for a few minutes. It didn't take long for me to hear the sobs again from the other side. A part of me was confused on why he wouldn't tell me what was going on. I thought he trusted me. I put the situation out of my mind. I had more important things to think about-such as Slade's next movements. _

I continue staring at the photograph. I hadn't thought of that memory again until just now. It never made sense to me until now. He must've been mourning his parents. If he was so good at holding back his emotions behind his goofy mask, why didn't he do so and just come to practice? This memory doesn't prove his other side. It just proves that Beast Boy is weak. It's because of his weakness and immaturity that we fail at missions. We'd be better off without him.

_And yet why did Slade want him in the first place if he was so weak? _A voice whispers in my head.

That one thought reminds me remember of the conversation I had with Slade while I was battling him in the run down mansion.

"_Why did you take Beast Boy?" I demanded. I finally had him alone. The masked villain was attempting to escape the run down mansion. I managed to catch him close to the door leading to the outside."What do you want with him?!"_

_ Slade swung his bo staff toward my head. I ducked. "Well I figured since you guys didn't want him, I'd gladly take him off your hands. He'll make a fine apprentice. In fact, he'll be a much better apprentice than you ever were. " _

_ I was fuming. Slade was just trying to bait me. He still wanted me as his apprentice and chose Beast Boy to lure me into his trap. "Your trick won't work, Slade. I will never go back to working for you! You can keep Beast Boy for all I care!"_

_ Slade chuckled lightly. "Jealous, Robin?" he taunted. "Your hate has made you so blind, you never saw the strength and loyalty that Beast Boy possess. And your loss will be my gain."_

_I saw Cyborg approach me from out of the corner of my eye, his cannon pointed at the masked villain that I detested so much. Now that I had back up, I pulled out my many discs, ready to throw them at Slade. _

_ "Until next time." Then before we could move, Slade threw an object on the ground, surrounding us with thick grey smoke. Once it cleared I realized that he had disappeared. _

_I sighed, putting my discs away. There was no time to waste. I had to get back to the tower and track Slade's movements. We had to be ready to attack when he decided to strike again. All four of us. _

_ Cyborg came up from beside me. "I called an ambulance to take Beast Boy to the hospital in Jump City. Let's go."_

_ I didn't look at my metal teammate. "You go ahead. I've got to track Slade's next movements before he strikes again."_

_ "But-._

_ Without saying anything else I left the run down mansion and rode my R Cycle back to the Tower. _

Slade's smug words are beginning to haunt me. What was he talking about? What possible potential could he see in Beast Boy? He's weak, annoying, and couldn't save the day if his life depended on it. I would be a much better apprentice than he could be ANY DAY! I'm the most skilled, the master of martial arts. I have defeated countless villains. And who has Beast Boy defeated on his own?

_Adonis_ a voice whispers in my head. _And that space monster that tried to kidnap him. You couldn't defeat him without Beast Boy. And who was the one who was able to get through to Terra even with a broken heart? Beast Boy. _

The more I think about it, the more I realize how wrong I've been. If it weren't Beast Boy's ability to change in any animal, we wouldn't have had the advantage in several missions. And as much as I can't stand his jokes, I must admit having his cheerful spirit always kept the team's morale up. I swallow hard as the reality finally hits me hard. Starfire is right. He's not pathetic. I am. I am pathetic, not just as a hero, but as a team leader. I let my judgment take over and started hating someone for no good reason. It's obvious to me now that there is so much more to Beast Boy than I originally thought. He is a better hero than I am, and a better person. I've hurt someone who didn't deserve it, and never deserved it. Not only have I been treating him badly, I've destroyed the person he used to be. A large lump forms in my throat and I feel the tears trickle past my mask and down my face.

"I-I'm sorry, Beast Boy." I whisper to no one in particular. "I'm really sorry for everything I've done."

_Why am I still here? _I ask myself. Star's right. I shouldn't be here at the Tower. I should be at the hospital, supporting not only my teammate, but my friend. I have no idea how bad his condition is. He could be dying right now. Without thinking twice I rush out the room and down the elevator to my R-cycle. I have to get to the hospital and apologize before it's too late.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later I park my R-cycle in the garage of the hospital. I ignore the looks of awe and surprise of the citizens of Jump City as I make my way to the emergency room. I'm on a mission and nothing is going to stop me. Once I reach the waiting room, I feel my blood run cold as my veins turn to ice. _Oh no! He's dead!_

Cyborg has his arms wrapped around a sobbing Starfire. I can see tears of his own running down the metal man's face. Raven is being consoled by one of the nurses. Random objects are exploding everywhere, but she doesn't seem to notice or care. Something has happened. Something bad.

"What happened?!" I demand, coming closer to Cyborg. Starfire looks up from Cyborg's shoulder and glares at me. I ignore it. My heart is pounding. I'm afraid of what I'm about to learn.

Cyborg let's out an anguished sigh. "BB's dying," he says in a choked voice. "The doctor is trying to save him, but I don't think there is any hope that he will survive."

All the air escapes my lungs. I struggle to breathe. I'm too late: too late to apologize for everything I've done, too late to make everything right. I feel my knees give way. I collapse in the closest chair, my head in my hands. _I'm sorry, Beast Boy_ I think over and over again. _Please live._

**To be continued...**


	11. Part XI

A/N: Happy Valentine's Day! And here is my gift to you all for all your support. Thank you guys so much for your feedback. Hope you like this chapter. Please review. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans Beast Boy would've been treated better in the original show. Yes he can be immature and annoying sometimes, but I really feel that he could've been treated better and given the credit he deserves.

**I'll Be**

** Part XI**

** Raven**

Even though my energy is well spent I find it difficult to fall asleep. My mind can't stop thinking about everything that has happened today. Every time I think about Beast Boy, I clutch onto him a little tighter, doing my best not to hurt him. I wish he would wake up soon. I miss him terribly. Not to mention my emotions won't stop worrying about him until he does.

Suddenly the machine measuring his heart rate changes. Instead of the constant beeping I've been listening to for the past couple of hours I hear a long, drawn out sound.

**BEEEEEEEEP!**

I bolt out of bed so fast I don't even notice the heavy white blanket falling off me. I don't know how it got there, nor do I care. Instead I stare in horror at the flat line on the computer monitor. _Oh no! Please no!_

My hands immediately grow blue. I place them above his chest. My heart is racing. His face is no longer green, but the same skin tone as mine. _No! _ "C'mon Beast Boy, don't do this to me! Fight it! For me!"

Before I am able to touch his heart with my healing magic, I feel a hand grab me roughly by the shoulder and push me aside. "Miss, you're going to have to leave immediately," Dr. Haevert says, his face unnaturally pale.

"No!" I scream. A couple of syringes by the wash station explode in black aura. I don't care. "I-I can heal him! I can save him! Please!"

As the hysteria continues to build, more and more things start exploding everywhere in the room. "Get her out of here," the doctor orders in panic. "She'll destroy all the equipment!"

"Come on, dear," a voice says gently. Robynn, the nice nurse who tried to help me earlier grabs my arm firmly, pulling me out of the room.

"Beast Boy!" I cry, tears falling down my cheeks. I can't help it. The most important person in my life is dying right before my very eyes and I can't do a thing to save him. "Beast Boy I love you! Please d-don't leave me!"

I give up struggling once I'm back in the waiting room. I slump in a nearby chair. My hands cover my face to hide the tears. More objects are exploding, in the waiting room this time. I shut my eyes and force myself to calm down before I blow up the entire hospital. _Azarath Metrion Zinthos! _

"Raven!" Cyborg says. His voice is abnormally high pitched. "What's wrong?! What happened?!"

I don't respond to him. Not because I'm still angry with him, but because I'm so upset I don't think I can get the words out. "Your friend is flat-lining," Robynn says for me. She puts an arm around my shoulders. I'm so distraught I let her. At the same time, her comforting gesture is making it easier to control my emotions.

"What does that mean?" Starfire asks in confusion.

"It means BB's heart has stopped," Cyborg answers. His voice cracks horribly.

I think I might have heard Robin's voice too, but I'm too distraught to care. It takes me a long time to get my emotions completely under control. When the tears finally stop falling from my eyes and the objects stop levitating in the room, I remove my hands from my face. I glance at the young nurse pleadingly. "P-Please don't let him die! I-I need him!"

Robynn tries to appear encouraging, but I can see the anxiety all over her face. Her arm remains across my shoulders in comfort. "I don't want to get your hopes up," she says gently. "But I promise that Dr. Haevert is doing all he can to save your friend."

As if on cue, the doctor enters the waiting room. I stand up shakily, my heart pounding hard in my chest. His next words will either heal me or break me. Dr. Haevert takes a deep breath. "It was a close call, but we managed to get his heart started again. However, he's not out of the woods yet. As a precaution I still can only allow one person to see him."

I step forward. Dr. Haevert gives me a concerned look. "I'm okay now," I tell him reassuringly. He nods, opening the double doors so that I can enter. I do so, not looking back. The other Titans don't matter right now. Jump City doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that I'm with my true love once more.

My rattled emotions settle down completely when I hear the steady beeping on the heart monitor once more. Everything is back to normal. Judging by how green his face is now, I have a good feeling that he will wake up. I just hope that it's sooner rather than later.

I lie back down next to him on the bed. "If you scare me like that again, I swear I'll throw you in another dimension," I threaten tiredly. After such an emotional meltdown, there is nothing keeping me awake this time. I give Beast Boy a soft kiss on the lips, then fall into what I hope is a dreamless sleep.

**Beast Boy**

_I had never been more terrified in my life. I didn't know where I was-whether I was alive or dead. All I could see around me was pure white. I wasn't sure if I was in a room, different world, or a different dimensional plane. Not knowing where I was had to be the most frightening thing I had ever experienced. I wanted to go home. _

_ I shut my eyes so tight it hurt. I want so badly to be back home. Not Titans Tower or Jump City. Not even Detroit where the Doom Patrol Headquarters was located. My real home back in Africa. A place where I was surrounded by all the animals in the wild that my parents let me play with as they studied them. It was the only time and place where I actually felt safe. Anytime I felt scared or alone this was the place my mind would retreat to. _

How strange._ I thought to myself. I was no longer surrounded by silence. Instead I heard various chirping sounds by many different birds; growling of a tiger; the roar of a gorilla. Sounds I knew very well. And the smell-the smell of the foliage of the jungle-something I hadn't smelled in almost ten years. _It can't be real_ I told myself in disbelief. _I'm not really here.

_When I opened my eyes I was greeted by the lush green jungle that I knew so well. The many tress and plants. I watched in awe as a red monkey swung from the vines and the many different colored birds flew from tree to tree. I was truly here in Africa. _So this is my paradise _I thought to myself, feeling immediately at home. _I must have truly passed on.

_"This is not your home yet," a male voice said from behind me. The voice sounded so familiar, like I heard it in a dream. The voice of someone I hadn't seen in almost a decade. "But it could be."_

_ My body froze in shock. I was too afraid to turn around. I didn't want to be disappointed. Yet I wanted it to be who I thought it was so very badly. Then another voice spoke-a female voice this time. "It's so good to see you, son. My have you grown."_

_ "Mom," I whispered to myself. "Dad."_

_ Finally finding my courage I forced myself to turn around. My eyes remained transfixed on the two people standing in front of me. A tall man with blonde hair, wearing tan safari gear and hat and a woman a little shorter than him, her long brown hair flowing down to the middle of her back. Her outfit was similar to his, but white. They had a certain glow to them. A tear fell down my cheek, followed by another. It was my parents. They were really here. But how? How did they get to my paradise?_

_ "I-I don't understand. Why are you guys here?" I asked. I longed to run over to my parents and fling my arms around them. I longed to hug them tightly and never let go. I couldn't. I was too afraid that they weren't real and this was all just a terrible dream. "Shouldn't you guys be in your own paradise?"_

_ "We came here because we wanted to see you," my mother said gently. "We wanted to help you make the right decision."_

_ It finally dawned on me what she was talking about. I am not dead-not yet. I could be. I could let go and pass on, finally being in the afterlife that I've craved for so long. I could finally be with my parents. Or I could force myself to wake up and go back to my life. Life at Jump City with friends who can't stand me-back to my life with Raven. _

_ I made my decision very quickly. I had been longing for Death since the Titans left me bleeding on the street. I wanted more than anything to stay with my parents. I broke into a run into my parents' arms. Tears fell down my cheeks harder as I felt them hug me tighter. Finally after all these years I felt their hugs. I could smell the jungle on them like I did when I was a child. I was finally safe. I was finally home. "I-I want to stay with you, Mom and Dad," I sobbed. "I-I've wanted to be with you since the accident. I-I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you!"_

_ I felt my mother kiss me on the top of the head. I felt warm all over. "We don't blame you, sweetheart. The accident was not your fault. All that matters is that you made it out alive."_

_ I smiled against my father's chest. A huge burden I've been carrying on my chest had finally lifted. The guilt I had held onto for years dissolved instantly. My parents were okay. They didn't blame me for the accident. My smile faded. There was something bothering me. Neither of them said that they wanted me to join them in paradise. Why? Did they not love me anymore?_

_ I pulled away from my parents and took a step back. I studied both of their faces. They were both serious. It looked like they were almost...disappointed in me. "Y-you don't want me to stay," I asked in a small voice. _

_ My father put his hand on my shoulder. "Son, your mother and I love you more than anything. Of course we want you to stay. Just not right now."_

_ "I don't understand."_

_ "You have so much life ahead of you, Garfield," Mom clarified. "You will be with us here, just not yet. Live your life to the fullest. Continue helping people. Then when the right time comes, we will be together again as a family."_

_ "As long as you don't try taking the easy way out again," Dad added, the disappointment evident in his voice. _

_ I lowered my head in guilt. He was referring to my suicide attempt. "I-I'm sorry that I disappointed you," I whispered. "I was hurting so bad, I just didn't know what to do anymore. I had no one left who believed in me. It took me a long time, but I finally realized how right my teammates were. I'm worthless. They would be better off without me." A couple of tears fell from my eyes. "Everyone would."_

_ "That is not true. " My mother gently wiped the tears away. "You are worth a lot more than you think. Despite all the hardships you have gone through, you've always remained so happy and selfless. You are a very valuable member to your team, even if they don't see it right now. Don't forget about Raven. She'll always be there to remind you how important you are," I lifted my head and looked into my mother's watery brown eyes. "She truly loves you, Garfield. It's a love worth holding onto. She needs you. If you ever feel down, she'll be there for you."_

_ I smiled slightly, thinking about my lavender-haired girlfriend. I loved her with every part of me. I desperately wanted to be with her again. She risked her life to save me from Slade. I couldn't just abandon her. On the other hand, I've missed my parents so much. Besides, despite the fact that the other Titans saved me too, I knew they still hated me. It would be too painful to stay at the Tower. If I chose paradise I knew I'd break Raven's heart. Oh I was so confused. What was I supposed to do?!_

_ "The choice is yours," Mom told me, touching my cheek. "Whatever you decide, we will always love you."_

_ Out of nowhere I felt myself being surrounded by a warm feeling. The feeling of true love. Raven. She was here. Maybe not in this paradise, but wherever my body is, she's with me at this moment. I could feel her. I could smell her lavender scent. It's so calming. After doing some serious thinking, I made a final decision. I loved my parents so much. Finally seeing them at last and knowing that they didn't blame me for the accident gave me a sense of peace that I haven't felt in years. Raven and I could have a bright future. I didn't want to miss out on that. I was ready to go back and live a good life with my true love. Then when my life is finally done, I will spend the afterlife with my family. _

_ I smiled happily at my parents, throwing my arms around them once more. "T-thank you Mom and Dad. I'll see you soon, but not too soon. I love you!"_

_ "We love you too," Dad responded. _

_ I closed my eyes and concentrated. It was time to go back and face the world. This time I was ready. _

The sounds of the jungle disappear. I can't smell the trees and plants anymore either. Instead what I hear is the steady beeping of a machine. I can smell a clean and sterile environment. It reminds me strongly of the medical ward back at the Tower. Is that where I am? I don't care where I am as long I am no longer locked in Slade's dungeon.

I don't see much when I open my eyes. The room is completely dark. I glance up to see the beeping monitor beside me, my heartbeat monitored at the top of the screen. I don't recognize the small room that I'm in at all. I'm not in the medical ward like I originally thought. Judging by the many machines and the bed that I'm in, my guess is I'm in the Jump City hospital.

An arm protectively grips onto my side. A smile spreads across my face when I turn my head. Raven is right beside me, her head resting on my shoulder. That explains why I could feel her love so strongly while I was asleep. I breathe in her lavender scent. Seeing her lovely face again reaffirms my feeling that I made the right choice to wake up. As I continue looking at my girlfriend, I can see how thoroughly exhausted she is. Her pale face is full of worry lines and heavy bags are under her eyes. Her short lavender hair is disheveled-something I've never seen on my girlfriend. She must really be worried about me. I long to wake her-to tell her that I'm alive, but I know that she needs the sleep.

Careful not to wake her, I give her a gentle kiss on the lips. "Goodnight my love," I whisper. "I'll see you when you wake up."

Then, feeling thoroughly exhausted from the throbbing pain in my chest and lack of energy, I fall into what I hope is a dreamless sleep.

**Raven**

I don't wake up until the blinding sunlight makes it impossible to sleep. Even though I slept the rest of the night, I feel as though I didn't get any rest at all. My healing energy is still running low and I still feel utterly stressed out. I know that I will continue to feel that way until Beast Boy wakes up.

Yawning lightly I sit up, stretching. I wonder what I'm going to do to keep myself occupied until Beast Boy wakes up. I didn't bring any of my books with me. The only book I have is Beast Boy's journal.

I glance at my green boyfriend, who is lying peacefully next to me. I realize in great delight the he's doing much better. The color of his skin is almost back to normal and his bandaged chest is rising up and down at a steady pace. If he continues to improve I know that he'll wake up soon-hopefully today.

"Good morning, Beast Boy,' I whisper, kissing his lips gently.

To my utmost surprised I feel him kiss me back, slow at first, then with more passion. His kiss makes me feel good all over. All the stress I've been feeling all night ebbs away almost instantly. Instead I feel completely loved.

"Good morning, Rae," Beast Boy says sleepily. His green eyes are halfway open. "I hope you slept well."

"Nevermind about me," I say impatiently. "How are _you _feeling?!"

"Sore. And tired. But I'm okay."

I look deeply into his green eyes to make sure that he is truly awake. "Are you sure that you're okay?" I ask. "Your heart stopped beating last night. It nearly scared me to death."

"I'm fine. I promise." A smirk grows on his face. "I thought you didn't do fear."

I glare at him. "Death is not something to joke about!"

His smile disappears instantly. "I know. I'm sorry. Don't worry about me, Raven. I promise that I'll never leave your side again."

"Good."

I press my lips against his for another intense kiss. He responds with just as much enthusiasm. He opens his mouth to deepen the kiss. Shivers run up and down my spine as I feel his uninjured bare hand through my short lavender hair. I never want this moment to end.

"I love you," Beast Boy whispers once we are forced to pull away.

I smile. "I love you, too." Not wanting to be separated any longer, I kiss him again.

"Well, I certainly wasn't expecting to see this," a very amused male voice says from behind us.

My whole body freezes. I pull away from Beast Boy immediately. Standing by the doorway is a very amused Dr. Haevert and a smirking Nurse Robynn. Faster than the speed of light I get off the bed. My cheeks are flushed and I hear a window shatter.

_How humiliating! _Embarrassment says in my mind, hiding her face with her dark yellow cloak.

Dr. Haevert enters the room, the smirk still on his face. "How are you feeling?" he asks Beast Boy. "Besides an elevated heart rate?"

Beast Boy's face changes from green to tomato red. "I-I'm fine," he squeaks.

Silently Dr. Haevert checks all of Beast Boy's vitals. Once I recover from the shock and embarrassment I sit on the chair next to the hospital bed.

"Your vitals look good," Dr. Haevert says after listening to Beast Boy's breathing through the stethoscope. "I'm going to remove the bandages from you burns now."

I watch as the doctor gently removes the white bandages that are on Beast Boy's chest. I feel sick to my stomach seeing the injuries Beast Boy sustained from Slade. The burns don't look as vicious as they did before, thanks to my healing and whatever treatments the doctor did, but they are still a vibrant red color. I vividly see the shape of a chain imprinted in a diagonal direction on his chest. Because of the severity of the burns, I know that no amount of healing will erase the damage. He'll have those scars forever.

"These are looking much better," Dr. Haevert says, examining the injuries on Beast Boy's back. "It'll take some time to heal, but you should be able to go home in a week or two."

"Don't worry, Doc," Beast Boy says cheerfully, sounding like the old Beast Boy I used to know. "I'm a fast healer. I'll be out of your hair in no time."

"Good. Now that you're awake I'll have Robynn get your friends. They've been worried sick about you."

"NO!" Beast Boy sits up suddenly. His green face instantly turns into a very light green. I can feel his agony from his injuries. "Please don't!"

"Lie down, Garfield," I tell my boyfriend sharply.

He doesn't listen to me. He stares at the doctor in utter terror. I can feel his distress level rising rapidly. "I-if you bring them in here they'll just yell at me for all the trouble I've caused. I-I can't take it!"

With a firm hand I push Beast Boy hard on the shoulder until he's lying back down again. I hold on firm so he doesn't try to sit up again. His body is trembling in fear, his green eyes are as wide as dinner plates. Dr. Haevert and Robynn look at each other in confusion. Then they look at me. "It's a long story," I tell them, sighing. "All you need to know is that it would be best if the others don't visit him yet."

"Very well," Dr. Haevert says. He puts a reassuring hand on Beast Boy's other shoulder. "Don't worry. You don't have to see anyone that you don't want to."

"Thank you," Beast Boy says quietly. His face is still really pale, but he's slowly starting to calm down again.

"I'll come by tonight to see how you're doing. In the meantime get your rest."

Dr. Haevert and Robynn exit the room, leaving us alone again. Beast Boy's eyes are shut and distress is all over his face. "Are you all right?" I ask in concern.

"I can't face them, Raven," Beast Boy whispers. "I just can't. Not after...not after everything they've done to me. I-I'm too scared."

I stroke his emerald hair. "I know they really hurt you, Beast Boy. But I have seen them since we rescued you. They are all full of remorse for what they've done. I think they've finally realized how wrong they have been about you. Maybe you should give them a chance to apologize."

"You don't understand, Raven. There is a major event, well lots of major events that happened between me and the others that you don't know about. They...they broke me. That's why I attempted suicide the night you found me."

"Tell me." I urge, trying to give him an encouraging smile, even though his eyes are still shut tight. "I want to know everything."

Beast Boy is silent for a long time. Then finally he opens his eyes and looks at me seriously. Torment is evident all over his face. He's reliving all the painful memories of the past week. I feel his sadness and longing for the pain to go away. I continue to stroke his hair in hopes of giving him some comfort. "All right," he says reluctantly.

I listen closely, bracing myself to learn all the horrible events that had happened to Beast Boy before I realized what was going on. I want to know everything, so that I can make the situation better.

* * *

It's nearly noon when I finally leave Beast Boy's hospital room. Once I learned everything that the others did to Beast Boy I had to spend at least an hour comforting my green boyfriend. Many tears were shed and I had to hold him close to ease his pain.

Then I spent another two hours meditating while Robynn came in routinely to check Beast Boy's vitals before leaving for the day. I had to meditate. After everything I learned, my anger and hatred towards the others was stronger than ever. As much as I want to release my anger on the others, I didn't want to let Rage loose. She'll destroy the hospital and put innocent civilians' lives in danger. Once I finally calmed her down enough to put her back in her chains, I figured it was finally time to face the others. I had to make sure they finally see how much damage they've caused. They must see how much they hurt the teammate they suddenly care so much about.

I enter the waiting room. Robin is sitting in a corner by the door, his head bent. Starfire is sitting next to Cyborg, who is snoring loudly, sprawled across three chairs. He jerks awake when the large doors close behind me. He jumps to his feet. "Raven!" he says urgently. "How is he?!"

"Beast Boy is awake," I manage in my usual monotone.

"Oh Thank God," Cyborg says.

"That is wonderful news!" Starfire gushes happily. Robin hurries over to us, immense relief all over his masked face. "Now I can finally tell Beast Boy how sorry I am!"

I grab her by the arm before she can pass me. "He doesn't want to see any of you."

"We understand that we hurt him," Cyborg says. "We want to apologize to him and make everything right."

I stare at my friends. Guilt is evident on all their faces. Not enough guilt-not after all the horrible thing I just learned. Beast Boy had a hard time telling me everything because the memories hurt him so much. They need to truly realize what their actions have done to the person I love."Understand?!" My eyes glow white, my hood coming up. I rise up high in the air. "You understand _nothing_! AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!"

The floor below the Titans opens up to a swirling black portal. I watch as my three former friends fall through the portal. They don't know it yet, but I'm sending them to the past in Beast Boy's point of view. Finally they will truly understand how much damage their hate has caused.

**To be continued...**


	12. Part XII

A/N: This chapter was really hard for me to write. Only because I had to stop several times to compose myself before continuing. This is the first time ever where I was crying while I was writing a chapter. So warning...MAJOR angst in this one. I hope you guys like it. I don't think I'll be updating anytime soon. I need to take some time to figure out which direction I'm going to take this story since I'm nearing the end. Especially since I have a sequel still planned (if you guys still want it). I hope to update again in less than a month, but I make no promises. I want to do this right and finish this story in a way that will make both you guys and myself happy. Thank you for understanding. Take care and please review. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, I would've done Terra's backstory more like in the movie Judas Contract. As much as I don't like Terra, I feel like the cartoon didn't do a good job explaining her past or making her a more sympathetic character. But maybe that's just me.

**I'll Be**

** Part XII**

** Starfire**

I stare dejectedly at the double doors of the waiting room as they close again. I am elated that Beast Boy is still alive, but am very upset that I am unable to see him. I understand that Raven should be with him. I just wish that she would forget her anger just enough to let me visit the changeling for a moment.

"So you decided to show up after all," Cyborg comments to Robin, diverting me from my thoughts.

Robin lowers his head. "Yeah. It took me a long time, but I finally realized how wrong I've been. I owe Beast Boy the biggest apology of all. I just hope that I'll get the chance to do so."

With nothing else to do Cyborg settles back on the three chairs he was sleeping on. I turn away from Robin. I am about to go converse with Leah, the girl behind the desk in the room, when I feel a hand grab my own.

"Star, can we please talk?" Robin pleads.

I hesitate. Normally I love having the talk with Robin about anything and everything. Now after everything that has happened, I am unsure if I want to or not. I am still very angry. However, as usual, I cannot say no to Robin. Silently I allow Robin to pull me to the other side of the waiting room.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry."

I fold my arms across my chest. "I am not the one you should be apologizing to."

"I know. I know," Robin says, sighing. "I've been wrong about so many things. Wrong about Beast Boy; wrong about the way I've been treating him. I have been a terrible team leader and a horrible friend. Honestly, I don't know why I judged Beast Boy so harshly. All I know is that I own him a major apology. In the meantime, do you think you can forgive me."

I keep my arms folded and continue glaring at Robin. "Not until Beast Boy does."

"After all I've done to him, I don't deserve to be forgiven. Our friend's life is hanging by a thread, Star, and we need to support him together as a team."

I cannot stop staring at him. Even though I cannot see his eyes, I can see the sincerity on his face. "Did you say "friend?"

"Yes. I many not have been a very good friend to him, but I still consider him my friend. I always will."

Human boys are always so hard to figure out. Is he truly sorry for all that he has done? Or is he just saying what I want to hear? I want more than anything to forgive Robin and bring everything back to the way it used to be, but I am not naive. Even if Beast Boy survives this ordeal, nothing will ever be back to the way it used to be. Too much damage has been done.

"I fear you are too late, Robin. If Beast Boy does not survive, the team will forever be damaged. I will not have any reason to stay on Earth."

Robin swallows hard. I see a tear trickle from his mask and down his cheek. "N-not even for me?"

I feel my heart twist. I do not like it when anyone is upset-especially Robin. I force myself to stay strong. "Robin, I would love to stay here on Earth with you. But now that I have seen how cold your heart is, I realize that there is no future for us. I cannot be with someone so hateful. I am sorry."

Before I have the chance to change my mind, I fly to the other side of the room to sit beside Cyborg once more. My heart is breaking into pieces as all my hopes and dreams disappear.

* * *

The rest of the night feels like forever. After almost losing Beast Boy and my conversation with Robin, I find it impossible to sleep. Not even counting portkins helped. Oh I hope we hear some positive news soon. The longer I wait, the more worried I feel.

It is nearly twelve the next afternoon when the double doors swing open again and Raven enters at last. Without looking at each other, Cyborg and I rise to our feet. Robin, who has been sitting in a chair by the door on the other side of the room since our talk hurries over to us. Raven looks much better. Her hood is down and I can see pink in her cheeks. She still looks really worried, but much happier.

Cyborg speaks first. "How is he?"

Raven looks at us. Her face is back to its usual blank stare. "Beast Boy is awake," she says in her usual monotone.

"Oh thank God," Cyborg responds in relief.

I feel instant relief just from hearing those words. My heart swells with joy and hope. Beast Boy is alive! I have the chance to make up for everything I have done to him. "That is wonderful news! Now I shall go tell him how sorry I am!"

I do not make it two steps when I feel Raven grasp my arm. "He doesn't want to see any of you."

Cyborg takes a step closer to Raven. "We understand that we hurt him. We want to apologize to him and make everything right."

It is apparent that Cyborg said the wrong thing. "Understand?!" Raven's eyes glow white. Her hood comes up and she immediately rises in the air. "You understand _nothing_! AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!"

A black portal suddenly starts swirling below our feet. Immediately I feel myself falling through. I attempt to fly my way out before I get pulled in, but a black claw-like hand grabs my waist and forces me down. I let out a scream of terror as I continue to fall, having no idea where I am going. I shut my eyes, not wanting to see the ground when I finally meet it.

* * *

_When I open my eyes I find myself back in the tower. That is strange. Why would Raven send me back here? Unsteadily I rise to my feet. Not only am I back at the tower, I am standing in front of the door labeled "Beast Boy". Why am I here?_

_ Suddenly the door opens and I find myself face to face with Beast Boy. He does not look to be in the terrible condition that he was in when I saw him last. He isn't bloody or bruised. Seeing him in much better condition raises my spirits._

_ "Beast Boy, you are well!" I cry joyfully, flinging my arms around him in a tight hug. Huh? That is strange. Not only does Beast Boy not notice my presence, my arms pass right through him. Why would that happen? Is he actually dead and a ghost? Where did Raven send me?_

_ Beast Boy walks right through me. Perhaps I am the ghost. With nothing else to do I follow Beast Boy down the long hallway. I feel strong emotions surround me and envelop me like a cloud. Emotions of loneliness, sadness, and a small ounce of hope. _

_ I follow Beast Boy past the common room and toward the kitchen. A perfect replica of myself is standing behind the counter, mixing a red and pink colored meal. The pudding of doubt. As I continue to stare at myself and my uninjured friend beside me I realize where Raven has sent me. She sent me to the past. But when? I do not recall... _

_"Hey Star," Beast Boy says from beside me. His tone of voice is not normal for him. Instead it is emotionless, his green face blank. He almost looks and sounds exactly like Raven. I stare at him in shock. I have never seen him like this before. I can also sense a deep emotional pain that he's trying to hold back. I have to restrain myself from reaching over and comforting him. _

_ "What is it, my friend?" my replica says, looking up from her pudding. Hearing the fake sweetness in her voice makes me visibly cringe. This could not be real. I would never sound so fake, especially to one of my friends. I continue to listen, my eyes unable to look away from the scene in front of me. _

_ "I have a joke for you," Beast Boy says in that same emotionless tone. He hesitates for a second as he builds up his courage. It hurts me seeing him so uncertain. The look on his green face shows no humor. Instead all I see is desperation and fear. "I-if your mother is from Iceland and your father is from Cuba, then what are you?"_

_ "What?"_

_ "An ice cube!" Beast Boy finishes, forcing himself to laugh._

_ I laugh, unheard by the others. I remember now. I found the joke quite amusing actually, even if I did not understand it. All of a sudden I feel like I have been hit hard in one of my stomachs. My replica lets out a laugh. A laugh that is obviously forced. The look on her face is so fake I do not even recognize that person. "Good one!" she says in that same fake voice. _

_ I feel terrible on the inside from the strong guilt that is starting to build up. I also feel as though all my hopes and dreams are all gone. I know that is how Beast Boy is feeling in this memory. _

_ The green changeling turns his back on my replica. His head lowers and he begins walking back into the hall. I walk beside him, unable to stop looking at his watery green eyes. His shoulders are hunched. He looks so defeated. A tear falls down my cheek, knowing that I am the one who did this to him. By acting so fake and unfriendly, I made him feel as though he hast lost another friend. _

_ "Don't know why I even bother trying," he mutters to himself. "I should give up. Not even Starfire wants me around anymore."_

_ "No!" I cry out, attempting to grab his shoulder. Once again my hand passes through. "That is not true! You are my friend!"_

_ After a few short minutes we end up back in his room. I stand by the door, not wanting to enter the privacy of his room. I am unable to take my eyes off him. Beast Boy slowly sits on the bottom bunk of his bed, pulling something out from under his pillow. Being so far away I am unsure of what it is. I feel an invisible force push me forward. When I get close enough I see that he is clutching a small blade._

_I suddenly hear my voice ring in the room. _Less of use_. I look around, but my replica is not in sight. I know that I am hearing his thoughts. But why would he think that I would say such a thing?_

_ A tear falls down his green face, followed by another. Silently he rolls up one of his sleeves, dragging the blade across his forearm. The cut is so deep dark red blood stars flowing instantly from the wound. _

_ I let out a sharp breath, tears of my own falling freely from my eyes. I hurt so much, not just inside, but my arm throbs as if he had cut me too. It is the worst physical pain I have ever felt. I shut my eyes, not wanting to see the blood running down his arm. I had no idea that my coldness had hurt him this much. The guilt is weighing me down so heavily I am not sure how much more I can handle. _

_ "Please!" I beg out loud to anyone who will listen. "Get me out of here. I do not wish to see any more."_

_ Another black portal appears at my feet and I feel myself fall through. I shut my eyes, hoping that when I open them again I will be back in the present._

** Cyborg**

_I feel as though I've been falling for ages. The drop is even worse than when BB and I accidentally went into Raven's mind. The only thought that is on my mind to keep me from completely freaking out is wondering where Raven is sending me. _

_ Finally I land on my back hard. I groan. The world is spinning around me. I shake my head to get my vision into focus. When it finally does I realize that I'm in the living room of Titan's Tower-right in front of the couch._

_ "Why didn't you let me land on the couch, Raven," I grumble to myself. _

_ I unsteadily get to my feet. Okay I know where I am. Next question: when am I? Have I been transported backwards or forwards? Or did Raven just send me back to the tower? When I glance at the sensor on my arm it reads the 6__th__ of November-five days in the past. Why did Raven send me here?_

_ All of a sudden I hear what sounds like the garbage disposal running in the kitchen. My blood runs cold seeing a perfect replica of myself by the sink. _Oh no. Raven didn't send me here. Not to the memory that I regret the most. _I shut my eyes and try to walk away. I don't want to see this. An invisible force pulls me closer to the kitchen. _

_ "Dude, what in the hell are you doing," a familiar voice shrieks. A voice I know so well. _

_ My eyes are forced open. All I can do is stare at Beast Boy's devastated expression. His green face is unnaturally pale and I can see the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. My throat tightens when I start to feel his pain, so sharp it's like a dagger to the heart. I can sense how betrayed he is feeling at this very moment. _

_ My replica turns around to face Beast Boy. The guilt I'm feeling is powerful seeing the hate on his face. That is so not me. Why did I act this way? Why did I do this to my own best friend? What was I thinking?_

_ "I'm getting rid of your tofu," my replica says coldly, glaring hatefully at our shrinking teammate. "There's no room to store my meat. I've told you over and over again this is a tofu-free zone. If you want tofu go somewhere else!"_

_ I watch Beast Boy's head drop, tears falling freely down his face. I feel tears of my own falling. I can feel his emotions stronger than ever. It's like I took away the only thing that mattered to him-which I did. _

_ After a long, agonizing moment, Beast Boy lifted his head to look at my replica. "P-point taken, Cy," he chokes out. His tone is barely above a whisper. "I-I'll get out of your way. I j-just wanted to say goodbye."_

_ His words of finality hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't know what he meant at the time, nor did I care. Now I know it's because he was planning to end his own life. _

_ "I-I'm so sorry, Beast Boy," I choke out, not caring if he can't hear me. "I-I didn't mean it. You are my best friend and I love you! Please forgive me!"_

_ Beast Boy's ears drop as he lowers his head again. Slowly he leaves the kitchen. I follow close behind, the tears continuing to fall down my face. Beast Boy's emotions get worse with each stop he takes. He's heartbroken and strongly longing for Death. All because of me. I did this to him. I'll never forgive myself for hurting the person I consider my brother. _

_ With an anguished sigh Beast Boy slumps in front of his desk. Shakily he picks up a pen and begins to write. I look over his shoulder. He's writing a letter-a letter to me. _

Dear Cyborg,

My life will be ending soon. This will be the last time you will hear from me. I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry that I gave you that virus. I was being stupid and didn't realize that I was putting your life in danger. If I could go back and prevent my stupid mistake I would do so in a heartbeat. You are my best friend in the whole world and the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you.

Cy, I am so, _so_ sorry for the way I acted before and after I took the antidote. I'm sorry that I physically hurt you after losing to a video game. I'm sorry that I called you a sick bastard. I didn't mean it. I've always respected the fact that you like to eat meat. I wish I had showed that more. Finally, I am so sorry for attacking you and the others when I was under control of the Beast. I was not in my right mind. I didn't mean any of it.

It's time for me to go, but before I do, I want to explain to you why I chose to be a vegetarian. I've been around animals my whole life. My parents raised me with them before they died. Being around animals always gave me a sense of comfort. They are like my family. When I gained my powers, animals became a part of me. Just the thought of eating meat makes me physically sick, because it would feel like I'm killing my own family. I hope you understand.

Thanks for playing video games with me and for being my best friend. I'll miss you.

BB

_I completely lose it. I fall to my knees, burying my head in my hands. I struggle to hold the sobs back. BB's final words have cut me deep on the inside. He had never told me anything about his past. Now that I know a little more about his childhood, the reason BB became a vegetarian makes total sense. I wish I truly took the time to get to know my best friend. Especially since he was the first person who didn't judge me because of how I look. And how do I repay him? By judging him and treating him cruelly. _

_ I hear Beast Boy leave his chair. My hands leave my face. I watch Beast Boy walk over to his bed where a small gun is on the pillow. The gun is silver with a black handle. I recognize it as one of the weapons we had in the evidence room. _

_ The feeling of wanting to die is overwhelming. I know that's what he's feeling right now. I start shaking. Beast Boy aims the gun to his head, closing his eyes. "Best if I end it now," he whispers to himself, tears falling even faster down his face. The hand that is clutching the gun is shaking violently. "No point of causing the others more trouble; no point sticking around when I'm just going to be in the way."_

_ "BB stop!" I cry in panic, rising to my feet. "I-I was wrong. We were all wrong! Please don't do this!"_

_ Beast Boy's eyes open. At first I think he heard me, but then I notice that he's looking past me. An image of Raven's face flashes in my mind. Tears are in her eyes. I look around. She's not here. He must be thinking about her right now. _

_ He drops the gun and collapses on the lower bunk of his bed. "Not now," he whispers. "I still have to say goodbye to Raven."_

_ A small amount of relief washes over me. I don't have to watch him almost take his own life. However, that small relief does nothing to rid the great amounts of guilt and pain that I'm feeling right now. BB is my best friend and my actions hurt him worse than I thought. I don't deserve his forgiveness, but I am determined to show him how truly sorry I am. I _have_ to make this up to him. Somehow. _

_ Another black portal appears beneath my feet. I am unsure of where Raven is sending me next. All I know is that I'm a changed Titan. _

**Robin**

Why of all places did Raven send me here? _I wonder in confusion. I wasn't sure where she was going to send me, but I wasn't expecting the destination to be the training room back at the tower. I wasn't alone. Standing in front of me is a perfect replica of myself doing the usual stretch and workout routines that I do every morning. Am I in the past? It seems to be the only logical explanation. _

_ "Robin?" a timid voice says from behind me._

_ I turn around to find myself face to face with Beast Boy. He looks very small. Being so close I can see the heavy bags under his red rimmed eyes and a defeated expression on his pale green face. A small glint of hope is in the green of his eyes. _

_ "What?!" I wince hearing the coldness in my replica's voice. I didn't have to turn around to see the hatred on his face. I remember this scene very well. I don't want to see any more, but I can't look away from the terrified look on Beast Boy's face._

_ "I...I was wondering if I could train with the team today," Beast Boy says so quietly I can barely hear him, even though I'm standing right in front of him. _

_ "No!" I bite my lip, remembering my harsh words. "I can't risk you disrupting a training session. The last thing we need is another failed mission!"_

_ I literally feel something break inside me. That bit of hope Beast Boy has is gone in an instant. I can feel his devastation so strongly as if it is my own emotions. "Please!" His voice cracks painfully. "I-I'll do whatever you say. Just let me train!"_

_ "Sorry," my replica says in that same cold voice. "But I only train worthy people." The alarm goes off., flashing red in the room. "Stay here."_

_ Beast Boy lets out despairing sigh and slides to the ground. He shuts his eyes tightly. I can't stand seeing him like this, but find that I can't look away. I knew that I was being cruel, but not until now did I feel the effects of my words, my actions. Even if Beast Boy does eventually forgive me for everything I've done to him, I know that I'll never forgive myself. _

_ "You've made your point, Raven," I say more to myself than her. It takes a lot of effort to get the words out. My throat is so tight in an attempt to keep myself from completely breaking down. "Now send me home." _

_ Raven's monotone voice echos all around me. "I'm not through with you yet."_

_ Another portal opens and I feel myself falling through. I shut my eyes, wondering where Raven is sending me next. _

* * *

_When I hit the ground again I find myself in the middle of the street in Jump City. It's early in the morning and the sky is dark. Right in front of me is the entire team in the middle of a battle with Slade and his henchmen. We've battled this villain so many times I'm unsure which memory Raven sent to me this time. _

_ Beast Boy is in front of me, fighting off henchmen in the form of a massive green grizzly bear. He roars ferociously, knocking the henchmen easily with his paw. For once I don't feel any negative emotions from him. Instead I feel confident and extremely hopeful. _

_ My attention turns away from Beast Boy for a split second when I hear Raven's pained scream. I notice that she's clutching onto her arm. Beast Boy stops fighting to stare at Raven. _

_ "Beast Boy NOW!" I hear my replica shout over the chaos. Slade is laying on the ground after being hit by Cyborg's cannon. _

_ Beast Boy doesn't get a chance to respond. I watch in horror as one of Slade's henchmen plunges a sharp blade into the green bear's side. Beast Boy lets out a howl of pain, hurting my ears. My side starts to throb as if I had been stabbed too, followed by deep shame. Feeling Beast Boy's emotions makes the guilt more than I can bear. Knowing now how Beast Boy got injured and why he was unable to stop Slade makes me regret every single insult I threw at him. _

_ I start to shake. I can't watch this. I just _can't_. It will destroy me. But no matter how hard I try I just can't look away. I am forced to watch Cyborg, Starfire, and I advance on a very injured Beast Boy like a pack of ravenous wolves. _

_ "What the hell did you do that for, man!" a perfect replica of Cyborg says. "How could you be so stupid?! You ruined the whole mission!"_

_ Beast Boy lowers his head, clutching tighter to his side, which is bleeding rather quickly. I can't help but wonder how didn't manage to die right there from such an injury. That doesn't matter. His level of shame increases rapidly with each passing moment, in addition to the sharp physical and emotional pain. _

_ "You did not follow the plan," Starfire says in disgust. "You are less of use!"_

_ "No, please don't make me watch this," I beg to anyone who will listen. "I truly understand what I did and I'm so sorry! Please don't torture me like this!" Nobody responds to my pleas, nor did I expect them to. I know that my next words are what broke Beast Boy and I deserve to be reminded of how cruel I've become. _

_ "It's your entire fault, Beast Boy! If you had followed orders we would've caught Slade at last! I gave you this task to prove your worth to the team. Now I see how worthless you really are!" Once again I feel something break inside Beast Boy. This time it's even worse than the last memory I saw. Tears silently start rolling down his pale green face, twisting my insides. "I should just kick you off the team. But since you are so pathetic and can't follow simple instructions I've decided to let you stay. Only because I feel sorry for you. If you disobey me again, you are gone!"_

_ Beast Boy lets out a sob, followed by another. His dark emotions are so powerful I'm starting to feel physically sick. Everything comes to a screeching halt when one word rings out in the empty street. _

_ Suicide. _

_ A high pitched wail makes me jump out of my skin. This time it didn't come from Beast Boy. It sounded like...I turn around. _

_ Starfire is on the ground, sobbing hysterically in her hands. Cyborg is beside her, almost in the exact same position, except he's on his knees. This isn't part of the memory. They are really here with me. It takes me a couple of minutes, but I finally manage the strength to join my friends. I slide to the ground, pulling Starfire into my arms. She's solid-she's really here. I half expect her to push me away, but she doesn't. Instead she clutches onto me so tight that my chest starts to hurt. I shut my eyes and let my emotions out. I don't care about Slade or Jump City, or being the best hero ever. All I can think about is all the damage I've done and how it's way too late to fix everything. _

When I open my eyes again I find myself back in the Jump City hospital. Starfire is still tightly in my arms. I never want to let go. She's the only comfort I have.

Raven is standing in front of us, back on the ground. Her hood is down and I can see tears of her own in her violet eyes. "Now you understand why he doesn't want to see you."

I don't pay attention to Raven leaving the room. Instead the only thing I can think about is what Raven had just shown me.

**To be continued...**


	13. Part XIII

A/N: Hey guys I'm back! Thank you all for being so patient and for all your wonderful reviews. I'm so elated that you guys love my story so far. So as a reward I have a nice long chapter for you. I hope you like it. Take care and please review. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, the live action Teen Titans would've been done much better. I've never watched it myself, but I've heard really bad things.

**I'll Be**

** Part XIII**

** Raven**

_**one week later**_

For the first time in over a week I enter Titan's Tower. I spent most of my time in the hospital while Beast Boy recovered from his injuries. I healed him the best I could at every opportunity and kept him company. Once he was well enough, he was moved from intensive care to a bigger room with a small couch in the corner-which is where I slept at night. I wanted to make sure that Slade had no chance to take him again. Besides, now that I finally have my boyfriend back I want to spend as much time with him as possible. Today, if his exam with the doctor goes well, he's going to be released. So I decided to go back to the tower to collect a fresh set of clothes for him. Plus I want to take a long hot shower.

The first thing I do after I take my shower is enter the empty kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. Besides my books and my mirror, my herbal tea is something I've missed the most while being at the hospital. Unfortunately the notorious rumor that hospitals have terrible food is true. I'm ready to have something better to drink and have some real food.

I sit at the kitchen table, sipping my tea slowly. I enjoy the warm and tasty liquid slide down my throat. I feel my body relax instantly. I am able to block out the extremely negative vibes that I was hit at full force as soon as I arrived. Emotions of anguish and terrible guilt. The emotions that I'm feeling isn't just one of my teammates, it's all of them. Evidently sending them to the past did what I hoped. Finally they see the error of their ways. Even though they deserve what they are feeling right now, their strong emotions are making me feel physically sick. My stomach feels like it's on a very jerky roller coaster. I can puke at any second. Luckily I don't plan on staying here long. Once I grab Beast Boy's clothes I'm going straight back to the hospital. After that, I'm not sure what we'll do. That'll be completely up to him.

Right when I put my empty tea cup in the sink the elevator doors open. I turn to see Cyborg enter with two large white bags-one in each hand. He looks nothing like his normal self. There is no emotion on his face and the spark in his eye is gone. He's acting more like a robot than ever. An expression of fear appears on his face when he sees me. "Oh hey, Raven," he says cautiously. "I didn't know you were home."

"I'm not staying. I just came by to get Beast Boy's clothes. He's being released from the hospital this afternoon."

"I'm so glad that he's doing much better. I really miss him." I raise my eyebrow at his words. He places the two bags on the kitchen counter. He lowers his head to avoid looking at me. "Will...will you guys be coming back to the tower?

I take a good look at the man who I've always considered my big brother. He looks completely worn down-as if he hasn't charged his battery in a week. It looks like he hasn't been eating real food either. The enthusiastic, strong mechanically minded Titan that I know is gone. He looks like a shell of his former self. Feeling his emotions I know that the guilt is weighing heavily on him. I want to say something positive to him, but I can't. I'm still unable to forgive him for what he did to Beast Boy. What he did was the worst thing you could ever do to a person.

"I don't know," I tell him at last. "It'll be up to Beast Boy."

Cyborg looks at the two white bags sadly. "Well tell him that the fridge will be fully stocked with his tofu if he decides to come home."

Curiosity gets the better of me. I look in the bags. Inside is several packages of tofu. The second bag has even more tofu and a brand new large bottle of barbecue sauce. For the first time in a while I meet his gaze. I can see the sincerity in his human eye. He truly is sorry.

"I'll tell him," I answer quietly. Then without another word I leave the kitchen.

I don't make it far. While walking down the long hallway I notice the the door to Robin's office is open. I have to stop abruptly to avoid crashing into him. In his hands is a large cardboard box. It's full of various items. Items that look like clues to Slade's whereabouts. "Spring cleaning?" I ask in my usual monotone.

"Sort of. Thanks to you, I finally realized that it was my obsession with Slade that drove me...that made me act the way I did. I know that it isn't an excuse for the way I acted, nor am I trying to use it as one. But I'm hoping that by not trying so hard to capture Slade I can revert to the hero I used to be: a brave, selfless one who always puts others before himself. A noble team leader."

I nod, unsure of what to say. Robin looks just as bad as Cyborg does. His black hair is flat, no hair gel. His attire is a red t-shirt and black pants. It's so strange not seeing him in his uniform. His emotions are worse than Cyborg's-if that's possible. I can feel massive amount of self hatred and guilt so strong it's starting to give me a migraine. I know I shouldn't, but I feel some satisfaction seeing the Boy Wonder so distraught. Finally he is feeling the same way Beast Boy had been feeling before the changeling attempted to take his own life. Slowly the anger I've been feeling towards my leader fades slightly.

"I'm surprised you came back," Robin says suddenly, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"I'm grabbing some things for Beast Boy. He's finally well enough to be released from the hospital."

"Star and Cyborg told me how bad Beast Boy's condition was. When I found out about all the things Slade did to him I was afraid that Beast Boy wouldn't survive. I'm so glad that he'll be okay." Having nothing else to say I continue walking down the hall until Robin's voice stops me. "Raven?"

I don't turn around. "Yeah?"

"When you see Beast Boy, could you tell him that I'm really, truly sorry for everything I said and did to him. I was wrong. Tell him that he's a better hero than I'll ever be." Then without another word Robin goes the opposite direction to discard the items in his box.

* * *

Surprisingly it doesn't take me long to locate everything I needed in Beast Boy's room. For probably the first time ever his purple and black uniforms are hanging in his nearly bare closet. I shake my head. His sudden cleanliness is the only good thing to come out of this whole mess. Hurriedly I collect what I need then prepare to transport myself back to the hospital.

**Knock Knock**

"Friend Raven?" Starfire's timid voice says from the other side of the door. "I wish to speak to you. I-if that's not too much trouble."

I wonder briefly how she knew that I was in here. Perhaps Robin or Cyborg told her. My insides twist hearing her usually cheerful tone so broken and distressed. It occurs to me that of all the Titans, she hurt Beast Boy the least and has shown remorse much sooner. Plus I know that she was the one who convinced the other two to help me rescue Beast Boy from Slade. Sighing, I go to the door.

"What?" I ask as soon as I open the door. I am immediately taken aback by the alien princess' appearance.

Starfire looks far worse than Robin and Cyborg put together-and that's saying something. Her red hair is a total mess-as if she hasn't brushed it in a week. There is no spark of life behind her light green eyes. Instead all I can see is pain and regret. Her usually orange face is red and puffy with tears still falling down her cheeks. I wonder if she ever stopped crying since I made her relive Beast Boy's memory. Silkie is in her arms and I notice two enormous pink bags at her feet. The bags are bulging. I wonder if she packed her entire room in there. "Going somewhere?" I ask.

Starfire makes sure to not look at me. "I am returning to Tamaran. I-I cannot stay here any longer. It haunts me."

I fold my arms. Despite my shock because of her terrible appearance I'm still very, _very_ angry. "As it should. You deserve it," I say icily.

The tears fall even faster down her face. She lets out an anguished sob. "I know I was wrong. I let my fear and bad judgment take over and I hurt one of my friends. I lied to Beast Boy and made him lose faith in himself. I do not deserve his forgiveness or yours. I know that now." I don't respond. My arms stay folded. Sadly Starfire looks at Silkie. The worm is fast asleep. "C-could you give Silkie back to Beast Boy? I cannot bring my bumgorf with me. He will not survive in my world. I know Beast Boy will take good care of him." Before I can protest she puts the worm in my arms. The slimy feel of the worm in my hands makes me cringe. "Goodbye Raven."

As I watch Starfire fly down the hall with her bags I feel my heart soften. I know that my teammates deserve to feel what they are feeling after everything they did to Beast Boy, but for some reason I can't stand seeing them like this. Perhaps deep down I'm slowly starting to forgive them. "Hey Star," I call after the retreating alien.

She stops abruptly and turns to face me. "Yes?"

I hesitate. "Do you...do you want to come with me to the hospital? Beast Boy is being released today. It'll give you a chance to apologize to him before you go."

Starfire brightens up almost instantly. She drops her bags. "Oh thank you Raven! This means so much to me! I shall be ready in a minute."

I sigh. Might as well get Robin and Cyborg to come too. I hope Beast Boy isn't going to be mad at me for doing this.

**Beast Boy**

_So he finally got the girl_ I muse to myself, closing the comic book with a snap. _Good for him. _Sighing lightly I put the comic book on the small desk beside my bed. I close my eyes, leaning against my large white pillows.

I feel so restless. I want more than anything to get out of this bed-get out of the hospital in general, but because of the burns on my chest and back Dr. Haevert wants to keep me in here to make sure I don't get an infection. Plus, I'm still having trouble transforming without passing out or almost passing out. However last night he promised me if all goes well today I can go home. I am ready.

One question I keep asking myself is what am I going to do once I'm released? Should I go back to Titan's Tower with my teammates? They've tried to visit me on multiple occasions, but I had Robynn or whoever is on duty turn them away. I feel bad for avoiding them, but the truth is I'm still too terrified to face them. The other option would be to forge my own path and leave Jump City for good. I'll only do that if Raven is willing to come with me.

"Hey." I open my eyes to see Robynn in the doorway. "How are you feeling?"

I shrug my shoulders. "'M all right. I'm ready to get out of here."

"I bet you are. Don't worry. I think you're healthy enough to go home tonight."

"Good," I mumble, closing my eyes again.

"In the meantime are you up for a visitor? I promise it's not your teammates."

Her question catches me off guard. Who would come visit me besides Raven? "Who?"

"A woman named Olivia. She says she knows you from the comic book shop in the mall."

My eyes snapped open. I was totally not expecting my friend from the comic book shop to come see me. It would be nice to talk to someone for a while. "Yeah sure. I'd like that."

Robynn opens the door a little wider. Liv enters, wearing her usual black tank top and jeans. The top she's wearing this time says _Girls Like Comic Books Too_ in cursive purple writing. Her shoulder length hair is down, like always, with a black hairband to complete the look. In her hand is a black bag with the logo _DC Comics_ on the front-indicating the name of the shop.

"Hey BB," Liv says lightly. "How are you feeling?"

"Bored," I admit to my friend. "I just finished the comics I bought last week. Though I am happy that Syke finally got together with the popular reporter Mariah."

Her brown eyes light up. "I know, right?! I've been wanting them to get together for ages. Well, if you need some new reading material here is the newest issue. Just came out yesterday."

I smile gratefully, accepting the gift. "Thanks. I appreciate that." I place the bag on the table along with other gifts from the Titans and some of my fans. I haven't had the courage to open the gifts from my teammates yet.

"Of course. After all, you are my favorite Titan."

Her comment gives me a major confidence boost. "Thanks." I wonder how she knows that I'm in here. On the other hand, the downside of being a superhero is when something major happens, the entire city knows about it. We are quiet for a few minutes before I break the silence. "So I guess you know everything, huh?"

"Only that you were captured and tortured by Slade and that you won't see any of the Titans besides Raven. I'm sorry for everything you've gone through. If you ever need to talk, you can always come to me. "

I nod mutely. I don't look at her. Her words are comforting, but I'm not close enough with her to tell her about everything I've been through. She wouldn't understand. Then something catches my eye. It's a black semicolon on her left wrist with a date underneath. 7/24/94. I stare at in shock. Everyone knows what a semicolon tattoo means. Liv has always been so perky and cheerful since the day I met her. Surely she hasn't...

"You...you have a semicolon tattoo," I stutter. "You..."

She glances at the black tattoo on her wrist then looks at me so seriously it's like she's a different person. "Just once. A long time ago."

"Why?"

"It was after my sister died. She had been sick for a long time and when she finally passed away I stopped caring about everything. We were very close and losing her was like losing a part of myself." She sighs sadly, tracing the tattoo with a finger. "One day I just couldn't take it anymore so I took a bunch of pills, drank a bottle of vodka and waited for Death to claim me."

I can't stop staring at my friend. I had no idea. "Who saved you?"

"My husband. We were dating at the time. He found me and took me to the hospital." A smile spreads across her face briefly. "I was so mad at him."

"Are you okay now? " I ask in concern.

"Yes," Liv tells me reassuringly. "It took a couple of years of group therapy and the support of my husband, but I'm okay. I still think about suicide from time to time, but I constantly remind myself that I have so much to live for."

**(A/N: This story about me is true except for the tattoo and the suicide attempt.)**

For the first time in the three years I've known her I feel a connection with Liv. She truly does understand. "I did some things that I'm not proud of," I tell her quietly. "I hurt my teammates unintentionally and they shunned me, even after I apologized repeatedly. Finally I couldn't handle the guilt and cold shoulder anymore. I had a gun, but Raven stopped me before I could follow through. She is what I keep holding on to."

I expect Liv to be horrified by my story. Instead I can see that she truly understands how I felt at the time, because she's been there herself. "I'm so glad Raven was there for you. In time things will get easier and you'll be able to let go of your guilt. All you have to do is believe in yourself. And for what it's worth, I believe in you."

"Thanks." I reach over and give her a brief, but meaningful hug. "You're a great friend."

"Anytime. So, what do you think Syke's next adventure is going to be about?" she asks back in her normal tone of voice.

"I don't know. I am interested to see if Syke will find out that Mariah is actually his arch nemesis the Bandit Garnet."

Liv and I spend the next hour discussing comics and our theories about what is going to happen in the newest issue. For the first time in a while I finally feel a little bit like my old self, though deep down I know that I'll never be the same person I once was.

* * *

An hour after Liv left I find myself staring at the round clock on the wall beside the 24 inch flat screen TV across from my bed. For once I don't feel like watching anything or reading the comic that Liv gave me. Instead my mind keeps replaying the conversation I had with her. I had no idea how much she and I are alike. She's a kindred spirit.

Even though I have someone to turn to and Raven to love I don't think I can go back to Titan's Tower-or stay in Jump City for that matter. I will never forget what the others have done to me. Staying would be a constant reminder of how fast they were willing to turn against me. I won't be able to truly heal and move on. But where should I go? An even better question: would Raven be willing to come with me?

I think about the dream I had before I woke up in the hospital. The dream where I was able to escape to my happy place in Africa; when I finally saw my parents. I long to be there right now with all the different animals and the smells of the jungle. It would be so tempting to quit the hero lifestyle and spend the rest of my days with the girl of my dreams. Sounds like a solid plan. Now all I have to do is figure out how I'm going to tell Raven.

"Just got a call from the doctor," Robynn says, knocking on my open door. "He'll be here in thirty minutes."

"Good. I'm ready to get out of here." I notice the nurse is wearing more make up than usual. Her long red hair is curled neatly down her back. I've never seen her fixed up so nicely. "You look nice," I comment.

"Thanks," Robynn says. "I've got a date after my shift tonight."

A date. That's a great idea. Once I get released I can take Raven out on a date. I can take her to her favorite cafe, then a walk in the park. We need some time alone. Besides it'll be a good excuse to avoid going back to the Tower. It would be a perfect opportunity to ask Raven to come with me to Africa.

"So who are you going on a date with?" I ask Robynn.

"Someone I've known for a long time. This will be the first time going out as more than friends." I hear the nervousness in her voice.

I give her an encouraging smile. "Sounds like fun. I'm sure it'll be great."

"What was your first date with Raven like?" Robynn asks, glancing at the screen of the monitors surrounding me and jotting something down on her clipboard.

"Heh, we haven't exactly been on a date yet," I say, rubbing the back of my neck. "Things have been a little crazy since we've gotten together, I haven't been able to ask her yet. I hope to take her out tonight if she says yes."

"Yes," a monotone voice says from the doorway.

A grin spreads across my face. "Hey babe." Raven comes closer, giving me a sweet kiss on the lips. "I missed you."

Raven raises an eyebrow. "I've only been gone a couple of hours. "

"Too long," I murmur, kissing her again. "The doctor should be here really soon then I can finally get out of here. We can go anywhere you'd like. We can get pizza or visit your favorite cafe. Or-."

"Garfield, I need to tell you something," Raven interrupts. I stop talking immediately. I notice her expression is more serious than usual-which is saying something. "I didn't come alone. Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg are in the waiting room. I told them you would see them so they could apologize."

My face drains of color, my blood running cold. "You did WHAT?! Why would you do that after everything they've done to me?!"

Raven lets out a stressed sigh. "After you told me everything I was angry. So angry that I wanted the others to see what they've done through your eyes. I sent them to the past so that they could feel what you felt.

When I went to the Tower to collect your things I could feel their emotions. All of them feel terrible for what they've done to you and want more than anything to apologize. They are falling apart physically and emotionally. Just being around them made me feel sick because I could feel their emotions so strongly. I guess I took pity on them. And honestly, I thought it would be good for you to face the people who hurt you so that you can start to heal."

I'm trying so hard not to be angry at Raven, but it's not easy. After everything I've been through, the last thing I want is to see Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg. In fact I never want to see them again if I can help it. I want to say it's because I'm angry when in truth I'm beyond terrified. What if I forgive them and it happens again? I wouldn't be able to handle it the second time. I can't see them. I just can't. "I won't see them," I say, folding my arms and looking away.

"Garfield..."

"I'm going to go check on my other patients," Robynn says quickly, hurrying out of the room.

"Look, I appreciate that you're trying to help me, Raven, I really do, but despite the fact that they are sorry and want to apologize for what they done, I won't be able to forgive them. The reason being that they wouldn't be feeling guilty and upset if you hadn't said anything. They would still be hating me right now. They are only feeling guilty because you showed them my pain-not because they truly are."

Even though I'm not supposed to, I get out of the bed and walk unsteadily to the other side of the room I look out the window. The street is busy with cars passing by. Everything seems to be normal. It isn't. Far from it.

"You can't avoid them forever," Raven says.

"Yes I can," I say in determination. Deep down I know she's right. Even if I do decide to leave I still have to go back to the tower to gather my things.

"Look, I understand why you're afraid."

"I'm NOT afraid-."

"Did I come at a bad time," a male voice interrupts.

Dr. Haevert enters the room. Raven and I stop arguing immediately. Faster than the Flash I get back in bed as if I never left in the first place. I forget about my anger briefly. All that matters now is that I get medically cleared and finally released. "Come in."

Nobody says a word while the doctor checks up on my remaining injuries. "I am very pleased with your recovery. You're healing a lot faster than I expected, but before I release you I want you to try morphing again. If you can do so without complication then you are free to go."

I force myself to calm down completely. I need to concentrate. I close my eyes. I decide to turn into something small so that I don't strain myself. I think of a rat: tiny body, tiny paws, feet, and a thin long tail. Instantly I feel myself change. The burns on my chest and back flare up, but not nearly as painful. Instead it feels like rubber bands are being slapped against my skin. For once I don't feel nauseous or lightheaded. I blink back, taking in the huge world around me. Then I turn back into myself.

"How do you feel?" Dr. Haevert asks.

"I feel pretty good," I tell the doctor honestly.

"Excellent. I'll get your discharge papers ready. I want to see you in two weeks to keep an eye on those burns. In the meantime I don't want you to resume your hero work just yet. Give it more time for the injuries to heal."

I nod, shaking his hand. "Thanks Doc."

"Anytime." He leaves the room.

"Are you sure you're okay," Raven asks quietly a minute later.

"I will be," I answer, not looking at her. I glance at the pile of clothes that she brought me. My uniform is folded neatly at the end of the bed, along with my silver belt and shoes. "I guess I better change."

Before I can open the bathroom door, I feel Raven grasp my hand. "Beast Boy?"

"Yeah?"

"You have every right to be angry with me. If you don't want to see them, you don't have to, but I know that it will really help you if you face your fears."

I don't respond to her. I close the door behind me. I lean against the door, shutting my eyes. Slowly I start to calm down. Honestly, I'm not mad at Raven. I know that she's only trying to do what's best for me. And even though I'm having conflict with the others she still cares about Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg. She wants to be the peacemaker. She's always been that way.

Despite how strong my pain and fear is, I know that she's right. I can't avoid them forever. If I don't take this opportunity to face my teammates I might never get that chance again, and that would bother me for the rest of my days. Besides, Raven will be with me the whole time. She'll keep me strong. What's the worst that could happen?

I put on my purple and black uniform. It feels so good to be wearing it again. It's like I gained a part of myself back. As I put on my silver belt and shoes I try to think about what I'm going to say to Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg-if I say anything at all. I take a deep, shuddering breath, my heart racing like a jack rabbit. I can do this.

I find Raven sitting at the edge of my bed when I reenter the room. Her pale face is expressionless, as always, but I notice her lilac eyes light up when she sees me. Her reaction makes me feel so good on the inside. I let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, Raven. You are right. I am afraid-terrified actually, but I've never been the type to run away from my fears." I struggle to get my next words out. "I will see them."

Raven smiles at me. She gets up, placing her hands on my chest. "That's the changeling I love." I tuck a strand of violet hair behind her ear and give her a tender kiss. I close my eyes as I get lost into her. I struggle to remain calm. I hope with all my heart that I can do this.

* * *

Once Robynn gives me the discharge papers, Raven and I don't waste any time leaving the room. The walk down the long hallway towards the double doors with the red and white exit sign at the top seems to go on forever. With each step I take, the more suffocated I feel. I struggle to breathe. It isn't easy. It's as if large boulders are being pressed against my chest. Finally it becomes too much and I stop right in front of the double doors.

"I-I can't do this," I stammer. My heart is pounding so hard I think it's about to burst. My body starts to tremble from the immense fear.

Raven turns to me, touching my face, her other hand squeezing mine. She gives me an encouraging smile. "Yes you can. Just be strong. I'll be right beside you."

I start to relax the longer I look into her beautiful eyes. It's as if I can see her emotions behind her violet irises encouraging me as well. The heavy feeling in my chest eases up slightly. I can breathe again. I am so grateful to have her by my side. She can keep me strong and I vow to do the same for her if it ever comes to that. Finally I nod. Raven opens the doors.

I spot my teammates almost immediately. They are standing close to the receptionist desk. I take in the sight in front of me. Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg look completely different than the last time I saw them when they came to fight Slade. Instead of the strong, enthusiastic team that I usually know, Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg look worried and extremely upset. With my strong senses I can feel their guilt and shame. It's so strong I can see why Raven felt physically sick. Instead of feeling relieved that they are no longer angry with me, I am still really upset and utterly terrified to see them. And so very awkward. All I want to do is run as far away from here as possible, but I force myself to stay where I am.

Starfire is the first to speak. Her tone of voice is trying to be cheerful, but instead I can hear her guilt. "Beast Boy! I am so elated to see you!" She steps forward in an attempt to hug me. I immediately flinch, stepping back. _Less of use_. Starfire drops her arms and lowers her head. "I know that I really hurt you. I am so, _so_ very sorry Friend."

"We all are," Cyborg says, his voice cracking. I look at the half robot. Tears are silently running down his cheek. I've never seen Cyborg shed a tear. _Never_. "You look good BB. If you are willing to come back to the tower, the fridge is fully stocked of tofu and barbecue sauce for you." I continue to watch him. I must be dreaming. "I-I am so sorry for what I did to you. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't have a good reason. If you can't forgive me, I-I'll totally understand."

My insides feel all twisted up hearing the shame in Cyborg's voice. His dark face is begging for forgiveness, the absolute regret in his voice.

_This is a tofu-free zone_

I bite my lip to force my emotions back. I so badly want to forgive my best friend, but I can't. What he did crushed me. It takes a long time for me to get the courage to look at Robin. My anxiety sky rockets. He is the one I fear the most. Robin's face is paler than I've ever seen it. Tears are stained on his cheeks. He looks nothing like the strong, confident leader I have always known. Instead he looks weak, almost timid. And the pain and regret on his face is stronger than the other two. I'm so used to seeing him looking at me with such hate the fact that he's reacting with such guilt and concern is shocking to me. When he notices me looking at him, Robin lowers his head and his shoulders start sagging.

"Beast Boy," he says so quietly I barely hear him. "I was wrong-so very wrong about you. You were right. I know nothing about you, and it's my fault for never taking the time to become your friend. Instead I judged your harshly and treated you in a way that nobody deserves to be treated. I said so many hurtful things-things I now regret. I am so very sorry." Robin lets out a despondent sigh. "I've been a pathetic excuse for a team leader and a horrible friend. I-if you can find it in you to forgive me, I would be honored to have you back on my team. You're a better hero than I'll ever be."

_I should just kick you off the team_

I look back and forth between Robin, Cyborg and Starfire. There is no doubt that they are sorry for what they have done to me. I want so badly to forgive them, but find that honestly, I can't. Things will never be the same at the tower and no matter how hard I try, I'll never been able to forget how they made me feel-how they broke me.

There is so much I want to say to them, but I choose to remain silent. Otherwise I'll either get really angry or break down-depending on which emotion comes out first. I wrap an arm around Raven's waist. "Come on Raven," I say in a strained voice. "Let's get out of here."

Without another word Raven and I walk past the others and out of the hospital doors at long last. The bright sunlight blinds me for a brief second, but the heat feels good. Only then am I able to breathe again, my heartbeat slowly goes back to its normal pace.

"Are you all right?" Raven asks.

I finally look at my girlfriend, forcing a reassuring smile on my face. "I will be. I promise." I kiss her lightly on the forehead. "Now, where would you like to go for our date?"

**Raven**

I have never been on a real date before, so I wasn't sure what to expect. So far it has been the most amazing experience. I know that I will never forget this night.

Our date so far has been full of compromises. First we went to my favorite cafe for tea and a poetry reading. Then we had dinner at Beast Boy's favorite tofu restaurant. I wasn't brave enough to try the tofu, but they thankfully had other options on the menu so I settled for a salad and soup. Finally we went to see the new horror movie Wicked Scary II. I was completely freaking out, just like last time, but I was able to keep my powers under control thanks to Beast Boy's embrace during the scary parts.

"So what did you think of the movie?" I ask Beast Boy as we leave the theater. The outside is just as dark as inside the theater. Bright stars shine above us. It must be close to midnight.

"It was great," Beast Boy responds enthusiastically. "I definitely wasn't expecting the twist at the end."

"That's the best thing about horror movies. They usually have good twists at the end." Beast Boy squeezes my hand affectionately. I squeeze back. "So it's almost midnight. What do you want to do next?" I ask. "Or do you just want to call it a night."

"Honestly I'm not ready to go back home yet," Beast Boy says seriously. "I'd rather wait until the others are asleep."

I nod in understanding. I know that his emotions are still reeling from the encounter from the others. I'm so proud of him for facing the people who hurt him and handling it so well. He deserves a break. "All right. So what would you like to do?"

"Let's go for a walk," he suggests, indicating to the park that is up ahead.

"Okay."

_This is SO romantic! _Love gushes in my head. Surprisingly I agree with her. The park is lit up with sphere shaped lights that dangle between lamp posts. Red, yellow, and orange leaves are on the soft looking grass and various colors of flowers scatter the area. It is absolutely breathtaking. The best part is there no one else on the gray path. Finally after everything, Beast Boy and I are alone.

We don't talk for a while. Instead we are enjoying the beautiful scenery around us and each other's company. I break the silence after ten minutes when a question I've always wanted to ask comes out.

"Where are you from?"

"I was born in Africa, but have lived in many different places."

"Oh. I figured that because you're green you'd be from a different planet like Starfire."

Beast Boy chuckles lightly. "Nope. I was born on Earth. I didn't always look like this. I used to have the same color skin as Robin, except I had blonde hair and blue eyes."

"How did you get like this then?" I ask in curiosity.

"My parents were scientists, trying to figure out a way to bring back extinct animals. That's why they were in Africa when I was born. One day when I was four years old I got really sick with a disease called sakutia, more commonly known as green fever. It's lethal to humans.

In an attempt to save my life my parents developed a serum from a green monkey and injected me with it. I survived, but it turned me permanently green and gave me my shape shifting abilities."

"Wow. I had no idea," I say in awe.

"What about you? What's Azarath like? Is it very different from Earth?"

"Azarath isn't a planet, actually. It's another dimension." I hesitate, wondering how much I should tell my boyfriend about my past. There are things that I don't want him, or anyone else to know. "My mother is human-born in Gotham. My father is a demon...known as Trigon.

"He was the huge scary red dude in your mind."

Right," I say, pleased that he still remembers the adventure in my mind. "After I was born, Trigon had my mother take me to Azarath where I was raised by the monks and the priest, Azar. They helped me control my powers to keep my demon side from taking over."

I sigh deeply. "My father is pure evil. Ever since I came to Earth I've been determined to do good things-to show the world that I'm not like my father. I want to be a hero."

Beast Boy and I stop walking. Gently he cups my cheek. "You are a hero. You're strong and selfless. Not to mention you saved me in more ways than one. Half-demon or not, being with you makes me feel whole again."

His words make me feel good all over. "Thanks Garfield."

"Anytime Raven."

"Rachel," I whisper, not taking my eyes off my green skinned boyfriend. "My real name is Rachel."

"Rachel. I really like that. All right, Rachel it is."

Beast Boy gives me a passionate kiss. I melt into his warm kiss and respond with so much feeling. He is my one and only soul mate and I vow to never let go of him again.

"Rave-Rachel there is something I want to talk to you about," he says once we pull away. He looks completely serious.

"What is it?"

"I've decided to leave the Titans. In fact, I'm planning on leaving Jump City all together. I want to start over in a place where I truly feel comfortable." He takes my hands in his. "Will you come with me?"

"Where are you wanting to go?" I ask.

"Africa. It's the only place where I truly felt at home. I want to be surrounded by the animals I grew up with. We can start a new life, just the two of us."

I stay silent for a full minute, thinking it over. I am not at all surprised that he wants to go-not that I blame him. I want to go with him more than anything, but I'm hesitant. Titans Tower is the first real home I ever had. It would be so hard to just up and leave it. "What about the citizens of Jump City? It's our duty to protect them."

"Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire will still be around to protect them."

"Garfield, if we leave, the Teen Titans will cease to exist. Starfire almost left this morning to go back to Tamaran because of the guilt she feels." Beast Boy sighs, lowering his gaze. "I know that you've been badly hurt and your trust has been broken, but I also know that the other Titans desperately want to make it up to you."

I can feel the inner conflict that he's battling at this very moment. A part of him still cares very much about his teammates and wants to make up with them. The other part desperately wants to go. There's got to be a compromise so that I can take time to think about his offer and Beast Boy doesn't regret his decision later.

"I'll make you a deal," I offer. "Let's go back to the Tower and see how everything goes. Then if you want to leave, we'll go."

Beast Boy remains silent for a few minutes. Then he reluctantly looks at me with a forced smile on his face. An expression that I'm unfortunately getting used to. "All right."

By the time we get back home it's nearly two in the morning. The tower is silent, indicating that the others are asleep, as he hoped. After sharing a kiss goodnight we retire to our respective bedrooms. For the rest of the night I lay in my bed wide awake, my mind replaying all the events that have occurred today. I hope that my suggestion is a good idea and Beast Boy will mend the bond with the rest of the team. If not, it might be time to say goodbye to the Teen Titans.

**To be continued...**


	14. Part XIV

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry about the long wait. I'm still working a lot, even though a lot of places are locked down because of the quarentine. Plus I had a bit of an emotional downward spiral and it kept me from writing for a while. But I'm better now and finally have the next part out for you. I really hope you guys like it. Please review and let me know what you think. Stay safe. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans I'd have more Teen Titan merchandise haha. I also don't own Scream or A Nightmare on Elm Street. Both of those belong to Wes Craven.

**I'll Be**

** Part XIV**

** Beast Boy**

_December 1_

_ I never thought I'd be writing in this journal again. My previous entry was supposed to be the last. However, due to unseen circumstances I am here to record another entry. My plans of suicide were thwarted by the last person I expected. My Raven-or Rachel as I shall start calling her from now on. _

_ Rachel stopped me at the last possible second. I didn't understand why she intervened at first. I thought it was just because she's a hero, but then I learned it was because she was deeply in love with me. It's her love that keeps me strong every day. I wish I could say that my life has gotten easier since we've gotten together, but it hasn't. If anything, it's become even more complicated. _

_ I've spent the rest of the month recovering from a near death experience that had nothing to do with my suicide attempt. Slade had the bright idea to capture me and torture me in an attempt to convince me to join his side. I nearly died because of my resistance, but it would've been worth it. Luckily Rachel and the rest of the Titans saved me in time. _

_ My relationship with the other Titans has been very awkward since I've returned home from the hospital two weeks ago. Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg have finally stopped hating me thanks to Rachel's influence. In fact they are being so overly nice to me it's starting to get suffocating. Starfire has constantly been begging me to tell her jokes, Robin has been asking me for battle plan advice, and Cyborg absolutely refuses to eat meat in front of me. In fact he's been making me breakfast every morning. I truly appreciate the fact that Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg are trying to make up for what they've done to me, but honestly, it's far too late. _

_ I'm trying so hard not to be resentful or angry. I want to forgive them like a real hero would, but I don't think I can. I know that no matter how hard I try I'll never forget. The only reason I stay at the tower at all is because of Rachel. She doesn't want to leave her home. I totally understand her reason, but I so badly want to leave this place behind and all its bad memories. I love Rachel with every part of me. I'll gladly sacrifice my personal feelings for her happiness. _

**Knock Knock**

I look up from my journal, sighing. Which Titan is it this time? I know it's not Rachel, because Starfire dragged her to the mall an hour ago.

**Knock Knock**

I glance longingly at my window. It would be so easy to just turn into a bird and fly away, but I promised Rachel I'd try to go back to normal. Reluctantly I leave my desk to answer the door. "Hey Cyborg," I greet the half robot. My tone is lower than normal.

Cyborg's gaze is lowered, just like it always is when he sees me. Unlike before where he wouldn't look at me because of his hate, now it's because of the strong guilt I can still feel radiating off him. His expression is a mixture of worry and hope. "Hey, um, I was wondering if you'd be willing to play video games with me...for old times sake."

I hesitate. Just the thought of playing video games again reminds me of when I attacked him the last time we played-a memory I wish with all my being that I could forget. "I don't know..."

"Just one game," Cyborg pleads. "Then I promise that I'll leave you alone."

Against my better judgment I give in to my former best friend. "All right," I sigh. Silently I follow him down the hall towards the living room.

"What do you want to play?" Cyborg asks.

"I don't care," I answer monotonously. "Just pick something."

Cyborg decides on our favorite racing game and we settle down on the couch sitting far apart from each other. I barely pay attention once we begin to play. The usual euphoria I get whenever we play video games never comes. Instead I feel a tightness in my chest that I can't explain. It's as if the walls are closing in on me. Ironically, playing video games is the last thing I want to do right now. Instead of getting lost in the cheering crowd and the desperation to win, all I can think about is my friendship with Cyborg that has forever been broken. I don't even crack a smile when my green car crosses the finish line first.

"Aw man! You beat me!" Cyborg attempts to say in disappointment. "I'll win next game, grass stain!"

I look at Cyborg. He's not fooling me one bit. I know that he let me win on purpose so that I would forgive him-just like I planned to do a month earlier. Instead of feeling happy and relieved, I feel utterly depressed. "I know that you let me win."

Cyborg finally has the courage to look at me. His human eye is pleading. Shame is all over his face. "I-I know that I didn't try my hardest. I just wanted to prove it to you that my apology is real. I-I'm really sorry BB for everything. I've done some terrible things to you and I just want you to know that I'll do whatever it takes to earn your trust again."

A lump forms in my throat. It takes all that I am to not glare at the half robot. _Funny. I was planning on doing the same thing they day I caught you dumping my tofu. _I long to actually say this to him, but don't have the courage.

I stand up, putting the controller on the coffee table. I pointedly avoid looking at Cyborg. "I need to be alone for a while."

While I walk down the hall towards my room I berate myself for being such a coward. Rachel told me I shouldn't keep my feelings bottled up like this but I'm finding that I'm having a hard time telling the others what I'm really feeling. Perhaps it's because deep down I'm still scared of them.

Suddenly red flashes all around as the alarm goes off. Trouble in the city again. Since I was medically cleared by Dr. Haevert two days ago I can start going on missions again. Just the thought utterly terrifies me. What if I mess up again and the vicious cycle of abuse will start over? After all, messing up is what I do best. Yet the city needs me.

Robin skids into the hallway, nearly crashing into me. His masked expression is full of energy and determination-as always. "It's Slade. He and his henchmen are causing trouble at the old warehouse downtown." He notices that I'm alone. "Where's Raven?"

"Starfire dragged her to the mall," I answer shortly.

"I'll call them." Robin hesitates for a split second. "Will you be joining us? We could really use your help."

I almost immediately say no, but stop myself at the last second. The citizens of Jump City need me. I can't just abandon them. I just hope that I will be useful and Slade doesn't try to capture me again. That's the last thing I need right now. I let out a stressed sigh. "I'll come."

Robin gives me a reassuring smile-an expression he rarely shows me. "Don't worry. You'll do great."

_If you say so_. Reluctantly I follow Robin out of the hall to get ready for the mission.

* * *

I nearly change my mind fifteen times flying the way to the warehouse for the mission. My heart hasn't stopped beating vigorously since I made the decision to come. I feel anxious and unprepared. What if I screw up again? Maybe I should've stayed at the Tower.

The warehouse is eerily quiet when we arrive. I stay quite a distance from Robin and Cyborg while we wait for Starfire and Rachel to show up. I start to sweat and shake from nerves. This will be the first time seeing Slade since my rescue. I don't want to admit this to anyone, but I'm utterly terrified.

Cyborg must've noticed my distress. "Don't worry, BB," he says coming up beside me. "We won't let him take you this time."

"He's right," Robin agrees. "You're safe now."

I nod. I know that they are trying to help, but they are unintentionally making me feel worse. It's as if I'm too weak to take care of myself. I push my feelings aside and force a smile on my face when Starfire and Rachel appear in front of us. My heart swells with love seeing my dark beauty. Seeing her makes everything worth it.

"All right team," Robin says. "Slade is in there doing who knows what. Let's go get him." Silently we enter the warehouse. All the lights are off and it appears to be empty. "Be on your guard," Robin whispers. "Slade could be anywhere."

A low chuckle echos throughout the warehouse. "Well, well. If it isn't the Teen Titans. Looks like they brought their pet along too."

Hearing Slade's cold voice sends chills down my spine and panic rising. I feel as though I'm locked in his basement all over again. I struggle to stay strong.

"Show yourself!" Robin commands.

"As you wish."

The lights of the warehouse turn on. We find ourselves surrounded by Slade's army. Slade himself is perched on the highest stack of wooden crates, his legs crossed and arms folded. He looks completely relaxed.

"What do you want?" Robin snarls at his enemy.

The masked villain carelessly flicks a piece of dust off the crate he's sitting on. "Not much. Just interested to see the Teen Titans in action now that they have taken my apprentice away from me."

The anxiety is getting to be too much. I clench my fist so tight my hands are shaking. I bare my teeth. The only way I'm able to stay courageous is by focusing on my strong desire to tear Slade to shreds for everything he did to me. I wait impatiently for Robin's signal.

"You don't belong with them, Garfield." Slade says calmly. "I admit I may have presented my intentions the wrong way the last time we were together, but trust me when I say I am only looking out for your future."

I shift into a wolf and start growling furiously. Slade knows _nothing_ about me. He has no right to call me by my real name. I want more than anything to give him a piece of my mind, but stay where I am. "The only future you have with Beast Boy is him taking you down! Titans Go!" Robin commands.

We split up in separate directions. Instead of assisting my teammates with fighting the henchmen that surround us I turn into a large green falcon and fly fast towards Slade. My adrenaline rises when I get closer. Surprisingly Robin doesn't run in the same direction. Instead he stays behind and starts fighting the henchmen with the rest of the team.

When I get close and high enough I turn into a kangaroo so that I can knock Slade off the crates with my tail. At the last second he jumps out of the way. I crash through the many crates. I turn back into myself once I hit the ground.

I swiftly get to my feet, ignoring the splinters digging into my skin. Slade is standing a few feet away from me with his bo staff drawn. His eyes are locked on me. He's baiting me.

I turn into a massive green grizzly bear. I let out a loud, angry roar before I charge my enemy. Slade attempts to block my forceful blows with his staff, but I am moving so fast it's almost like a green blur. I pummel him hard, taking out all my anger and frustration out at the man I despise the most.

**SMACK!**

I hit him so hard he goes flying into the wall. I pant furiously, still in my animal form. The impact doesn't seem to phase the villain in the slightest. However as he rises back to his feet I notice that I left five perfect claw marks over his mask.

Slade grins at me in satisfaction. "There it is. There's the anger and motivation I've been hoping to see from you. You have so much potential. Don't waste it being on a team with people who falsely claim to care about you. Join me. I promise things will be different from now on."

I shift into a tiger. I growl ferociously. I'm not stupid like everyone thinks I am. I'm not going to fall for his trap.

I am about to attack again when a large box covered in black aura comes out of nowhere. It hits Slade hard and sends him back on the ground. I turn to see Rachel, hood up and eyes glowing white. She's floating in the air, ready to throw something else if necessary. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

I turn back into myself. Slade is disoriented. Finally I have the chance to truly prove myself to those who doubted me. Without a moments hesitation I rip off the damaged mask to see...a computer monitor screen. My heart sinks in major disappointment.

The screen turns on, revealing the real Slade in his lair. "I'm proud of you, Apprentice. You fought well. As a reward I won't bring you to me against your will. Instead I shall wait patiently until your teammates betray you again-which they will. Then I know you will come back to me. See you soon."

The screen goes blank. I throw the mask aside in frustration. Just once I'd like to be successful in a mission. Unfortunately I never will be. I sigh, running a hand through my emerald hair.

Rachel floats beside me. "Are you all right?"

I don't look at her nor do I bother saying anything. She knows that I'm anything but all right. I am badly shaken by Slade's words. I try to tell myself that he's just trying to make me doubt the others. At the same time I worry that Slade might be right and the other Titans will start treating me badly again. Honestly, I don't know how much more of this stress that I can take. Thankfully I'm spared answering my girlfriend when the rest of the team joins us.

"Great job, man," Cyborg says, slapping me on the back. "You sure showed him!"

"Yes! You were victorious!" Starfire adds. She floats up and down, clapping her hands.

"I didn't actually catch Slade," I mutter, lowering my eyes. "He tricked me."

"That's all right," Robin says encouragingly. "Slade has tricked me lots of times. We'll get him. You did great, Beast Boy."

"Thanks," I mumble awkwardly, keeping my eyes lowered. Instead of feeling better by their praise, I feel worse. I want to get the hell out of here.

"What do you say we get pizza to celebrate our first mission back as the Teen Titans?" Robin suggests.

"All right!" Cyborg cheers.

"Yes please!" Starfire agrees.

I feel four different pairs of eyes on me, waiting for my answer. Before all this happened I immensely enjoyed spending time with friends. This time, however, I'm starting to feel suffocated again. My insides tighten as if everything is being closed around me, my breathing is more shallow and I want to escape. I want to be alone. I glance at Rachel, who is watching me intently from under her hood. As much as I don't want to hang out with the others, I don't want Rachel to miss out having fun. After all, she deserves to have fun after everything that's happened lately. I'm not going to deny her that. Mutely I nod, then follow the others out of the warehouse and to the pizza parlor.

Rachel falls in step with me, taking my hand. "Are you sure. We don't have to do this."

I force a smile on my face, trying to force my feelings down. I have to act normal-for her sake. "Yes. Don't worry, Rach. I'm fine."

I swallow hard in guilt. I just lied to my girlfriend. I'm not okay and I'm not sure I ever will be again.

**Raven**

_Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all._

We haven't been to the pizza parlor in months. In fact this is the first time we've hung out as a team since Garfield was doused by the chemicals at the lab. I have to say, this has been the most awkward lunch we've ever had.

Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg have been spending the past fifteen minutes praising Garfield and giving him compliments about his performance during the battle with Slade. With each kind word they say, the more uncomfortable Garfield looks. It's as if he's being pushed into the corner and the walls are closing in on him. I can feel his emotions-as if he's struggling to breathe. Every time the team asks him a questions or tries to engage him in conversation Garfield answers with one or two words. It would also seem that he's perfected my monotone, which is very unnerving.

I sigh. I had hoped that once the team had a chance to make up with Garfield that everything would go back to normal. I have never been more wrong. The stress and awkwardness at the tower has been so strong that each day I almost regret telling Garfield to wait everything out.

_He looks so unhappy_ Timid says morosely in my mind.

I look at the green boy beside me. His face is a lighter shade of green, his eyes are transfixed on his untouched vegetarian pizza. His shoulders are tensed up. Garfield looks nothing like himself. In fact he looks like he's a shell of his former self.

_**I know what will cheer him up **_Lust purrs, licking her lips seductively.

**Oh yeah that would definitely cheer him up **Sarcasm shoots back. **Get your head out of the gutter, Lust!**

_I wish there was a way we could make him happy again. _Timid says.

_**There is a way**_ Wisdom says. _**We could take him away from here and to a place that will truly make him happy again. We could go with him to Africa.**_

I can see Timid's already pale face lose a shade of color. _Y-you mean go somewhere new?_

**Awe don't be such a coward, Timid! **Brave says enthusiastically. **It'll be an adventure.**

_But-_

"So Friend Beast Boy," Starfire says, breaking into my thoughts. "I saw on the television that there is a performance in the city that is supposed to be very amusing. Would you like to come with me?"

I freeze. I completely forgot that the entire reason Starfire dragged me out to the mall this morning was to ask for advice on how to earn Garfield's trust. I had forgotten that I had made the suggestion of the comedy show. Judging by the uncomfortable expression on Garfield's face, going to the comedy show is the last thing he wants to do right now.

"Actually Star," I interject before Garfield can say anything. "Beast Boy and I have plans this afternoon. Maybe some other time."

At first I feel guilty seeing the major disappointment on Starfire's face. However I relax seeing the immense relief on Garfield's face. He squeezes my hand gently in appreciation.

_Wisdom is right _I tell my emotions silently in my mind. _The only way to make Garfield happy at this point is to leave this place and start over. Don't forget, his happiness is most important. _

My emotions fall silent after my declaration. Gently I squeeze Garfield's hand back. My life is about to drastically change. I hope with all my heart that as long as we are together the change will be for the better.

* * *

Hours later Garfield and I are alone in his room. The green changeling is laying on the bottom bunk of his bed. Instead of being in his usual uniform he's clad in purple and black checkered pajama bottoms. His arms are clasped behind his head, his eyes closed.

I kneel beside my boyfriend in front of the bed. As gently as I can I place clear aloe on his green chest over the chain shaped burns, which even after weeks of healing are still a vibrant red. His body jerks involuntarily from the sudden coldness of the ointment. Even though it's been a few weeks since Garfield has been released from the hospital I was instructed to make sure his burns were still being treated until completely healed. At first I used my powers to heal the wounds, but once Garfield realized that I was physically feeling his injuries he put a stop to it immediately. So instead I've been applying aloe nightly.

My cheeks flush just from touching his chest. Just feeling the muscles is causing my heart to race. Every night I have to struggle to keep Lust under control otherwise she'd take over and who knows what would happen. Now is not the time nor place to get carried away.

"Go ahead and roll over," I say in my usual monotone once I finish with his chest. Without a word Garfield does as instructed.

While I take care of his mutilated back I struggle to think of what to say to him. My emotions are still whirling from my realization at the pizza parlor. I know I have to say something. It's finally time for me to make things right to the man I love.

"Gar?"

"Yeah," he responds tiredly.

"I-I'm sorry," I stutter.

The green boy turns slightly around so he can look at me. Confusion is on his face. "For what?"

I hang my head. "For being so selfish. I was so afraid of leaving my first real home that I've been holding onto the false hope that you'd be able to forgive the others and everything would go back to the way it used to be. It wasn't until we were at the pizza parlor that I realized how unhappy you are. It's my job as your girlfriend to make sure that you are happy. I failed. I'm sorry."

I feel his gentle hand on my chin, lifting it up. "Look at me, Rachel." Reluctantly I open my eyes. "You do make me happy. Just being with you every day makes me so very happy, because I can feel your love-even if you don't show it outwardly. Being around you, I finally feel like I can be myself. All that maters to me is to make sure you are happy. Things will go back to normal, I promise. I just need a little more time."

I don't need to use my powers to detect the lie in his voice. No matter how sweet his words may be I finally realize that no matter how much time passes, things will never be the same at Titan's Tower. Too much damage has been done. Beast Boy's trust of the others has been broken beyond repair. At this point fighting crime doesn't matter to me. All that matters now is starting over in a place where he is happy-we both will be.

"Let's go to Africa," I whisper, not taking my eyes off the man I love so much.

Garfield stares at me in shock. "W-what?"

"I've been thinking about what you said on our date and I think you're right. The only way that you'll be able to truly heal from everything you've been through is if we start over. I want you to be happy, Garfield, and if going to Africa is what it takes then I will go with you."

"Y-you'd give up your home," Garfield struggles to say normally. He fails miserably. His tone is higher than normal. "For me?"

"Yes," I confirm confidently. "I wasn't ready when you asked me before, but I'm ready now. I'm ready to start a new life with you."

A huge grin spreads across Garfield's face, his fang poking out adorably. Immediately I can feel his joy-something I haven't felt from him in a long time. Gleefully he pulls me into his arms for a loving embrace. "Oh thank you, Rachel. This means so much to me. You'll love Africa! There are so many quiet places you can mediate and I can show you where I grew up. You'll be happy there. I promise."

His strong positive emotions is so refreshing I feel better instantly. I almost feel normal on the inside. In my mind I can see Happy jumping up and down in joy. Feeling all of this makes me more confident in my decision. I kiss his head lovingly. "Just give me a day to gather my things. Then we will go."

Garfield pulls away slightly. He touches my face, sending shivers up and down my spine. "I know that I haven't yet thanked you for stopping me from ending my life. Because of everything I've been through in my life I never thought that I'd be pulled out of the pit of despair. When you saved me, I finally found something I've been longing for: love...and hope. Than you, Rachel, for showing me that no matter how dark life gets there is always a brighter side."

I smile. "You are what I live for. You're very welcome."

His lips meet mine in a tender kiss, which I respond happily. Once I finish treating the wounds on his back I return to my room. I've got a lot of spells to look up so that I can pack everything in travel size. For the first time in my life I actually feel excited for where my life is going to lead me next.

**Beast Boy**

_All right. That should be everything I need_ I think to myself excitedly. Since my room is still so clean it doesn't take me long to pack all the essentials. For the first time in my life I feel excited and looking forward to the next stage in my life. I hope with all my heart that Rachel will be happy in Africa. Her happiness is what matters to me the most. I close my beat up brown suitcase and lock it. Now all I have to do is wait for Rachel.

Something catches at the corner of my eye. A framed photograph of the entire team at the park is hanging above my desk. I stare at it longingly. In the picture is all of us sitting on a blanket, picnic food surrounding us. Robin had his arm around Starfire as he gives her bunny ears. Cyborg was giving me a noogie. Rachel was reading a book-as always. Looking at the picture I feel a great amount of loss. This picture showed our happy times. Happy times which are all gone.

A solitary tear falls down my cheek. "Goodbye guys. I will never forget our good times."

There is one more thing I must do before Rachel and I leave. Now that leaving this place is becoming a reality I find that I finally have the courage to do what I shouldv'e done weeks ago. After all these years on the Teen Titans it's time that I finally stood up for myself. I take a deep breath then leave my room.

While walking down the long hallway I struggle to think of what I'm going to say to the other Titans. My chest tightens. I have to stay strong. I can't break down-otherwise they will see how weak I still really am. I'm afraid I always will be.

As luck would have it I find Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire in the living room. It looks like they are setting up for a movie night. Cyborg is setting popcorn and other movie snacks on the coffee table. Robin is looking at the selection of movies we have in a bookcase by the massive TV. Starfire is on the couch, sipping a bottle of mustard.

Cyborg spots me first. "Hey BB, perfect timing. We're about to put a movie on. Come join us."

"Yes, please join us Friend. We have all your favorite unhealthy foods ready to be devoured," Starfire adds.

Robin turns away from the bookcase to face me. "What do you think we should watch, Beast Boy? Scream or A Nightmare on Elm Street?"

A part of me longs to forget my pain and join my friends for movie night-especially since I love both movies. It's obvious to me what they are doing. They are reminding me of what I love in hopes that I will forgive them. I struggle to stay strong. _Don't be a coward, Garfield_ I berate myself. "There is something I have to say to you guys." I take a deep breath. "Raven and I have decided to quit the Teen Titans. We will be leaving Jump City in a couple of days."

Immediately I can feel the sadness in the room. Starfire begins to cry softly. I hate making her cry, but I have to stay firm. My tone becomes more audible as I build my courage. "I know that you guys are trying to make up for all the pain you've caused me. I appreciate your efforts, I truly do, but the truth of the matter is that when things were really bad for me and I had no control of my actions you turned your backs on me and treated me like a monster. You guys really hurt me and made me feel like an outcast."

"We understand why you want to go," Robin says thickly. "We all have said some unforgivable things to you. We were just hoping that we'd have enough time to show you how sorry we truly are and maybe, just maybe, you'd find it in you to forgive us."

Finally I lift my head. The mixture of emotions I'm feeling is becoming too much. I want to break down, but manage the strength to stay strong. "In time I will be able to forgive you guys for all the terrible things you said to me. Someday I might be able to forgive you for dumping my main food source." I look directly at Cyborg. He winces. "However, the one thing I'll never be able to forgive you guys for is leaving me to bleed on the street after you guys yelled at me that day. I'll never forgive you for that, because that was the moment I realized that none of you cared whether I lived or died from that injury."

All three Titans look as though I dumped a bucket of ice water on their heads. The vibes of guilt and self hatred from the others is getting to be too much. I need to get out of here. Without another word I take the black and yellow communicator off my silver belt and place it on the coffee table next to the bowl of buttered popcorn. Doing my best to hold my head high I leave the room to go back to my own.

Once I'm in the hall I breathe a huge sigh of relief. All the stress melts away. I feel so relieved and happy I almost feel like my old self. Once Rachel and I get to Africa my life will finally be perfect. I can't wait.

* * *

_When I woke up the next morning I felt completely disoriented. I couldn't remember what I did last night or even the time I finally went to sleep. The only thing I could remember was the argument Rachel and I had last night about leaving for Africa._

Why did I sleep on the floor again?_ I wondered. It wasn't until I got completely out of bed that I noticed the deep scratches all over the walls of my room. My sheets were torn and parts of my purple and black uniform were ripped to shreds. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. The Beast must've escaped again. _

_ "BEAST BOY! COME HERE!" I jumped out of my skin hearing Robin's furious voice. _Oh no, not this again! _My heart pounding, I ran out the door. _

_ My anxiety increased once I entered the living room. Police, clad in their usual white uniforms were everywhere. Some of them were taking pictures, others were collecting evidence. Two of the officers were talking to Robin and Cyborg. I could see more claw marks on the walls and the couch was torn in half. _

_ Robin pointed at me once he noticed me. The two officers he was talking to approached me. "Are you Garfield Logan?"_

_ "Y-yes," I stuttered. I started shaking violently when the officers forced my hands behind my back and cuff them. _

_ "You are under arrest for the murder of Rachel Roth."_

_ My world literally ended hearing that one sentence. "WHAT?!" Then I saw Rachel's body in the corner. Her cloak and leotard were torn almost completely off. Vicious wounds were on her skin, bleeding profusely. Starfire was kneeling beside her body, sobbing hysterically. For the first time I noticed the overwhelming smell of blood and the taste of iron in my mouth. What have I done?! "No. NO!"_

_ "I told _you _we should've locked him up!" Robin lectured Cyborg. "He is nothing but a vicious BEAST!"_

_ The tears fell so fast from my eyes I couldn't see. "I-I didn't mean to hurt her! I swear it was an accident! I love her so much! Please believe me, Robin!" Robin's masked face was unforgiving. I glanced desperately at Cyborg next. His metal arms were folded and he glared at me in pure hatred. "Cy, buddy, please!"_

_ "Take him away," Cyborg said coldly._

_ I sobbed hysterically once I was out of the tower and placed in the back of a red and blue flashing police car. The only person who truly believed in me, who truly loved me, was dead all because of the wretched beast that was embedded in my soul. I wanted to die. _

A terrified gasp escapes my throat when I wake up. I sit up quickly, my hand clutching my chest in an attempt to calm my racing heart. I am completely drenched in sweat. I look around and realize in immense relief that my room is in it's normal condition. It was just a nightmare- a _terrible_ nightmare. It felt so real.

_ He is nothing but a vicious BEAST!_

I bury my head in my hands, shutting my eyes. With my eyes closed I can vividly see Rachel's ripped up and mutilated body. I can't let this happen. I just _can't_. There must be away to prevent this from happening. Then it hits me.

The only way I can protect Rachel from the beast inside me is if I leave the tower alone. If I go alone, I'll never have the chance to hurt her-or anyone else for that matter. Maybe I won't go to Africa after all. Instead I'll go to a place where no one can find me, though I'm not sure where just yet. Everyone will be better off without me anyway.

I glance at my glow in the dark watch. 3:17AM. Now would be the perfect time to leave before Rachel wakes up. Since I've already packed all I need, the only thing I need to do is write a note to Rachel and be on my way.

After pulling on my usual uniform I sit at my desk, scribbling on a spare piece of paper.

_Dear Rachel,_

_ I'm so sorry, but I can't allow you to come with me. It's not safe. To protect you I am going to a place where I can control the beast within me. Please don't come looking for me. I'll return someday, I promise. I love you. Forever and always. _

_ Garfield_

I grab my suitcase. I take one last look around my room. There are so many memories I'm going to be leaving behind. I'm honestly not sure if I can do this without Rachel. _I'm doing this for her_ I remind myself. Before I can change my mind I leave my room to start the next chapter in my life.

The cool wind hits me hard once I'm outside the tower. I feel the temperature drop, making goosebumps invade my flesh. Where should I go? I decide to start walking until I figure it out. How strange. The more steps I take, the heavier my suitcase seems to get. Why? I didn't pack much. After a few minutes it becomes too heavy to carry. Before I transform into a large animal I notice that the suitcase is enveloped in black aura. Uh oh.

"Gar, why are you leaving without me," a monotone voice says from behind me.

Rachel.

**Last part coming up next. Stay tuned :) **


	15. Part XV

A/N: Alas we have come to the final chapter of I'll Be. I've had such a great time rewriting this story I'm so sad to see it's over. But I am excited for what's coming up next in this series. If you guys want me to put back up the original version of this story let me know and I will do so in a separate entry. That way you guys have the opportunity to read both versions. I'd like to thank all my wonderful reviewers and followers in this story. Especially: **G-T. Azar****, legoboyaz1, VoodooClown17, Alexpv22, and DarkHazen**. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy the last part of "I'll Be" and I hope you guys will like the sequel I have planned. Please review and let me know what you think. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans I would've had BB and Rae's relationship develop in the show and start the build up sooner. If you know what I mean :)

**I'll Be**

** Part XV**

** Raven**

Small projections of black aura surround me. In these small projections are my books, which I place in a large black bag. I found a spell in The Book of Azar that enlarged the bag and make it seem like a bottomless pit. This way I can bring everything with me and not have to worry about carrying too much. Once all my books are in the bag I use a simple shrinking spell to insert the bookcase as well.

I glance around my nearly empty room. It looks twice its size now that my bed, dresser, and bookcase are now safely in my enchanted bag. I glance at my watch. 3:15AM. Originally I was going to start the packing tomorrow morning, but my emotions are so unsettled I find it impossible to sleep. Not even a two hour meditation session helped. So I decided to get a head start. Besides I know that the sooner we leave, the happier Garfield will be. Before we leave though I have to say a proper goodbye to my friends and soon to be former teammates. That will probably be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do.

Suddenly I feel really strange on the inside. My heart squeezes painfully in my chest. I struggle to breathe. Sweat rolls down my flushed face. I close my eyes tight. Random images flash in my mind: Claws, Blood, Fury, Horror, Agony, Death. And pain-intense pain and loss. I slide to the ground and wait for the intense sensation to pass. I've gone through this many times. Someone is having a nightmare. Judging by the images that I've seen Garfield is the victim. I sigh, wiping the sweat off my forehead. Of all the Titans, he's the one who has nightmares the most. I wish I could just take them away, but there are some scars that will stay with him forever. I hope with all my heart that this past month won't be one of them.

I decide to take a quick break from packing. I'll check on Garfield, make myself a cup of tea, then attempt to fall asleep again. If not I'll resume the packing.

When I reach Garfield's room a few minutes later I don't even bother knocking, just in case he's still asleep. Instead I phase through the wall to find his room empty. He must've gone to the bathroom or something. I'll just wait for him to come back.

Looking around his room it's apparent to me that Garfield already started packing as well. His room looks even more bare than the night I stopped him from his suicide attempt. The drawers to his dresser are open and empty. So is his closet. Can't say I'm surprised. I know how desperate he wants to leave. I decide to sit on his bed and wait for him to return.

A piece of paper on his pillow catches my eye. Curiously I pick it up. It's a note to me. My stomach tightens reading the words on the page. I feel sick. _Oh no. He didn't! He wouldn't leave without me!_ I have to find him and fast! I hope with all my heart that he hasn't gone too far.

* * *

Lucky for me Garfield hasn't gone too far. I find the green changeling right outside the large doors in front of the tower. He's walking slowly down the long road towards the city. Feeling his emotions I know that he's struggling with an internal conflict and reliving his nightmare over and over again. A tattered brown suitcase is clutched in his hand. Cold wind hits me hard, making me shiver, but I ignore it. I have only one thing on my mind: preventing Garfield from leaving for Africa without me.

_Gravis vidulus_ I chant under my breath. The suitcase instantly becomes encased in black aura. This particular spell makes the enchanted object become heavier every minute. Hopefully he won't transform into something capable of carrying such a weight. Otherwise I'll have to find a more direct approach. I wait patiently, not saying a word.

Garfield stops walking ten minutes later. I can feel his strain as he struggles to carry the suitcase. I watch him glance down at the suitcase surrounded by black aura. His entire body freezes.

I use all the internal strength I have to force my tone to be normal. "Gar, why are you leaving without me?"

**Beast Boy**

I sigh, dropping the suitcase. I was really hoping to be long gone before Rachel woke up. "How did you know?" I ask, keeping my back to her.

"I felt your nightmare so I came to check on you." Rachel says, struggling to keep her voice in her usual monotone. "Now answer me: why are you attempting to leave without me?!"

"Because I'm trying to protect you," I answer shortly.

"Protect me from what?"

"The Beast." Finally I have the courage to turn around and face my girlfriend. I already feel the guilt building inside and increase rapidly seeing the hurt on Rachel's face. I'm starting to regret even thinking about leaving her behind. I force myself to stay strong. I will keep her safe, even if I end up breaking her heart in the process. "I won't let him hurt you."

She takes a cautious step towards me. I want to take a step back, but my feet remain rooted on the ground. "Garfield, you are _not_ dangerous. Neither is your Beast form. All he has done is save me. There is nothing you need to protect me from."

"I may be able to control the Beast now, but what if the antidote wears off? What if I start to lose control?! I could hurt you. Or worse." I flinch once again seeing the terrible scenes from my nightmares in my mind. The vivid wounds on Rachel's body. It's a nightmare that will haunt me for the rest of my days. My voice cracks. "Or worse-I could unintentionally kill you." Rachel takes another step closer. I start to sweat and shake from nerves and longing. I so badly want her to come with me to Africa, but I'm so afraid of what would happen if I lost control "I know that the Beast has saved you on multiple occasions. I know that he is very protective of you, but I still have this horrible feeling that I would kill you and lose the one person I love the most. I-I don't trust myself."

"You may not trust yourself, but _I _trust you. You know how hard it is for me to trust people. I trust _you,_ Garfield Logan. If there ever comes a time where you are unable to control the Beast we can work on a solution together. Perhaps I can have Cyborg make up an extra antidote for us to take with us."

With each word Rachel comes closer and closer to me. She's so close now I can feel her body heat. I don't feel the cold as strongly. She's so close I feel my resistance fading fast. I try to leave, but find that once again I can't move. I can't tear my eyes away from the pleading expression on her pale face. "Rachel d-don't do this to me! The closer you get, the harder it will be for me to leave without you. I need to get out of here before you get hurt. Please!" I visibly cringe. I just gave her an advantage. Hopefully she won't notice.

Gently Rachel places her hand on my cheek after taking one last step. I close my eyes. Immediately I start to relax just from feeling her soft hand against my skin. She's so warm. "That's why I've been coming closer-to make sure you don't leave without me."

Before I can react Rachel presses her lips against mine. I try to protest, but she deepens the kiss. I try to pull away, try to resist her, but I can't. Instead I feel myself getting lost in the smell of lavender and the taste of strawberries. Her love surrounds me, enveloping me like a warm blanket. I forget all about my nightmare and plans on leaving alone. All I can think about is the girl I love as her arms wrap around my neck. Reluctantly my arms circle her waist. I pull her close to me, allowing myself to kiss her back. _I shouldn't be doing this. It's not safe_. Then again, I can't feel the Beast as strongly. It's as if being near Rachel is helping him stay calm. Maybe Rachel is right. As long we are together I will be able to control the Beast.

Once we are out of air we break apart. I watch a silent tear fall down her cheek, followed by another. "I love you, Gar. P-please don't leave without me."

I am still overwhelmed by her intense kiss. I give Rachel a toothy smile, running my gloved hand through her short violet hair. "Thank you Rachel," I whisper, hugging her tightly.

"For what?"

"For loving so much." I answer, kissing her again.

After a few minutes Rachel lets go of her tight grip on me. She smiles at me, taking my hand. "Come on let's go back inside. It's starting to get cold out here."

I attempt to walk with her, but find that I still can't move. It's as if my feet are glued to the ground. I glance down to see black aura surrounding my feet. I meet her intense gaze. "You weren't going to let me leave without you, were you?"

"Nope," Rachel answers, removing the spell off my feet. "I promised that I will always be by your side and I meant it."

Her words, though monotone, make me feel warm all over. "And that's one of the many reasons why I love you."

"I love you too."

We share one last intense kiss. I pick up my much lighter suitcase. Without another word we walk towards the large double doors in front of the entrance to the tower.

**BAM!**

Without warning Rachel goes flying forward. I yelp as her hand is ripped violently out of mine. She hits the ground hard with a started cry.

"RACHEL!" I yell, running over to her.

My senses kick up to high gear. We're under attack. By whom? My question is answered when I turn to face the villain who hurt my girlfriend from behind. I feel my blood start to boil in fury. All of a sudden I have the strong desire to rip Rachel's attacker to shreds. I immediately recognize the newly repaired robot suit and mechanical muscles. Adonis.

"The little green wimp and the hot babe! Just the ones I've been looking for! Now that I'm out of prison I can finally kill the freak and have the girl as my own!"

I stand protectively over Rachel, who is struggling to stand up. I fall into a ready stance, raising my fists. "I won't let you get near her," I growl.

_Let me out_ an angry voice growls in my head. This is the first time I hear the Beast speak in my mind. It's deep and threatening. _I'll deal with him_.

_No way!_ I argue back silently. _Rachel might get hurt._

That seems to have shut up the Beast for now. I charge the man in the robot suit in the form of an elephant. Unfortunately Adonis is ready for me. He knocks me aside easily. I don't let that deter me. I shift into a lion and start swiping my large paws at my enemy. I dig my claws into his metal "muscles" in an attempt to break apart the armor. Before Adonis manages to push me aside again I notice with satisfaction that some of his armor is dented and marked up.

Rachel seems to finally get her strength back. She rises high in the air, throwing the large rocks on the side of the path and other objects at Adonis. I use this distraction as an advantage to plan a sneak attack. I turn into a small mouse. I scurry behind Adonis. All I have to do is get behind him and-.

Right as I turn into a kangaroo to kick him with my large feet Adonis turns swiftly, grabbing me by my large tail. As if it is no effort at all he swings me as hard and fast as he can. "Enjoy your flight!"

"BEAST BOY!" Rachel yells.

I try to stop myself, but I'm moving so fast it's becoming impossible. I close my eyes as I feel myself go through the window of the Tower, the glass digging into my skin. I go through a wall into a room, not stopping until I hit something hard and metal. Then everything goes black...

* * *

When I come to I find myself crumpled in a heap in the middle of the gym of Titan's Tower. My head is throbbing and I feel incredibly dizzy and nauseous. I think I'm going to puke. Everything is fuzzy. I feel as though a chunk of my life has been erased. What in the hell happened? Why am I in the gym? I lean over and puke on the carpet. It doesn't make me feel any better. If anything I feel worse. My stomach is churning.

I see Cyborg running by the gym. "Cy!" I call, making him stop fast. "What's going on?"

"Adonis is attacking the Tower. Raven is trying to fend him of until we can get there." Cyborg says quickly.

_Adonis? Who's Adonis?_ That name sounds vaguely familiar, but I can't place him. Is he a villain we've faced before? If so, why don't I remember him? My brain hurts just trying to figure that out. It doesn't matter. Raven is in trouble. I have to protect her. After all, she's the girl I secretly love. Without thinking twice I follow Cyborg out of the gym and to the battle scene.

**Raven**

_This guy just refuses to give up_ I think in exasperation. I've been throwing everything I can get my hands on and use lightning and beams of aura in attempt to stop Adonis. Unfortunately it would seem his suit is more durable this time, despite the scratches and dents Garfield made before he was tossed into the Tower. He hasn't come back yet. I hope he's okay.

"Titan's Go!" Robin yells from behind me. I sigh in relief seeing Garfield with the rest of the team in the form of a large grizzly bear. I'm so glad he's okay, however, I can't help but feel like something is off about him. He doesn't seem as furious at Adonis like he usually is. Also I feel a major migraine radiating off of him. I'll have to check on him once we take this villain down.

Like last time we battled Adonis in the lab he is faring well against the five of us even though he's outnumbered. Garfield manages to do more damage to the robot suit while in his bear form. It's starting to crumble piece by piece. I still feel like something is wrong with him. It's time to end this. Now. I catch Starfire's eye when she comes close beside me. She nods. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" I chant. Black aura shoots from my hands, colliding with Starfire's starbolt. The power goes fast, hitting Adonis in the chest, narrowly missing Robin as he attacks the larger villain with his martial arts combos. With a groan Adonis hits the ground, badly dazed. Before he can get back up Cyborg hits him with his sonic cannon to keep on the ground. Finally his armor gives out, breaking apart leaving Adonis vulnerable once more. Robin slaps the cuff on him.

"BOOYAH!" Cyborg says energetically.

"It's time to go back to jail where you belong," Robin says in an authoritative voice, forcing Adonis to his feet. Then he leads the villain away.

I float down to the ground beside Garfield, who is rubbing the back of his head. "Are you okay?" I ask in concern.

"Yeah. Who was that guy?"

I stare at my green boyfriend. "What do you mean, Garfield?"

"Why did that big guy come to the tower? What did he want?" He stares at me. "And how do you know my real name is Garfield?"

Cyborg answers before I have a chance to say anything. "It's nice hearing you joke again, BB," Cyborg says. "It'll be something I can remember you by when you guys leave."

The confusion on Garfield's face becomes more apparent with each passing second. It's becoming clear to me that he's not joking. "Leave? Where are we going?" His voice drops to a terrified squeak as a devastated expression forms on his pale green face. "A-am I being kicked off the team?"

"No Friend," Starfire says, speaking for the first time. "You and Raven are leaving us. Remember?"

Garfield shakes his head. "I have no idea what you guys are a talking about. I would never leave the team. You guys are my best friends and the only family I have. "

Cyborg, Starfire, and I look at each other in confusion, then back at our green teammate. Everything is starting to make sense. That's why Garfield seemed off when he came back to battle Adonis and why the pain in his head is increasing rapidly. I also feel nausea and dizziness. Did he hit his head when Adonis threw him? To answer my own question I walk behind the changeling. Then I see it. A large lump is on the back of his head, his emerald hair is matted in dark red blood. My heart sinks to my stomach. Oh no. It can't be. He doesn't have...

"What is the last thing you _do_ remember?" Cyborg asks.

Garfield struggles for a few minutes before speaking. "Watching the newest episode of Clash of the Planets with you then going to bed."

"He's bleeding. He must've hit his head when Adonis threw him." I quickly inform Cyborg. "Beast Boy, what month is it?"

Garfield whirls around fast to glare at me angrily. "I know it's the middle of June, Raven. You don't need to insult my intelligence!" I flinch hearing his hostile tone. The last time he talked to me like that was before he attempted suicide.

A stunned silence fills the air. "BB, it's the beginning of December." Cyborg says.

Garfield stares at all of us. I know he doesn't want to believe us. He starts to sway. "Ugh I don't feel so good." He turns to the side, falling to his knees. I watch him retch on the rocks beside the path we're standing on.

"Come on," Cyborg says, gently helping the green boy to his feet once he's finished puking. "Let's go to the medical ward. I want to check you out."

Starfire follows the boys back to the Tower. I stay right where I am. Once I am alone the reality hits me like a ton of bricks. Garfield doesn't have a simple concussion. He has amnesia. He doesn't remember anything from the past six months. While in many ways that could be considered a blessing, it is the worst possible thing that could happen to me. That means he doesn't remember our relationship. He doesn't remember our love or plans for the future in Africa.

I crumple to the ground the tears falling steadily down my face. My chest constricts as I struggle to breathe. I am unable to hold back the sobs. In one instant all my hopes and dreams have been taken away from me.

My heart is breaking.

**The End...for now**

* * *

Coming up next: **"Trust Me."**

Summery: Due to an accident during battle Beast Boy doesn't remember any of the events of the past six months-including his relationship with Raven. While the other Titans use this time to try to make up to Beast Boy for everything they've done to him, Raven struggles with a broken heart. And Slade is still out there...waiting for his apprentice. Will Beast Boy remember his past and rekindle his relationship with Raven? Will the Titans be able to restore trust in the green changeling? **BBxRae, some RobStar **later.


End file.
